Discover Top Posts Tagged with #owlocene

I should have saved my old url. Now I'm "owlocenee" bc "owlocene" was taken.

I hope you are madame lalaurie

Why suicide is just a thought in my head, not an action. Part 1.

I don't trust many people so I haven't talked about this with anyone.

Last monday I talked to her and she asked about me and my suicidal thoughts, but it was different this time. She didn't ask "have you tried to commit suicide?" like everyone else, she said: "why haven't you commited suicide? what keeps you fighting against your pain?", I think It was the question I was expecting, I didn't answer immediately, I carefully said:

-"Maybe i don't want to end with my life at all, I want is to start again, to disappear but not to die, there are so many things I want to do, there are so many dreams I used to have before I gave up and in some delicate way they are waiting to appear again in my life, I don't know when but I know there are dreams, not only this nightmare"

So i started to think of all the things I would like to do before a die (not before "I give up") and I realized I'm not always in a black hole, I'm in the "limbo", between my current life (the one i call nightmare) and the life i used to want (dreams) and It's only in my hands to choose wich side of the story i'm going to start living.

I'm tired of being uncomfortable, sad, alone, lost and full of shitty thoughts, I'm tired of life but I'm grateful because after all i'm still breathing, sometimes I sink but there's always a little bit of oxigen in my lungs.

I know, this positivism may not last too much, It always ends, It is part of my "problems" but I try to enjoy it when it's here.

Ela

#ela #owlocene