@look-back-month-challenge Day 4: Do you still have any toys from your childhood?
Lots! I moved three times last year and I’ve donated a lot of my collections in order to make that work but there are some I will never be able to part with, like Sam.
Sam is a “Lightning the Horse” beanie baby released in 2002.
He was given to me by the first friend I made when I moved to the state I currently live in. It was a big deal for me as a horse obsessed autistic 2nd grader and after years of knowing him in my mind just as that feeling of friendship I had with that girl, I eventually named him after her :•)
Sun filtered in through the large windows of the Prickly Palm, the last of the customer for the day leaving with a large bird of paradise in their arms as Berry counted the till. In the past few weeks, the woman had thrown herself into work, picking up extra shifts on days she didn’t need to just to have something to do to keep her occupied. “We’re just closing, sorry!” She sung out before looking up, the sing-song tone of her voice dying the moment she saw his face and remembered how badly the last time they saw each other went. “Sam,” Berry frowned at him, “what are you doing here?”
This was the first time Logan had been in a bar since... what, his graduation party? Frankly, he wasn’t sure he liked it too much. The music was too loud, the people even louder, and he couldn’t find his brother anywhere. Squeezing himself into the corner of the room, the man sipped on his drink - something called a fruit tingle? - as he began to regret even calling Sam up. What could Sam teach him about life that he hadn’t already taught himself? He was smart, he was cool, he should know a lot by now. Yet peering around the room, at the confidence that exuded off each person, he couldn’t but feel there was so much left to learn.
His lips were only just starting to stain blue from the fruit tingle when he spotted his brother finally wandering in. “Sam! Sam!” He waved exaggeratedly across the room, beckoning the older Caine over, “Over here! Hi,” his nerves were clearly getting the better of him, making him more of a hot mess than usual, “good to see you! Let’s uh... let’s get to it, yeah?” he rubbed his hands together as though he were about to do a science experiment. Which, in a way, it kind of was.
TO: DYLAN HART
FROM: SECRET ADMIRER
MESSAGE: happy vday to the most beautiful person i know xoxo
Sam waited for his boys before they entered into the gym. He looked over and scanned the gym looking for Dylan and smirked when they easily found her. He nodded them over in her direction. He made a deal with one of the kids who controlled the speakers - so that they could have the music playing on the speakers in the gym. “Dylan Hart!” He pointed just so she’d know they were there strictly for her - even though it of course caught everyone’s attention. He smiled looking over at Trace revealing the megaphone.
Holding his new best friend, the megaphone, to his lips, Trace pushed the button and spoke into it, “We have a very special Vocal Valentine for you.” As they approached the cheerio, Julien wiggled his eye brows. “It’s from…a secret admirer,” he said suggestively, pursing his lips and shrugging dramatically, “and they said: happy v-day to the most beautiful person I know. xoxo!”
While those two were talking Sammy asked the other’s to give them some space so that they could have some room to do their routine. And as the music kicked on through the speakers - they instantly got into performance mode and easily jumped into harmony with each other. The students became quiet and their voices echoed a little more off the gym walls. The fun part about these events is the guessing game on which of the six octaves was Sammy going to start off with. And this one he went with his highest. “Honey, Honey, I can see the stars all the way from here…” and just like that he dropped to his lowest. “Can’t you see the glow on the window pane….” Soon the boys moved together in unison, wowing everyone with their sharp and coordinated dance moves.
Destiny’s Boys, as Trace liked to refer to their little trio as, were a hit. At this point they’d done a couple performances, so the choreography and vocals were clean. As they sang and danced their way across the gym with boatloads of energy, they got a couple of glares, but similarly, a couple of the girls in the class also joined in to make the number extra special for Dylan. Additionally, Trace spotted Coach Evans bopping his head along and getting into the performance.
And without much effort they pooled in the gym class to start singing with them halfway into the song and the music stop as the crowd sung with the boys, creating an acapella within the gym class walls. Sam led the class into a mass clap as they continued singing the chorus of the song. "Baby-Baby, it you!” Sam continued to sing on until they came to the perfect stop. The music and song died down, but Trace and Sammy kept up a soft rhythmic hum as Julien approached Dylan with a rose in hand and said, “happy Valentine’s day, Dylan Hart. You’re awesome!”
