My kind of Kryptonite

A dreamer waiting for shooting stars every night; God-be-the-center-of-my-life. :) *Photos, videos and quotes reblogged are random things I like,...

[ghiblin]

THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY 2010, dir. Hiromasa Yonebayashi

[heybaetae]

*jungkook voice* HOLY MOLY

[cafeinevitable-deactivated20220]

Rainy Highway by Sydney Smith

watercolour & gouache painting

[nochuie]

sleepy bun

[reapering]

fighting the urge to always know why

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

[divineandloved]

Daily Devotion - 11/14/24

In what ways is disappointment still keeping you stuck? What do you need to relinquish to God? Pray for a willingness to rise up and have true transformation.

Pattern. I guess this is the major reason why I am always disappointed with people and I am stuck on it. It's like, people never learn. Or if they do learn, it's almost at the brink of losing everything or it's too late. And the hardest part of it all is, it is always at my expense. It is always I that has to adjust or worst, take the fall. Why do I always have to take the blow? Can't I just take a break from everything just once?!

I read the verse Psalm 55:22 again, "Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never permit the righteous to be moved." I googled what it meant to "cast your burden", the top search is "to fully entrust it to God, rather than carrying it to yourself"

I guess just have to really admit, as an eldest child, I am not really good at relying on someone else. I always have to make sure a problem is fixed. They do the relying to me. I couldn't depend on someone when I feel tired or weak or hurt. And I guess, I just have to really admit that at this point, I have to surrender the things I cannot handle to God.

I am at this point wherein I am trying to figure out what are things I cannot handle. So I'll stop here. and get back to this post once I was able to think of the clear answer. All I know is that right now, I have to truly meditate and list it down here, and from there I'll pray and lay it out all to God so I can move forward and rise from the disappointment.

To be continued.

P.S. Do not go to the next day without finishing this, Divine. You really have to figure it out and ask God how to start this healing journey.

[divineandloved]

Daily Devotion - 11/13/2024

In what ways do you need to shift your expectations of others and deepen your faith in God? Familiarize yourself with God’s promises and reflect on them often.

How to shift expectations of others.

This phrase actually lingers in my head. To be honest I think I haven't figured it out yet. Or wait, I might know.. but I couldn't face to shift just yet.

Today, I encountered the words "HURT PEOPLE.. HURT PEOPLE" again. Just yesterday, I admitted that I am still in the process of healing, I am still hurting and my emotional wounds have yet to close.

Reading the story of how Joshua and his faith lead the descendants of the Israelites who were freed from Egypt's oppression many years ago and now to the promise land, I was reminded of how God never left their side. (Joshua 21: 43-45, ESV) Yes, they were wandering out in the wilderness for almost 40 years, yet God was with them all along. I was reminded that God never changed, it was the hearts of the people, their disbelief that lead them to wandering.

Just right now, the holy spirit reminded me that yes, I may decide to wander around my hurt feelings and frustrations of others for who knows how long, but I am assured that God is always with me. I might take time to overcome and shift expectations of others, but it will come to pass. His promises are always true and will be fulfilled, in the right time.

Father God, I know you see my heart right now. I know that you know that I am still tiptoeing around my feelings of hurt and frustrations, yet you still made me feel that your presence is here with me. Thank you for never leaving my side. Please guide me as I walk through this season of healing and forgiving other people who let me down constantly. Remind me daily of your love and mercy, so I can extend it also to people who needs it.

Thank you for your word. I am so amazed of how it is so blessed and tailor fitted to what you want me to learn and know. I worship a living and amazing God, a God who will lead his people to live righteously, through Christ Jesus. I will hold on to you when things get tough again and people tests my limits and boundaries, for I know that you are the ultimate promise keeper and you will deliver your people from the works of the enemy.

Thank you for this time tonight, thank you for the air I breathe, thank you for this moving hands that can type a post of gratitude to the God of the heavens, never changing, always there. Goodnight from your daughter, I look forward to talking with you again tomorrow. Amen :)

[divineandloved]

Daily Devotion - 11/13/24

"In what way is the hurt from disappointment still lingering? Have you forgiven? What burdens do you need to surrender to God?"

This was the question that was asked on the reflection part of the devotion I am currently reading. I was able to answer it in two seconds though. Hehe.

