Still ok even if it’s not.
I was been moved by my friend who also suffers in an internal struggle, but way worse than mine. It all started when she had suffered sleepless nights, literally because she had insomnia. Then as time goes by, she hadn’t attended our classes for a very long time that she had dropped several subjects. She had a chronic depression and she had undergone therapies and taking medicines. Not so long ago, she told me that according to the findings on her mental condition, she has a Bipolar Disorder.
And as of this time, she is so down because she got a failing grade at one of her back subjects. She felt so bad about herself and worse, she lost her confidence to God.
Here’s an excerpt of our conversation recently:
She: Eto malungkot pa rin 😞 Kahit kasi anong gawin kong paglilibang hindi na mababago yung grade ko kay Avatar
M: I know. Masakit. Kaya mo iyan! I seek mo lang ang Lord. Pray, devotion, worship. Just remember, di ka nag-iisa. Maski rin naman ako nilalabanan ko tong depression na nararamdaman ko. Basta alam ko na lilipas din to. May purpose pa ko. May rason pa para mabuhay. May pangarap pa ko at ang Lord sa buhay ko. Di ako ok na ok. At least may part na ok. May ganda pa rin ang buhay.
S: Ayun na yung pananaw ko sa buhay ngayon na walang Diyos na gumagabay sa kin
M: Pero alam mo na may Diyos? Pero pakiramdam mo na walang Diyos na gumagabay sa iyo.
S: Ayaw talaga ako papasahin ng Diyos niyo kaya ganun nagkaletse letse buhay ko sa college.Alam mo naman na nabaliw ako di ba at pinacheck up sa Mental dahil sa bullying at trauma sa terror profs.
M: I understand Nhaj na di ka ok emotionally. Ang masasabi ko, nadadala ka ng sitwasyon at ng emosyon mo. But I tell you God is real. Kung ano man ang nararamdaman mo at nararanasan mo, huwag mong isipin na hindi niya alam kung anong sitwasyon. Pero naiintindihan kita kung ganyan ang disposisyon mo sa buhay ngayon. Hindi kita iju judge. Just remember na may nagmamahal sa iyo. I love you Nhagie!
M: At Nhagie, huwag mong tawagin ang sarili mo na nabaliw. Hindi ka nabaliw, nagkaroon ka lang ng mental illness. Huwag kang mado down, matakot o magpakain sa stigma. Dito naman ako na patuloy na iintindihin ka at tutulungan ka, kahit man lang bilang friend at tagapagkinig ng kuwento ng buhay mo.
M: You're welcome. Basta, kung may gusto kang sabihin, type ka lang sa chat box o I approach mo ko sa Coc.
We maybe not ok but I’m thankful that encouraging her made me encouraged myself as well. As a friend, I’m very willing to help her in any way that I can, even if I know that I have also my own battle. But it really makes me feel better, and it made me look beyond myself. It made me realize that I’m still way blessed and ok even if I’m not ok because there are these persons that suffer more than you and who needs much of help.
Nhagie, that won’t last for long. There is hope. There is life. There is more to life than what you’re into right now. With love, M.
