You are the first person I found that also sees autistic trades in Carmy.
Last year after the first season (I loved it so much! I watched it 3 times & some episodes even more often) I even came back to tumblr just for this series, I needed more content!
I saw so much of myself in Carmy, I never before saw a character so much like myself (although I'm a woman, from Europe & not good at anything at all).
All his struggles with other humans, it was like looking into a mirror, seeing myself.
So I got a psychological evaluation for my anxiety and other stuff. After some research I thought maybe I'm autistic.
Getting officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder with autistic traits.
I still have the feeling I'm autistic and at the same time I feel like an imposter for feeling that way.
Carmy is such a people pleaser, so unaware of how other people see him, his bursts of anger, his fidgeting with the spoon, wearing the same kind of clothes, him not understanding other people except in regards to food. Him getting used and abused by other people (NY chef, his mother and brother, even Richie but with him the punches at least back & does not only take it, take it and take it). Other people have to point out that his relationship with Claire makes her most likely his girlfriend, that reminds me so much of myself when I had to ask my sister if my boyfriend had shown interest in me because I could not say for sure.
And maybe I'm just projecting, but for me it looks like he never looks other people into the eyes just with Sydney (yes I do ship them but I do not mean it like that) and Richie. Maybe it's just me but I do not like to look into the eyes of people I do not know at all/well, it's hard work to do. But it's easier with people I know for longer and I feel safe with. I still let my eyes wander to be able to concentrate better but it's easier to look directly into their eyes. At least I think I'm better with them. Or it's the camera angles fault XD.
In regards to friends, do you think all the connection he does have in the culinary world see him as a friend but he himself does not recognizes them as friendships. For example Luca?
Sorry this is kind of long and I'm rambling.
A long text just to say yes I see it too. :)
I had a very similar experience with the show. I watched season 1 twice and I think I'm due for a rewatch quite soon.
During my first watch I didn't really see the autistic traits per se but I definitely related to him. Especially when he talks about routines and being good but completely burnt out at the same time - that was my experience at school.
I started looking into getting professionally diagnosed right about the time when I rewatched and I realized his experience echoed mine especially in the ASD related stuff. I made a post about it, and I believe it really resonated with some people within the autistic community, not just as a headcanon.
I feel you, I haven't gotten my official diagnosis because tests are very expensive. Plus, I'm a woman and I have been masking all my life, so it's hard to get a psychiatrist to believe that you are actually struggling. Maybe there's some overlap with avoidant personality because my psychiatrist has mentioned it a number of times, and it would make sense for Carmy to develop a disorder as a result of his family trauma.
And yes, a lot of his "quirks", the things that make him seem high strung and shy, could also be signs of ASD. I hadn't noticed that he's literally wearing the same clothes all the time but you're absolutely right. The Claire storyline really shows that he doesn't know how to navigate relationships and needs it spelled out by someone else (and honestly, same). He's concerned with being "shitty" but doesn't know when he's being perceived as that and so he asks Sydney to be his gage (my sister is mine)
I think you're right about the eyelines, and I guess it makes sense in the kitchen, since there's always something to do, you can talk with people without looking them in the eye, or taking breaks in between. I like talking while I'm walking or in the car, no eye contact 👌👌👌
You make a good point that he isn't particularly aware of who is his friend and who isn't. When Claire called him and told him that Fak said he was his best friend, Carmy took a second to process and then agreed. He has no idea. And I think that also plays a part in being used by other people - if he doesn't know what friendship or a healthy family relationship looks like, he's going to take it all like that's normal, which is not great
I do believe that Luca and Chef Terry would consider him a friend. They took in one of Carmy's staff, no questions asked, just believing in his judgement. Especially Chef Terry talks about him with a certain fondness that feels very sweet. With Luca, they probably had a more competitive, sort of brotherly thing going on but they ended in good enough terms? I don't know, I'm just guessing.
Thank you for such a thoughtful and generous message! I believed that I would get backlash when I first posted about my feelings on this subject but everyone has been very kind and supportive (not everyone agrees but no one has been rude and I count that as a win lol)
I hope you have better luck getting a diagnosis, and that you get to navigate this chaotic world as easily as possible 💜
