Last ask (jeez I’m greedy): no 39 “Kissing tears from the other’s face”. But I’m hoping Ross is doing the weeping. I love a crying man! 🙏🏼🤞🏼
This took a turn...
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“Ross?”
He stiffened when he heard his name, quickly dashing away the moisture running down his cheeks. It would not do for Demelza to catch him in such a moment of weakness. He needed to remain strong for her. “I’m here,” he managed to say without his voice betraying the rawness of his emotions.
She came to stand beside him at the edge of the pond that served as the focal point of the gardens at Killewarren. “I thought I might find you here,” Demelza said softly.
His wife knew him well. It had been a difficult day and he’d sought refuge outside when the being in the house had become too much. Watching Caroline put on a stoic face while burying her baby daughter dredged up feelings Ross thought he’d long put away. She reminded him so very much of himself, hiding behind a stony facade so no one could see just how broken they really were.
“I just needed some fresh air,” he assured her, taking her cool hand in his, needing to feel a physical connection to the woman who was the keeper of his heart. She’d been so very ill on a day just like this one that he wasn’t sure he’d have to bury her as well. That had been eight years ago.
She gave his hand a comforting squeeze. “People are starting to take their leave.”
He nodded absently while glancing at her in the mid-afternoon light. Demelza looked almost regal in her black frock, her bright hair for once tamed into a neat chignon. She was ghostly pale and her eyes rimmed red, but otherwise she was hale, and for that he was thankful. He had known Sarah’s passing would affect her deeply. She’d surprised him, though, with how strong she’d been for Caroline and Dwight, taking care of all of the little things that needed doing so they wouldn’t have to be burdened with it. She had done it as much for them as for herself. What he hadn’t expected was how it would fell him.
“Do you wish to stay again tonight?” he asked.
“I think I should,” she started, her voice going a bit watery, “but my dearest wish is to see Jeremy and Clowance and feel them in my arms again.”
“They miss you terribly.”
“ I want to kiss them good night after tucking them into bed.”
“Then that is what you should do.” The truth of the matter was he wanted her home for his own selfish reasons. Despite the children being there, the old stone house felt dark and empty without her warm presence to fill it with her love and joy and happiness. She was the heart and soul of Nampara. The bed was too big and empty without her. He needed her to feel alive.
“Yes,” she said, her voice catching.
“Dwight would say the same.”
“I know he would.”
“Then it’s settled.”
She drew in a slow, deep breath as she often did when she was trying to gather her thoughts and summon up courage. “Ross?”
“Yes, my love?” He attempted to steel himself against what he knew she was going to say.
“Can we stop by the church in Sawle on the way home?” her voice was a scant whisper. “I’d like to take some flowers to Julia. I do so miss her still.”
Tears prickled in his eyes at the mention of the daughter so cruelly stolen from them by a fever, a festering wound in his heart that never seemed to heal. Demelza had been so very young then, and while she’d grieved deeply for the loss, she had recovered in due time. He had to put aside his own grief to attend to hers while trying to rein in his life that had quickly spun out of control. That turbulent time had stretched on for a fair number of years, and he’d very nearly lost her again due to his own folly. His son still suffered from the effects of those difficult times.
“Of course,” he found himself saying, closing his eyes and picturing dear, sweet Julia on the rug by the hearth with Garrick watching over her. Happy as a lark she would be, babbling away to herself as she played with the wooden blocks he’d gotten for her while her mama saw to the evening meal.
“We don’t have to if you think it’s too late,” she said, her voice thick with the tears he knew to be dampening her cheeks. “It’s just I’ve been thinking of her these past few days.”
Ross nodded, turning to finally allow her to see his face. “I have been too.”
“Oh, Ross,” she breathed and immediately reached for him, offering him the comfort of her welcoming arms. “My darling, darling Ross.”
He buried his face against her neck just as the first gush of tears began to fall, arms slipping around her waist to clutch her tight against him, needing the comfort only her presence could bring. Time stood still while he expelled years of pent up grief and pain and loss in great cathartic, racking sobs that shook him. The feel of her tender mouth pressing kisses to his wet cheek helped to bring him back to the present and he attempted to gather himself back together before finally lifting his head.
“Demelza-” he started before she shushed him gently.
“There is no need.” She shook her head once with her words and cupped his face between her hands, using her thumbs to lightly brush away the moisture gathered on his cheeks.
Ross turned enough to press a kiss to the underside of her wrist. “I-I.”
“You didn’t cry then did you, when Julia died?” she asked softly.
“No.”
“I feared as much.”
“I couldn’t.”
“I know.”
“There wasn’t time,” he attempted to explain. “You were so ill then there was the trial, debt piling up, the mine failing...” He could not bring himself to say it, the deepest regret of his life.
She leaned up to kiss him silent. “It’s done now.”
He engulfed her in his arms again, knowing he didn’t deserve her love or understanding, but thankful for it nevertheless. “Let’s go home to the children,” he said when the last of the tears had finally fallen.
Demelza held him close for the span of several heartbeats before releasing him, giving him a watery smile while attempting to put herself to rights again. “Yes, let’s,” she agreed.
