I’m Never What I like
(Not quite never, just wanted to make a song reference)
A while ago I gave a lot of thought to the way a person will act differently depending on who they’re around. For example, you wouldn’t act the same way around a potential employer as you would around your friends (excluding cases where these are the same person -_- ). Now, while this can show the extent of the change, it doesn’t really give a feel the the real nature of it. Of course you behave differently around employers, but that can be a conscious choice, “acting professional”, the interesting part of it is when you do it automatically. What could give a better sense of this is the way you act around your friends vs the way you act around your family. A friend of mine had never noticed until I pointed it out but he actually used a totally different voice to talk to his family.
So the change can be significant and subconscious. You can behave like a totally different person and still be genuinely you. Like having different versions of oneself.
More recently I’ve had this off-shoot of that idea:
What if you’re not happy with some of those versions though? Not all of them, that’s a different problem. You have settings, people you’re around, where you are a version of yourself you are happy with, proud of, but it doesn’t seem to carry. When it’s a subconscious change in behavior, how do you stay the version of you you’re happy with? It’s frustrating and confusing and common and a pain in the ass when you’re trying to get to know new people.
I imagine it could be a matter of practice, conditioning, some built up level of comfort, whatever. First impressions are probably a pain no matter what and it would be quite something to always be happy with yourself. I just wish I had a bit more control over it (join the club, right?).