I tend to linger too much on disappointment. I know I should not blame my parents for it, but for the sake of bringing it out into the light for it to no longer hold power against me, I had to admit that the weakness of my parents, specifically my father who tends to hold grudges against other people have a huge influence on how I look at the people around me. Based on what I saw growing up, I knew that my dad is a very enduring man. He had to endure dealing with people he doesn't like so he can bring food to the table, even if it hurts him, even if it disappoints him.. so much that he ends up not forgetting all the wounds, the unhealed parts of him, because he never heard the sorries he expected and hoped to have heard. Unfortunately, I think that dynamic has been passed on to me.

The way I see it is, I know most of my strengths and weaknesses. I know and follow my responsibilities and duties as a daughter, a wife, a friend and an employee to the best of my ability. So I am very much disappointed when the people around me does not reciprocate the same level of responsibility and effort. In my eyes, it is unfair that I endure and yet they live their lives as if they always have me to depend on.

But again, I was reminded by the word of God in Matthew 6: 14-15 (ESV)

"For if you forgive others your trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses."

Forgiveness. I was forgiven. I do not deserve it. God has always known I will disappoint him, even way before I was born. Yet, he sent his son, Jesus Christ to be crucified on my behalf.

I know this, but I couldn't forgive that easily because my wounds heal longer than others. To be honest, I think I will be stuck in meditating this verse by heart:

"Psalm 147: 3- He heals the broken- hearted and binds up their wounds".

Lord, I have a long way to go. But please, heal this wounded heart of mine. I don't want to have a callous heart. I have a lot of frustrations right now, yet I don't want to focus on them. I still have one more verse to go, the verse that says you are enough, and that you will supply all my needs (Philippians 4:19). But if I will be asked, I'd like to focus on the healing part first. I would like to get to know you more so I can eventually live believing in your promise/s.

You're the only one I can depend on. Please Lord, heal the disappointments and frustrations in my heart.

[divineandloved]

Daily Devotion - 11/11/24

There are two main things that I am feeling so frustrated recently.

I am so frustrated with us people, badmouthing other people (especially the ones who hurt us) when that person is not around. I mean, can't we be sensitive enough to also extend that level of understanding that maybe, that person is going through something that's why they hurt us? That maybe, it was unintentional because they had a bad day and felt that the odds and the world is going against them? I got so frustrated because recently, I was at the receiving end of the badmouthing. I know when I am wrong, so I shut my mouth and try my best to say nothing bad against them because it's my fault. But they talk about me as if they haven't heard my stories, my cries and my struggles. I am frustrated, I think that's not very kind.

I am frustrated with the people I love the most hurting me because they could not be honest with themselves, and it ends up that they could not be honest with me. I am frustrated specifically with my husband. Recently, we acquired a car. I can see and I know that he is struggling to pay for the monthly amortization of the car. But he couldn't admit it to himself hence, he couldn't be honest with me that he needs help. I do understand that maybe he feels ashamed to seek help from me since I pay most of the major bills but it just frustrates me because we couldn't be honest with one another. He gets ashamed of this concern, I end up feeling frustrated because I couldn't tell him what needs to be done. I am frustrated that he is hardheaded, and I am frustrated that he doesn't want to hear it.

If I will be really honest, I am at this point really that I just really wanted to shut up and just silently drown in frustration. But I have to remind myself that whenever I am feeling triggered, I have to get a diversion to clear my head. So instead of opting to stress eat or other things, I chose to just go back to basics and read the bible. I am struggling, I still have other areas that needs healing but this is what eats me up inside now and if I don't deal with this, I might end up self-sabotaging again.

As I started a devotional plan about overcoming frustration in other people, it suggested for me to read the verse from Mark 11:24, ESV which reads:

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours."

I was reminded through this devotional that yes, people will occasionally let me down.. but Jesus won't. He says it in his word. So if other people will let me down, I will just go back to Jesus. He won't let me down. I just need to ask him and pray.. I know he will listen and respond. In fact, I can imagine how many times, in his human form he wanted to back out in saving me. But he didn't. He fulfilled his side of the deal and had to be crucified to save me. This grounds me. This idea of him dying on the cross for me helps the raging storm in my heart of being so frustrated in others calm down.

Lord Jesus, you see my heart right now. I am so frustrated I am about to burst in anger and sadness. I just could not understand how the people who I love and respect couldn't reciprocate it. But starting today, through your help and comfort, I am praying to be reminded that when I am frustrated with people, I will only just look up to you. I will just look up to the man who died on the cross for a sin that he did not commit. You should have been frustrated, dying for someone who is not worthy.. but you did it otherwise, no questions asked. Thank you for your love, thank you for not feeling frustrated. I am weak, but I know you are strong. Guide me Lord, I can only hope and trust in you. I sincerely ask Lord, please cover me. You're the only hope I have amidst the people letting me down. Thank you for your grace and love, thank you for this chance of being able to pour this heart out to you. I hope to get to know you more and more. Amen.