When three of the glee boys busted into Dylan’s P.E. class, she knew exactly what was happening, she just hadn’t expected it to be for her. “Are you guys being serious?” she wondered in complete awe, grinning bashfully as she brought both her hands up to her cheeks and stared at them all doe eyed, “stop, really?! For me?!” The second Julien Schuester revealed that it was from a secret admirer, her cheeks immediately flushed. There was really only one person it could’ve been.
Cam Evans.
Her heart was on the edge of bursting once the boys started singing love on top. Could this be any sweeter? Dylan watched with hearts in her eyes as they absolutely killed the song, giggling each time one of them came over to her and sang directly to her. This was amazing. She could really feel the love and the valentine’s day spirit. Once the number was over and Julien handed her the rose, she jumped up and down for a moment before pulling Jules, Trace and Sam into a big hug. “Oh my gosh, you guys,” she squealed, squeezing them, “I loved it so much. Thank you!” And just as quickly as they’d come, they were gone, and Dyl was left with a gaggle of giddy cheerios as their P.E. teacher blew his whistle.
Tucker sauntered over to the spitfire of a girl that Tristan had warned him about, figuring he might as well make an introduction. Half the time he ignored all the kids who were part of the caravan but hearing the girl was a pain in the ass, but useful, made this a little different. Pains in the ass were a dime a dozen but useful was still rare. “Hey there,” he said, waving a hand toward the girl, “Tristan told me you might be up for a scavenge run?” He shot her a smile and picked at the hem of his shirt. She was cute but not the kind of girl he was used to spend time with. Unique. He could deal with that as long as she could keep up.
Sam raised an eyebrow at an older gentleman approaching her. She nodded her greeting in return but said nothing until he mentioned scavenging. If there was one thing she was good at, it was scavenging. She was quick, quiet and efficient. "I'm always up for a run but....think you can keep up with me ol' timer?" She questioned while eyeing him closely. She wasn't sure if she should risk taking him, even though he really wasn't old she just preferred to go on runs alone. Never liked risking another person on her watch. "If you're embarrassed because you need some cholesterol medication it's no biggie, I'm not judging."
Hands flutter anxiously over the table, over the gear, then finally over to Cas' sleeve, where he presses just hard enough to feel the hand beneath it before he backs away. "You okay?" It's on a breath, too strong out for anything else. They're safe in the bunker (never truly safe anywhere, but safe enough), and Sam tries to take strength from it as he tries to hold Castiel's gaze.
Somehow, despite all that has changed in the years since he met the Winchesters—everything he’s learned, everything he’s experienced—, small gestures like this still catch him off guard.
And Sam Winchester, despite his size, is full of small, careful gestures.
He can’t be sure whether it’s Castiel’s comfort or his own that Sam seeks, but he feels the brief warmth of that hand through to the tattered remnants of his grace. And Castiel finds himself wishing he could retaliate in kind by healing all of Sam’s aches and pains.
Blue eyes look up at Sam Winchester, full of tired affection.
This is not a question that always requires an honest, objective answer, he’s come to find.
“I’m fine, Sam.” His smile is barely noticeable, there and gone, but he knows Sam will see it. And now he has the perfect chance to give voice to an old observation.
“You haven’t been sleeping.” Not often, and definitely not well.
WHAT: Sam returns to Campus and tells Dani about their missing friends.
WARNING(S): depression
Sam:
Sam really didn't know how to comprehend anything that happened. Everything was still a whirlwind inside his head, threatening to spill over and cause him to scream out in frustration. The feeling of something disturbing inside his stomach was unidentifiable. Was it from swallowing the water or from the cold fear of even more people being missing? Missing. It was just supposed to be a clean up. How did it come to this? Could they ever just get a damn break? He could go to his dorm, take some healing potions, and go right to sleep. But he couldn't. Because he had to tell her. If she found out some other way, he wouldn't forgive himself. His eyes closed as he leaned against Dani's door, knocking twice, unable to get his friend's face out of his head, the last time he caught a glimpse of her. Tears of frustration and sadness threatened to seep out and he took a deep breath to hold himself together.(edited)
Dani:
Dani knew something was wrong. She couldn´t exactly tell what it was, or why she was feeling this way, but she couldn´t shake it. And she couldn´t sleep either. She´d been meaning to go to the clean up, but things had been busy. She´d been meaning to catch up on some studies and when she had been done it had been too late to join everyone. Or maybe it hadn´t been considering they still weren´t back. When she heard the knock on the door she frowned, shaking her head slowly. Since when did Marley knock? Surely, things had been a little rocky lately, but she didn´t need to knock. Swinging her legs out of bed she moved towards the door. "You don´t..." Stopping in her tracks when she saw Sam of all people she could feel her heart stomach turning slightly. "What´s wrong?"
