Writing disabled characters as a disabled person is both liberating and painful. Having those experiences of chronic pain makes it easier for me to describe how my MC feels about his pain. For example, how it feels like burning knives are stabbed into his leg over and over. Or how you’ll push yourself to do something, you know very well you don’t have the energy to do. Pulling from these experiences has been more liberating than I thought. It has helped me deal with some of the trauma, and also come into this acceptance that I’m still as badass as anyone else. Which is why I think writing disabled characters is just as important as writing queer characters. Everyone deserves to feel themselves connected with a character, and to live vicariously through them. This it what fiction is made for, to have these stories where our minds can run free.
I’ve read both books with queer characters where their feelings of their sexuality have resonated with me, and make me cry over the feeling of being seen. And I’ve read books with disabled characters and had the same feeling. This is why it’s so important to have representation. To have queer, disabled and/or POC in rom-coms, fantasy, sci-fi and thrillers. To show that a character that looks like you, has the same feeling as you can be a badass hero. Which is what I want to do with “Ruins of Dawn”, yes I just name dropped the new and improved title for my WIP. I want to show that a morally gray character, who has nerve pain and limps, still can kick ass. That neither his disability nor sexuality defines who he is as a person, or if he can save the world. He’s Ed Johnston, the world’s most powerful super.
I’ve seen so many writblr introductions that I wanted to do one!
P.S., it’s a long one.
So I got into writing (as a hobby, even though I’ve always loved creating stories as a kid) thanks to an old bully of mine in Swedish eighth grade. I wrote my first queer characters, in my first English WIP ever. It was a fanfic/AU of She-hulk and other Marvel characters, and of course I posted that bad boy on Wattpad and think it got 80k views over the year on something I’ve never finished. I remember being so nervous about making my FMC fall in love with another woman and for them to care for each other. In retrospect, it probably had to do a lot with trying to figure out my sexuality. But as soon as I did it I felt such relief, and I’ve never looked back on writing straight MCs.
But how does this connect with my writing journey and who I’m today? Well, I’m 23 yo, and my English is better, and that’s coming from someone who’s dyslexic, heck I think I can spell better and have a more advanced language in English than in Swedish which is ironic that it’s my native language. But genre wise nowadays, I write MM Romance in a bunch of different sub genres: romcom, fantasy/sci-fi, thriller, and a bit of horror. And ever since my disability progressed, I’ve tried to incorporate disability in my stories — have bad ass characters that just happen to limp. It’s not the end of the world and that’s what I wanna read.
Which is the most important thing I learned as a 16 yo kid posting on Wattpad and getting the social anxiety and burnout of posting there. Write for yourself. Write what you wanna read. Which has made me connect so much more with my stories and characters, especially when writing a WIP as RUINS OF DAWN and letting myself lean into the darkness I’ve always enjoyed as a kid.
But one of the negative things I know my bullying has affected me in is I know no one’s gonna care about what I write because I’m who I am. Because I’m me. And that’s why it took me so much time in to figure out that I can, and I’m allowed to send queries to agents. That just because I’m me doesn’t make it that anyone else who’s ace, queer, and/or disabled can’t connect with the characters and see a glimpse of themselves. Because that is what RUINS OF DAWN is for me. It’s a book for my 15 yo self that loved all the grimy and gory stuff, who was not feeling good or understood why I was feeling like this around people. Though RUINS OF DAWN is not for people under 18, but if I know myself, a bit of blood and spicy scenes wouldn’t have stopped me. My favorite and comfort movie is WARM BODIES. A damn zombie movie, though the books are more horrifying.
So what is RUINS OF DAWN then? Well, it’s the WIP I’m currently laying all my focus on getting done and ready for beta reading, and the one I’m gonna try to query.
RUINS OF DAWN is a dark sci-fi romance thriller, set in 1962 after the Cubs crisis has gone nuclear. It follows Ed Johnston, our Time manipulating protagonist who gets forced by the NTIA—an organization created by the President to watch supers (Psst, think of an organization corrupted like the TVA from LOKI)—to meet the Director, and where he meets his ex-lover the waiting room. It’s enemies-to-lovers, second chance with similar horror elements as Isaac Marion’s THE BURNING WORLD.
Comp-titles for RUINS OF DAWN: V. E. Schwab’s VICIOUS, Amal El-Mohtar THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE THE TIME WAR, Greg Rucka’s THE OLD GUARD, MOONKNIGHT (2022), DEADPOOL (2016), L. J Hayward’s WHERE DEATH MEETS THE DEVIL, Isaac Marion’s THE BURNING WORLD.
So if you like the X-MEN, THE WATCHMEN or anything to do with superheroes and time loops and time travel, then I hope you’ll follow me on my journey to get this bad boy published.
Also, I’d gladly get to know more writers. My life is definitely lacking writing buddies, because authors supporting other authors is the best thing ever.
