WHAT WORRIES ME MOST ABOUT MY FUTURE
Mother Theresa said, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” I guess the biggest mystery about life and living is that tomorrow is not certain or guaranteed. For all we know, today might be our last day alive on earth. What awaits beyond living nobody knows for sure.
Personally, my greatest worry has always been the uncertainty. Living each day hoping that tomorrow I will wake up in the morning get through the day and awake the next with everyone I love and hold dear around. Lately, I find myself worrying about my future. It is not necessarily about if I will be alive to see it but whether or not I will be where I want to be in life. Looking at all that is occurring around me, I cannot help but wonder sometimes, when my life will fall in place as well. I just want to make it despite it all. I look at my past and some days, I feel like I am being punished for one or two things I have done in my past. Then sometimes I console myself by saying, who wouldn’t bite the apple right in front of their face? Ultimately, everyone loves the taste of sin. In as much as I try to find reasons and logic for it all, I worry a lot about my future.
Owing to my age, I feel like life is getting real and fast that I am lagging behind and failing dismally to get a clench onto all that is happening. I am a pending 24 year old lady. I like to believe that every lady has this idea of how she wants her life to play out and how everything should be at a certain age. I am guilty of that. I, for some reason, have always been inclined to think that by now, I would be dating a man I am to marry. I had instilled in me from a young age the idea that I will save myself for marriage and I will be courted for at the least two years by my husband before he proposed marriage. Sadly, life tends to work out differently. I have come to learn that guys today will not get into a relationship with you unless you are open to the idea of coition. I look at life now wondering if at all I will one day be married and have children. I see my years going by each day as I stand single without even the slightest hope of having a place to call my home. Something about practice makes perfect that puts me off. Despite being a sucker for love, there are just some things I opt not to do.
I like to believe many women feel the same way. Living life wondering, when will it be my turn. We watch as our friends have children, get married and both and we wonder but what is it exactly that I am missing. I am very afraid of what my future is like. I want to be happy. I see a child and cannot help but wonder what it feels like to carry one full term. Feel a life grow inside of you and learn to love this child that you have not met. To feel her kick inside of you and bring her to life. To have a man at home you call your husband. Someone you love and share your entire being with. Someone who becomes your other half, knows you as much as you know yourself and will go to the ends of the earth for you as hard as you would for him. When you are busy fighting your biological clock, things just do not make sense when at the height of your productivity, there is no progress.
I see my parents growing old together and I feel a warmth inside that I would love to feel inside for the rest of my life with my partner. I see my brother share the past eight years with his now fiancée and I get a wince inside. To be one with someone in this world. To be content with this one person being yours for what’s left of the days of your life. When your life is so complete that without this person, you would rather live alone, because there is no one else you would rather share your life with. This person becomes your home.
Even though life is no fairytale. Everyone gets their own version of a perfect storybook ending. The journey is worth while knowing you have someone you love and loves you back by your side. Being able to experience all of it with someone is what makes it a perfect story. When you look back on it all, you know that, you could not have a better story line written for you. In view of my headline, life is a mystery that no matter how hard we try to put two and two together, we can never fully understand. As much as I look at my life now and wonder will it ever happen for me, one day, someday, I will take a look back on the road I took to get to my future and then present and be glad I took that path. For the reason known to the creator, life pays out a certain way for people to learn something and so we can each have our own testimonies to share.