Sam:
Sam gulped when Dani opened the door, feeling his stomach churn violently. This feeling was definitely related to the water, or not, but he had to get through this. He didn't want to tell her in the doorway so he cleared his throat. "Can we talk inside?" Once he was in, he turned to face her, and took a breath. How could he begin to explain what happened when he wasn't there? He didn't even know why they went missing. All he knew was they were. It was like New Year's Eve all over again and it somehow felt even more gut wrenching. "I- I don't know where to begin, so much..." He shook his head. "Stuff happened. Like always with us. We split up into groups and...one group was Quinn, Santana, this new girl Brittany, Joe, and- and Marley" He choked at her name. "Kurt wasn't in their group but...but somehow something happened to them and they're missing. We can't find them."
Dani:
"Missing." Dani spoke the word before things could really sink in. "What do you mean, missing?" Of course she understood the general meaning of the word. But how had this happened? "No. No. This can´t be true. It was supposed to be a clean up. Nothing dangerous. But then again when was anything in this god damn place ever NOT dangerous? "Why didn´t you save them? Why didn´t anyone do anything? Did you guys tell anyone? We have to do something." She tried to ignore the way her stomach turned at the thought of Marley, and the others, missing. No, she wasn´t going to lose anyone again. She simply couldn´t.
Sam:
Sam knew she wasn't really blaming him, she was just upset and scared. It still hurt to hear and he had to keep it together. "The Boulder's putting together a search party, he told the rest of us to stay out of the forest in case anything else happened. We were all in different parts of the forest so we didn't even know until everyone met up. I...I was with Tina, Kitty, this kid Kevin, Dave, and Coleman at Mermaid's Drowning. They had gone to the west part of the forest. Blaine and...the rest to the east.. Something...happened there too, and with us." He shook his head. "I came here straight away to tell you what happened. Then I was going to make some flyers, try to figure out...how to find them." He closed his eyes, trying to fight the urge to vomit.(edited)
Dani:
Nothing he said made sense, not in the long run anyways. Why had they all split up? In a forest that was obviously dangerous. Dani wasn´t blaming Sam for that decision, obviously, but it seemed like they always managed to get themselves into dangerous situations. And she hadn´t been there. She hadn´t been there to help Marley, or to protect her friends. She could feel tears stinging in her eyes as she nodded at the bed. "Sit." She managed, swallowing hard. Did they just expect everyone to sit by and wait? "Are you okay?"
Sam:
Sam was grateful to be sitting down and he closed his eyes, trying to quell the nausea. He looked up at her and shook his had. "No...no, definitely not." He shuddered. "I failed her. I failed them. I failed- everything." he shuddered. "We saw an Undine at Mermaid's Drowning. She was trying to tell us something important and...I don't know what all of it was...she was mainly talking to Kitty because Kitty went in the water first and we followed...but Coleman, he...I don't know what the fuck he was thinking." His eyes were furious as he recalled what happened. "He did something with the water and...the Undine was killed. I tried to save her, but my magic doesn't work underwater since I can't talk and...it was all just so fucked up." He looked up at her. "I'm sorry, I know I don't make sense, I'm just...I want them all back and I feel like I'm going to be sick and...I really hate this feeling of not being able to save them. I know it's not my job but...our friends needed us and we weren't there." He whispered finally.