[divineandloved]

Day 5- Daily Devotion 11/6/2024

The screaming screens.

I used to be very active in social media, particularly on Facebook. I love sharing funny memes, commenting on certain issues that I think needs a certain shedding light on, and sharing some Kdrama or Kpop Idol reel or video that I love watching.

Last September though, I had to step back and deactivate my Facebook because I did what I think, is really something stupid. In a nutshell, I posted my frustration on my social media account in hopes that people would relate to me. And ironically speaking, I was even admitting that I was a people pleasing person and looking for their validation through their likes and reactions.

Because of this stupidity, I hurt people who genuinely cares for me. I would like to think that they have forgiven me through time, but I couldn't forgive myself for burning a bridge of genuine, authentic friendships. In hopes of regaining back the control I lost with myself, I decided to deactivate and hide on a "dummy" facebook account. It somehow helped, because I can control what posts I see and the friends I can add. (Actually, it's just my real account and husband who I am friends with there hahahaa)

However, I knew that there is something more missing. It was just a small part my healing journey. So it was a decision I had to make to go back to the word of God. Because I know it is the only living water that can nourish me back to health, one day at a time.

Instead of posting memes and focusing on browsing other people's lives on Facebook, I tried to look for the root cause of why I turned out like this. And I found out that the main issue is the people pleasing. Through reading God's word, I was truly enlightened of how this can be healed. And now, I was presented with a word from "Ephesians 5:15-17, ESV: Look carefully how you walk, not as unwise but wise, making the best use of time because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is."

I was fully reminded that I have to put boundaries with my screen time. I have issues with the things I watch and share online and it affected me on a major level. But I know that as long as I try and strive, and pray to God continuously to heal me and help me, I will be victorious through Christ.

Lord, I pray and ask for your guidance to help me put limits on my screen time, I know I struggle, but I am willing to try. And I know you will help me. Though I fail at times, intentional and unintentional, I will try to always go back to you. Please don't close your doors on me. I don't know how I'll survive outside of your wings. Thank you for your love, grace and mercy. Thank you for the blood of Christ shed on the cross. The word grateful is not enough. I know I blabber too much, but I know that you see the desires of this heart you gave me. I may not hear your voice audibly, but I would like to hope that you are happy when I talk to you. I really love talking to you. I'd end this day with an Amen, but in the future I will still talk to you. Please allow me to. I love you father God, and a thousand thank yous.. in Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

[divineandloved]

Day 4 - Daily Devotion 11/4/2024

(Too much) Flattery.

As a people pleaser, this is the number one sickness I need a cure for. I am trying my best to recall when I started praising other people to the point that I set them up to be a monster. Maybe it's because I grew up in household where "tough love" is practiced? Unkind, brutally honest words were used at me growing up that I looked down at myself so bad, resulting to me responding in a manner that "I don't want other people to experience the harsh words I heard". In my personal opinion, I think there's nothing wrong with that. But going back to the main issue, it's when it is too much that it becomes unhealthy. And I know that I give too much flattery to someone when they want and need it.

In Psalms 12:2, NLT, It was said "Everyone utters lie to his neighbor; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak." I was reminded that excessive giving of flattery to someone to gain the respect, affection, trust will lead me to stumble, to fall down.. and lose my sense of self and the relationships I built in the process, because deep inside I know I was lying, I was trying to set them up to fail because I support them even if it's not good for them. My goodness, I was lying to them. I knew, but I couldn't help it.

At this point, I can only rely to the doctor who can only heal me. And that is God. 20+ years of giving excessive flattery to people, I know that I cannot do it alone. Father God, I am a unworthy of your love and your mercy, I know that I fail you on a daily basis. But please, heal me in this area. I need help. It eats me up, and it destroys my precious relationships. Thank you for reminding me clearly in this verse that I need to be upfront honest with them, I will do it not because I want to hurt them, but because I love them and I want our relationships to be built in trust and honesty. Only you can help me. I will open my heart and allow the holy spirit to guide me as I go along this journey. Though I fail, I know you are always there to guide and bring me back up to my feet. The footprints to the sand, the God I will worship and rely on. Thank you Father God, through Jesus I know there is victory in this area. Thank you for another day, another chance to talk to you. Your name be lifted high and Glorified, Amen.

