#ourphonecalls

[mysilentlegacy]

sometimes i feel like i shouldn't be in a relationship

because god knows I'm not good enough for him..but he loves me so much anyway and I don't know why but I know he does because I can feel it. sometimes his words just pierce me and I see just how ditzy and thoughtless I can be..like when I've done something to offend or hurt his feelings and he is the absolute last person I want to make feel bad and I just can't help it because I don't even realize I'm doing it..lord I love him to death and I can't believe he's mine <3

[mysilentlegacy]

i remember why i made that joke from yesterday's post.

my boyfriend reminded me on the phone today. it was 'cause I was "mad" at him for I forgot why but he told me he loved me and I said it back with the, "but I don't know why" tacked on and yea, he just thought it was funny ;P we had a great phone call today because there was no awkward silence and we were just talking and laughing throughout and it was really nice. he says we're gonna try to spend more time doing other stuff and being with his family which is great and all but I am gonna miss his sexy self ;P it's gonna be interesting to see how that works out 'cause it didn't go as smoothly last time ;D haha :] but yea, I gotta refrain and help him refrain for his sake because I know this is important to him and I don't want him worrying his pretty little head over this. I would like to lessen his worries in any way I can.

[mysilentlegacy]

we talked about practically nothing on his lunch break

yup, I answered him. and of course by the end he told me I didn't seem like I was up to talking. well gee, jackass, I wonder why? and he was saying how yesterday's dinner was so short, and I want to tell him how we probably would've stayed longer but he wasn't even talking to me so what's the point? I can talk with my family anytime. and it's not like I wanted to talk with my brother's girlfriend. all I wanted was to be happy and excited because I got to see him twice and it was my birthday and we even went to a place where there's pizza, his most favorite food. he barely started eating as everyone else was finishing. yesterday could've gone a lot smoother if I had noticed sooner why he was acting that way, but also if he wasn't so stubborn and immature... -JC

[mysilentlegacy]

he actually called me during his lunch break

i didn't think he would. i was so surprised and glad that he decided to call. like i said, i was okay. it was a rough start because he wasn't saying much for more than half the conversation. i kept making small talk and trying to get up the guts to tell him why i said what i did. but in the end, all i could muster was a simple, "i'm sorry for upsetting you yesterday." he eventually came to and started joking after i told him i wasn't feeling well. that boy, i don't know how he comes up with this stuff ^__^ anyway, i'm hoping that i'll be able to pick him up today so that way i can tell him in person. i owe him that much. we've got one hell of a relationship going. it's not always easy, but it's worth it. -JC

[mysilentlegacy]

he could tell i wasn't excited to talk to him during lunch

and I didn't even attempt to negate his statement either. I mean, I tried changing my tone higher 'cause I always greet him like that. but try as I might, I could not get excited. boy, he really did it this time, didn't he? because usually I can just sleep it off, or hearing his voice helps me but today it didn't. I can still feel the sadness in my eyes and the frown on my face and he had the nerve to bring the joke back when I said, "sure." like, what's wrong with you? I already told you I was still upset with you and you still brought it up. you were so busy laughing, I don't even know if you heard me say I wasn't feeling like myself. how can you do that? how can you still laugh at all this? like, I know that's just how you are and you mean no harm but god not every thing is a joke, ya know? you're right, I'm disappointed...

[mysilentlegacy]

my poor baby has been calling me more and getting depressed

because he's worried about the future of this country. my poor baby.. i cheer him up as best i can and it helps but i wish i could always be with him so i can hold him and comfort him in person.

[mysilentlegacy]

my boyfriend is greedy ;P

he was partly serious about me working for him xD

[mysilentlegacy]

he seems okay now

i called him up after that whole work thing happened and he listened to me and he joked about me working for him and he told story after story about stuff at his work and he wasn't mumbling and i heard him laugh :] i don't know if he's completely back to normal yet, i'm afraid to ask :P also, he told me that he had wanted to tell me that he's really happy that we're together and that i'm the only one that can calm him down when he's mad. like, he's got his parents and three siblings and yet i'm the only one who can calm him and that's really nice :] also, he wore the keychain i got him to work :D i didn't think he would, especially after what happened.. but he did so that also made me feel nice ^__^ i wish we had more moments like that, but i guess it just helps me appreciate them more when they happen. tomorrow i see him again since i don't have work to go to :P like, earlier i was okay, but it's starting to hit me. i have no job. sadness :( ah well. hopefully tomorrow is a brighter day with him <3