#otsu.vent

[otsu09]

oh uhm

i guess i should tell you guys something

tw: s//icide

i was actually planning on killing myself tonight

i had everything planned out perfectly

you see

every monday night i go to my grandparents house for a sleepover

and my grandparents weren’t gonna be here tonight, just my uncle. and he lives in the basement. so i’d pretty much just be home alone.

i was going to climb out my window and jump off the roof. i don’t know if the fall would be enough to kill me but- if not i wouldve just use a knife to stab myself to death.

but

you guys changed my mind

so thank you i guess

it means a lot to me :)

[otsu09]

random vent just ignore me please

my personality is awful it’s no wonder anybody likes me irl. well i don’t even know if it’s my real personality i don’t even know who i am anymore. i cant fall asleep at night because i don’t even know what my favorite fucking animal is. i don’t think i’ve ever had a real personality. i just stole my personality from fictional characters. who is “me???” an i even real?? am i just here to fill up space?? WHO AM I GODDAMMIT WHO AM I

[otsu09]

shit shit shit shit (vent: ok to respond)

ugh what the hell do i do????

i don’t wanna block then but

i don’t know who’s in the right here-

shes so nice and i care abt her but she’s done all these horrible things- at least according to these people

but these other people are in the right and they talked shit about me

goddammit

why the hell did I have to be wrapped up in all this

ugh

fuck this

i may as well just block all these people at this point

god

i really hate this

[otsu09]

vent

”don’t close the door!! he might try something!!” BITCH WE WERE BOTH 8 YEARS OLD WE JUST WANTED TO WATCH ADVENTURW TIME TOGETHER WHAT JS WRONG WOTH YOU GRANDMA

[otsu09]

vent don’t respond

i got emotional over something stupid again today.

i found my old ibuki mioda wig from 2019 and i was gonna try and brush it out but i couldnt even untangle a single knot after like 3 days and so i thought “hey! let’s cut off all the tangled parts and the crusty old bangs and use it for a different cosplay!” so i did that and then i remembered my mom helped me style that wig and i felt so bad because she spent so much time and money doing it so i started feeling really bad and i feel like a terrible person i get that it’s just a wig but it meant a lot to me and i was stupid and i don’t know i’m tired and every day is worse then the last

[otsu09]

vent

i can’t love people normally i always gotta get extremely unhealthy obsessed over them why am i like this augh i hate it :///

[otsu09]

vent ig

i feel guilty for wanting to be a man because it seems like everyone hates men nowadays and people are trying to get all men to kill themselves and what not. it just makes me,,,, yknow,,,, feel shitty.

[otsu09]

vent don’t respond

i hate going to school everyone there is so fucking ableist and transphobic i don’t even feel safe but i know nobody cares and that i need to go to school or whatever but ill probably kill myself before i even have a chance to graduate so what’s the fucking point