[divineandloved]

Day 3 Devotional - 10/31/24

As I go along this journey of trying to reconnect with God and instill spiritual discipline, I had to go back to my personal basic issue: people-pleasing. As I was reading the guided plan, I was introduced to these verses:

Col. 3:9 ESV

"Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices"

Ephesians 4:15 ESV

"Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ"

1 Peter 3:10 NLT

"If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies".

There was one thing that really struck me while reading all these. I WAS A BIG LIAR. To be able to please people, I always resort to lying. Possibly, because I don't want to hurt their feelings, comfort them when I know what they did is not even justifiable but because they are a friend or someone I love, I lie. Lying is a big sin to God. I was reminded that as someone who is a follower of Christ, I should not resort to lying.

I should, however speak the truth with and in Love. One day at a time. As someone who has been people pleasing all my life, It will be a challenging journey but as I have mentioned ever since I started "treatment" (a.k.a reconnecting to God) I know that God will help me, lead me and guide me how to do this. As I conclude this daily devotion, I will bow down to him and humbly ask to help me speak the truth.. with Love.

Father God, thank you for reminding me that number 1, you hate lying. Number 2, Lying is a tool in people pleasing and Number 3, My main goal is not to please man but you. With this, I will open up my heart as you heal and help me overcome people pleasing. Thank you for your everlasting love. And PS, to be honest I really enjoy talking to you these past few days. Please help me make this a habit. I love you father God, but I know you love me more. What an awesome father God I have!

[heart-for-god]

Galatians 1:10

[divineandloved]

Daily Devotion- Day 2. 10/30/24

Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Today, I was able to learn the greek word "Aresko"- which meant to please, to win someone's approval, affection, attention, and meet their expectations and willingly serve them. It made me realize that all this time, I am focusing on pleasing the wrong people. I always overthink what they think of me, to the point that I self sabotage in the process, destroying the relationships I established with them. In specific example, while trying to please them in the process, I become too overwhelmed or too sensitive, and when that happens, I tend to say or do things that are unnecessary or hurtful. It ends up leaving a gap. And that is my biggest problem nowadays.

However, I am confident that God will guide me to overcome this weakness. I will try to shift my focus, my Aresko, to God. I think it will be a more meaningful journey to please God.

Now the big question is, how do I start pleasing God? So far, these are some of the things in my list. (and I'll add more if I remember them right away):

Try my best (so help me God) to be spiritually disciplined. I will try to read his word on a daily basis to talk to him and listen to what he wants to tell me.

As mentioned in Galatians 1:10, I am not a servant of Christ if I please people more than pleasing God. With this, I will serve Christ first through being more understanding and being less sensitive to the people and situations around me. Now, this doesn't mean I will stay quiet and just say yes to people to please God. What I mean right here is to be able to just extend grace and understanding if people might ask me to say or do something that I don't like, but gently decline and explain to them my boundaries.

For now, these are my top two. I'll add more if I remember. I hope and pray, Lord help me.. to be your follower, rather than a follower of the opinions and approval of people. I am saved by grace and confident I can overcome these weaknesses because you love me. You, my God will be all I need. You're the only one I would like to please, everything else just follows. :)

[divineandloved]

Daily Devo thoughts. 10/29/24

Today, I started a plan about how to avoid people pleasing. For those who would take time to listen and read, I am a huge people pleaser. I knew it has taken a toll on me recently, so I wanted to change. I was reminded of the word in Proverbs 29:25 "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe", and 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and discipline".

I had to reflect on what "snares" or baits in the current situations I'm in that leads me to people pleasing, and here's what I was able to think of:

I tend to not talk back. I am the type of person who is just not comfortable in expressing myself. I feel that when I try to, I will just burst with anger and cry instead of really trying to send the message across. I don't want other people to see me like that.

I am a yes person. I always say yes because I fear that people will leave or not understand my points of view.

I don't want to disappoint a person. It ends up eating me alive and eventually, I lose myself in the process.

Since these three are the major issues I have with people pleasing, my action plan is to remind myself that I do not need the approval of others, I have to be honest (in a courteous and subjective way) about what I feel because father God has given me the power to express myself. My father, my God has already given me his seal of approval. I am loved and accepted. My thoughts and feelings matter.

Thank you Lord God for loving and accepting me. I will try my best, starting today to live honestly with myself, say the things that bothers me, what is against my will, and what is truthful yet gentle to the people that matters to me. I claim that God will continue to heal and help me. He is with me, I trust him and him alone.

[archive-for-my-soul]