Is there anything Rachel feels self-conscious about? How does she handle being taken off-guard?
UNPROMPTED CHARACTER ANALYSIS., feat. @ottersden.
Is there anything Rachel feels self-conscious about?
Oh, a lot. A lot, a lot. But to name a couple —
Her significance in other peoples' lives— thanks, Rachel's dad! —and this is a reason amongst the reasons she 'tests' her relationships, as well as why she perceives other people as a threat. i.e., Max, she sees as a threat to her relationship with Chloe, and Victoria, she sees as a threat to her relationship with Nathan.
A secret, third thing plays into the above. Borderline Personality Disorder, which Rachel has, although hasn't been formally diagnosed with, and so hers goes unmanaged. With Borderline Personality Disorder, comes black and white thinking, with which there is no 'and' to the individual, only 'or'. i.e., Rachel has a difficult time processing the fact that Chloe can value both her and Max, concurrently. But tenfold because Chloe is her FP. Which is where Rachel perceiving Max as a threat stems from.
Her value, her worth, etc. It was instilled in Rachel at a young age, that unless she was bending over backwards, she was of little worth—and a lot of the time, even bending over backwards wasn't enough. Her father, too enthralled in his career, very much neglected Rachel, never even looking her way unless by his standards she was displaying greatness... and eventually, greatness became the standard and no high score on any assignment or test, or award, etc., could impress him anymore. Which, in turn, means in adolescence and beyond, Rachel begins to feel like a failure, if she feels like she is failing (which is typically at the first sign of struggle) and begins to question everything about herself, or de-value herself completely.
How does she handle being taken off-guard?
From a young age, her and her father's relationship was strained, largely because from a young age, expectations were bestowed on her, and a path— which provided a route to a life which mirrored her father's, with a career in law, and an ideal home and family, etc. —which he expected her to follow. Mistakes weren't allowed and if for some reason mistakes happened, James met and corrected them with cruelty. James Amber never, ever laid a hand on his daughter, but he didn't need to, because he dealt alike damage to Rachel with his words, with insults, with criticism, etc.
Now, all that to say: Rachel's a good actress. Rachel's a damn good actress, not only because is acting what she has wanted to do from a young age, and because she has been taking acting classes / lessons, partaking in acting camps, etc., but because beginning as a child, Rachel has had to implement acting in her day-to-day life.
There were images to maintain. Her father's, as district attorney, and by association with the district attorney, her and her step-mother, the district attorney's daughter and wife, had images to maintain. Alongside that, Rachel who's everchanging because she interchanges portions of herself to better fit in with others and to be better regarded has images upon images to maintain.
With that said, every movement— literally, every movement, even the most minute movements —has been carefully crafted and executed by Rachel. What anyone sees, they see because she wants them to see, and everything else, she keeps under lock and key. And that... is my long, long winded way of saying: Although inwardly, she may be caught off guard, outwardly, no one would ever know because she has a tendency to do one of two things with her emotions: one, maintain an indifferent front, or two, twist whatever emotion it is into anger, which to her is preferred because anger doesn't leave her as vulnerable as say, sadness, does.
Which she chooses to implement to being caught off guard, however, depends on how she was caught off guard. Did someone sneak up, with intent to scare her? The former. Did a plan of hers not go through, or did someone make a promise of getting her something / etc., only to not be able to? The latter.
