#outofsoap

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Marissa. #nickholmesphoto #lushbathbomb #bathtime #polaroid #outofsoap

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(It's only a few hours into trying to regain muse, and Tyler is flashing his dick at complete strangers. So everything's going pretty damn well in my eyes.)

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(is anyone up for anything ridiculously fluffy?

b/c I'm pretty sure that's what I need right now.)

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(And less positive ranting...)

i’m freaked out that i can’t fucking feel anything other than glumness and brief sporadic bursts of manic happiness when something actually goes right. they don’t even last. i’m freaked out that i literally cannot complete any task i try to set out to do. i’m bored but nothing i usually do or read or watch interests me right now so i don’t know what the fuck to do. i feel like my brain has a disconnect.

i want to cry about it but i don’t want to tell my doctor about it or have them up my meds any more because i’m again becoming utterly convinced that i’ll keep getting worse and worse and they’ll just have to increasingly drug the fuck out of me until they don’t know what to do anymor e and i’m the worst case of depression in history

i’m afraid that since my best friend moved away i’m fucked and doomed to feel like this forever

i know maybe it’ll help if my life fucking goes somewhere but i can’t get anything in my life to chance because i can’t make myself DO ANYTHING

i’m scared because i don’t dissociate in any severe ways other than feeling detached and severely distracted from everything, but i’m constantly scared something fucking worse will happen one of these days this is legit why i can’t actually watch FC in one sitting it fucks up so many of my deep seated fears of what could happen to me so much

i’m crying now though so. i guess at least i can do that

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amonstroustidalwave

(this is a canon line from the canonical spin-off comic)

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("I have a bad connection in here. You froze. The WiFi isn't great... " wow shocking it's almost as if you aren't supposed to be video chatting on this coffee shop's wifi, both bothering everyone by talking to someone at the top of your voice and hogging all the bandwidth at the same time can you IMAGINE if that were the case)

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(Again, for the thousandth time, I’m so sorry for the inactivity. 

I don’t even have being busy as an excuse. Seasonal depression is just making me weird and lazy and socially reclusive as it does every year. I’ve fallen into a lot of online gaming and sleeping and not much else.

I’m trying to tug myself out, really. but. please bear with me.. <33)

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▎...Yeah, okay, FC2 is officially crackfic. :/ ▎