Dani:
"Hey, this isn´t your fault. You´re not supposed to save everyone by yourself." Dani didn´t blame him. Though a twisted, small part of her wondered if people could have done more. But then again she also blamed herself for not going. She could have done those essays some other time. Could have finished reading the book a different time. She could have followed them once she was done. But no. Now her friends were missing, or worse, and she tried her best to push that thought away. "Hey, you listen to me, okay?" She then added, reaching out to rest a hand against his cheek. "It´s not your fault. We´ll find them. And they´ll be fine." If she trusted anyone to find their friends then it was The Boulder.
Sam:
Sam could hear her words and knew what she was saying was true. But he still blamed himself and he was sure she was too. The one person they both were connected with was gone, and he could have easily gone with her, protected her. But would that mean he would be missing as well? He had no idea. Sam just knew this situation was not something they should ever have to deal with. He took the hand on his cheek and squeezed it. "I hope so. We can't keep losing people." He chuckled bitterly. "It's all so screwed up."
Dani:
He was right. They couldn´t keep losing people. Surely, she wasn´t really friends with all of the missing people, quite the opposite with some really, but that didn´t mean Dani didn´t care. As much as she tried not to, she still did. And she couldn´t imagine how things would be if all of the missing people just...stayed gone. She could feel her stomach turning again at the thought and pushed the thought aside as best as she could. "Hey. I´m glad you´re okay." She eventually managed, though her voice sounded almost defeated. What were they going to do? "You´re staying here tonight." She then added with a nod, pulling back the covers.
Sam:
Sam smiled weakly, wanting to say thank you but not really able to convey the words. When she offered the bed to him, he almost said no. But he was so tired, the healing he had given himself earlier was starting to kick in a bit more, and frankly, he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want her to be alone now. So he nodded his head. "Okay." He slipped under the covers but even though he was laying down, he didn't know if he would sleep that night. How could he sleep when all he could see was Marley's face in his head? See all their faces.
Dani:
Sleep wasn´t something that had come easy to Dani during these past few weeks. It had been a little better the moment Marley had returned, but now that her girlfriends was gone, missing, she wasn´t sure she´d sleep. But she wasn´t going to be alone. And she wasn´t going to let Sam be alone either. Laying down beside him she pulled the covers over them and held back a sigh. "Why didn´t you call me?" She then asked into the silence. It wasn´t a judgement, just...a question. Maybe she couldn´t have done anything anyways, but she sure as hell would have tried.
Sam:
Sam closed his eyes, when she asked why he didn't call. He didn't even know the answer to that. There was no way he could give an answer that would even be acceptable. "I didn't want you in danger too. Between Coleman and the others, I...I wasn't going to let anyone else be caught up in that." He looked over at her. "Marley would probably throw thorns at me if I led you into danger." He said, trying to not choke as he said it.
Dani:
"True. You should have done it anyways." Dani replied with a sigh. "That´s what this is for, right?" She reached for the pendent around her neck. "We´re supposed to protect each other." And of course he´d been trying to do just that with not calling her, but part of her wished she would have been there to help. "Just...next time...call me, okay?" She then added. It was sad that she was more than sure that there would be a next time, but...she simply had to know that he´d call her if he needed help. If...Marley needed help. Closing her eyes she sighed again, wrapping her arms around him.
Sam:
Sam nodded his head. It was true, their pendants were for that reason. He would call her next time, no matter what was happening. He looked at her. "I will. I'll call you." There couldn't be a situation in which he decided not to call her. Because she could help and that was what she was there for, to back him up. He snuggled against her, closing his eyes, not really sleeping, but not wanting to see anything.
Lara had just left the court for the last time that day and she was feeling like a million dollars because it was the second case in a row that she had won that day and it was definitely earning her some points with the district’s prosecutor. Her mind was tired and her body was exhausted and she definitely didn’t feel like cooking something to eat, so she stopped by one of her favorite restaurants and ordered something to go while texting Sam in the meantime. Lara agreed on heading to his place with dinner for the both of them and Chris and once everything was ready, she placed the to-go bags on her passenger’s seat and drove to her baby brother’s apartment.
“Hey handsome.” She smiled, stepping into Sam’s and Chris’ apartment and leaving her heels by the door. The smile of relief in her lips was indescribable. “Brought food. I figured we could watch one of those shows you like so much after we eat? Is Chris joining us?”
