#outlander 3x9

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“You need my help...I always have and I always will.”

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Though separation may span twenty years long: the face of a woman in the arms of her beloved never changes.

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Ye ken the greylag, yeah, it mates for life? You kill a grown one out hunting you must wait, for its mate will come to mourn. Then you must kill that one too. Otherwise it will grieve itself to death. Calling through the skies for the lost one.

-Jamie Fraser, 3x9 “First Wife”

Jamie’s profession of brokenness to Claire was one of the most gut-wrenching scenes for me as a viewer; similar to how I felt watching Claire peer out the window at a singing bird aching desperately for any trace of her husband.

This moment was beautifully poignant. As this man shares a story of the greylag, he paints a picture of what the past twenty years have entailed—full of the reality of what Jamie & Claire have suffered during their separation:

They had been grieving themselves to death.

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“Well the sun is surely sinking down

But the moon is slowly rising.

And this old world must still be spinning ‘round.

And I still love you.

So close your eyes.

You can close your eyes.

It’s all right...”

-James Taylor, You Can Close Your Eyes

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In “First Wife”... why do you think Jamie said “you left me” to Claire? I know it was a heated exchange and emotions were all over the place but that was so off base from reality. Thank you.

Hello darling!!

This a valid question and one that when I initially saw “First Wife” struggled with a lot. I had similar feelings to you; Jamie’s statement felt “off” to me. 

I actually sat on this question for a wee bit because I wanted to look over the screenplay and the novel before answering! However, everything I share is purely my interpretation of the reality presented to me on screen and in print. 

I am going to approach my answer first by trying to contextualize Jamie’s bold claim in the novel and show; then by giving you my personal sentiments. 

VOYAGER:

These words that Jamie says are not exclusive to the show. Jamie does utter them in the novel. Here is the exchange:

‘Am I a man? To want you so badly that nothing else matters? To see you, and know I would sacrifice honor or family or life itself to lie wi’ you, even though ye’d left me?’

‘You have the filthy, unmitigated, bleeding gall to say such a thing to me?’ My voice was so high, it came out as a thin and vicious whisper. ‘You’ll blame me?’

He stopped then, chest heaving as he caught his breath. ‘No. No, I canna blame you.’

He turned aside, blindly. ‘How could it have been your fault? Ye wanted to stay wi’ me, to die with me.’

‘I did, the more fool I,’ I said. ‘You sent me back, you made me go! And now you want to blame me for going?’

He turned back to me, eyes dark with desperation. 

‘I had to send ye away! I had to, for the bairn’s sake!’

His eyes went involuntarily to the hook where his coat hung, the pictures of Brianna in its pocket. He took one deep, quivering breath, and calmed himself with a visible effort.

 ‘No,’ he said, much more quietly. ‘I canna regret that, whatever the cost. I would have given my life, for her and for you. If it took my heart and soul, too …’

He drew a long, quivering breath, mastering the passion that shook him. 

‘I canna blame ye for going.’

‘You blame me for coming back, though’ 

He shook his head as though to clear it.

 ‘No, God no!’

He grabbed my hands tight between his own, the strength of his grip grinding the bones together. 

‘Do ye know what it is to live twenty years without a heart? To live half a man, and accustom yourself to living in the bit that’s left, filling in the cracks wi’ what mortar comes handy?’

‘Do I know?’ I echoed. I struggled to loose myself, to little effect. ‘Yes, you bloody bastard, I know that! What did you think, I’d gone straight back to Frank and lived happy ever after?’

I kicked at him as hard as I could. He flinched, but didn’t let go.

In the novel Jamie does speak those words at Claire. However, like the show, it was in the throws of a fight. 

Also interesting to note, when Claire questions the blame Jamie places on her for coming back, he responds with an adamant NO. This to me communicates that despite Jamie speaking out of the heat of anger, his heart is resolved.

FIRST WIFE:

This entire exchange is similar to how it plays out in the show and yet extremely different. Here is the script of the scene: 

When I am looking at the notes in the script, I can see that the writer made a choice to state that Jamie “matches her fury”. What this indicates to me is that Jamie chose to ESCALATE the moment rather than deescalate, or attempt at peace.

This is what the novel & screenplay have to say about this scene: Jamie and Claire are in an argument, Claire ‘throws a punch’ and Jamie reciprocates in kind. 

MY SENTIMENTS: 

Ok so aside from that contextualization, here are my thoughts: 

Jamie & Claire have fought before after extreme conflict and will say things in anger that they do not ENTIRELY believe or feel. 

If someone is trying to escalate an argument, they will typically say something that is partially true, but not holistically so. It is honest enough to sting, but not entirely true so as it leaves a question of doubt in the air. 

A prime example of this is after Jamie & the men rescue Claire from Black Jack and they have a huge argument by the river in 1x9 “The Reckoning”. Jamie even states, ‘I was sore. I said more than I meant’. Jamie does not actually think his wife is a foul-mouthed b****…he merely said that in burst of passion. 

This is one interpretation of what happened in ‘First Wife.’ Jamie said that merely to hurl an accusation back at Claire and did not entirely mean what he said.

Another interpretation could be that Jamie has had two decades to sit on what happened between him and Claire. 

Jamie was prepared to die at Culloden. He was not expecting to live past giving away his wife and unborn child. 

The agony of waking up alive without them caused a large portion of his heart to die. He lost his soul. 

When she returns, the sun arose on his darkest night. His lungs breathed air for the first time in decades. 

However, he married in her absence and he is trying to justify that to her. He is almost saying, well you left, I did not die. I lived and so I married as a means to be able to continue on existing. I married again and it blew up in my face. But you left, and that is why all of this happened. 

To be honest though, no matter how you try to interpret that statement, it is below the belt. 

