Daily Devotion - 11/13/24
"In what way is the hurt from disappointment still lingering? Have you forgiven? What burdens do you need to surrender to God?"
This was the question that was asked on the reflection part of the devotion I am currently reading. I was able to answer it in two seconds though. Hehe.
I tend to linger too much on disappointment. I know I should not blame my parents for it, but for the sake of bringing it out into the light for it to no longer hold power against me, I had to admit that the weakness of my parents, specifically my father who tends to hold grudges against other people have a huge influence on how I look at the people around me. Based on what I saw growing up, I knew that my dad is a very enduring man. He had to endure dealing with people he doesn't like so he can bring food to the table, even if it hurts him, even if it disappoints him.. so much that he ends up not forgetting all the wounds, the unhealed parts of him, because he never heard the sorries he expected and hoped to have heard. Unfortunately, I think that dynamic has been passed on to me.
The way I see it is, I know most of my strengths and weaknesses. I know and follow my responsibilities and duties as a daughter, a wife, a friend and an employee to the best of my ability. So I am very much disappointed when the people around me does not reciprocate the same level of responsibility and effort. In my eyes, it is unfair that I endure and yet they live their lives as if they always have me to depend on.
But again, I was reminded by the word of God in Matthew 6: 14-15 (ESV)
"For if you forgive others your trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses."
Forgiveness. I was forgiven. I do not deserve it. God has always known I will disappoint him, even way before I was born. Yet, he sent his son, Jesus Christ to be crucified on my behalf.
I know this, but I couldn't forgive that easily because my wounds heal longer than others. To be honest, I think I will be stuck in meditating this verse by heart:
"Psalm 147: 3- He heals the broken- hearted and binds up their wounds".
Lord, I have a long way to go. But please, heal this wounded heart of mine. I don't want to have a callous heart. I have a lot of frustrations right now, yet I don't want to focus on them. I still have one more verse to go, the verse that says you are enough, and that you will supply all my needs (Philippians 4:19). But if I will be asked, I'd like to focus on the healing part first. I would like to get to know you more so I can eventually live believing in your promise/s.
You're the only one I can depend on. Please Lord, heal the disappointments and frustrations in my heart.