HOWEVER, to be candid, I think this line is a poor characterization flaw. I just do. 

When Jamie says, ‘even though you left me’, I was shocked. Jamie is not perfect; hardly so. He should not be on a pedestal. But, I felt that this choice from Diana was contrary to the heart and soul of James Fraser.

Jamie released Claire FOR THE SAKE OF HER AND THE CHILD. Jamie WILLINGLY gave them up that they may live. 

Even in ‘A Malcolm’ there is an exchange that solidifies this COMPLETELY:

I will never leave you again.

You were right to leave. We did it for Brianna.

THIS to me is a line that is true to the heart of Jamie. 

Naturally, we all say things contrary, especially in the passion of anger or hurt, but I just assert that Jamie throwing that line in Claire’s face to be contradictory. Particularly because HE was the one who made her go, and he knows that, AND because he reaffirms that decision to his wife upon her return. 

Sometimes authors do make character choices that are confusing and inconsistent; it happens. I do not own Jamie. He is not mine. But, in my personal opinion, Diana made this mistake with having Jamie blame his wife for leaving.

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Outlander Moments of Impact: You, Me, & the Man in the Moon

(Full discosure: this post may melt your wee heart into a puddle. Ye be fair warned)

Something that is always astounding about Jamie and Claire’s relationship is their tender intimacy. When the two of them interact, there is almost a choreography of passionate ardency. It is as if they have a dance of affection: every movement colliding with a burst of adoration.

A moment that highlights this perfectly is from 3x9 “The Doldrums” when Jamie and Claire melt into each other’s arm on the deck of the Artemis while gazing at the moon.

I could have this scene for breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, dessert, another snack: this scene just “gets it.”

This fleeting interaction completely demonstrates the effortless and undying love that these two share.

Let’s break down this scene for some context, shall we?

It is evening, but the moon lights up the sky. Claire walks on deck and sees her beloved husband at the bow. He is quietly praying (probably for her and their babies 😭). So as to not interrupt him, she slowly approaches.

When she sees he is done, without any hesitation, she envelops Jamie. After believing she never would again, she loves to hold him whenever she can.

Giving him a kiss on the cheek, it is as if she just cannot wait to touch him. In response to his bride’s touch, Jamie lets out a sigh of relief and joy. He visibly relaxes into her affection.

Claire quickly glances around the ship to see if anyone else is around. Smiling she asks, “Is it really just you and me?” She is thrilled to finally be alone with the one person whose company she craves the most. (THEY ARE LIKE NEWLYWEDS).

Jamie, equally estactic for the solitude, responds, “You and me…” AND THEN KISSES HER SO SWEETLY. After, he finishes his thought with, “…and the Man in the moon.” And as if he canna restrain himself, he kisses his calman geal again.

Turning around to gaze at the moon, they settle into each other’s embrace. They fit together perfectly.

Admiring the moon, Claire tells Jamie about how before she left to find him, men had just flown to the moon. As she shares, Jamie quietly listens (BABY J GOT NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT BUT IT DOES NOT MATTER). Jamie just loves listening to what Claire has to say; he clings onto her every word as if they were more precious than his own breath.

Suddenly remembering, Claire recites “Good Night Moon”; every line carrying more brokenness than the last. Jamie turns to her, noticing that these unfamiliar words have caused her pain.

Explaining, Claire tells Jamie that these words are from their daughter’s favorite book. Bree could recite it all before she could even read. Breaking as she remembers their child’s love of rabbits, she aches for her daughter.

Completely attuned to his wife, Jamie simply asks, “Do you miss her?” With upmost grief, Claire responds with only one word: “Terribly”. Touched deeply by her pain, Jamie pulls his beloved closer into the warmth of his arms and kisses her cheek.

Jamie does not speak away her grief. He doesn’t say, “Well at least we are together”. Oh no. He validates his wife’s feelings by simply being there for her and sharing in it. 

This precious woman has had to shut down every emotion for 20 years. And finally, in her moment of despair, the love of her life can draw her close and say, “I am here beloved. I’m here for you. I see your pain. You are not alone.” Jamie communicates this without a single word by the strength of his arms and a soft kiss. I am here.

Saying no more, all they long to do is hold each other. In a moment of joy and sadness, they cling to one another and peacefully slip into a restful silence.

As I was writing this blog, I had a revelation of a beautiful nuance to Jamie and Claire’s marriage:

Their love brings rest to the soul.

Let me elaborate:

Here is a husband and wife who have been separated from one another for 20 years. For 20 years, Jamie and Claire were restless. The security and constancy that they found in one another vanished before their eyes. They wandered aimlessly while apart. They yearned unendingly for each other. It was as if their very hearts could not be at peace without their beloved one.

But as they are finally reunited together, their souls can breathe a sigh of relief knowing they are together again.

Do you notice how they are at complete rest whenever their love is near?

After 20 years of separation, they may finally share a moment alone together.

After 20 years of bitter agony, they may finally look into each other’s eyes as long as it pleases them.

After 20 years of solitude, they may finally find warmth in each other’s embrace.

After 20 years of restlessness, they have found their rest again: each other.

Within the chaos of life, there is a suffocating pressure to achieve and measure up: a need to be enough.

But Jamie is enough for Claire. Claire is enough for Jamie. They do not have to be anything but themselves with each other. They are enough exactly as they are.

Jamie and Claire are able to be at peace with who they are because they are known, approved, and cherished without exception by one another. And this beautiful love brings rest to their entire being.

Your soul can be at rest in the arms of the one who loves you.

Artistic side note: I LOVE the cinematography of this moment; the camera work is stunning. They give us a “bird’s-eye” view so we are above looking down. It is shot in a way so that WE are the moon, peering into their love affair 🌚