Where My Demons Hide ; treegan
Keegan never fought with Troian. Like...ever. They both had the easy going personalities that caused them to feel comfortable saying anything and everything around each other, and he knew it helped that they had bonded as best friends before even thinking about taking that next step. He knew Troian like the back of his hand. He could tell just from a single expression on her face if she was unhappy, if she was hurt, if she was happy. He had prided himself on being the one person that would never hurt her in her life.
And listening to her cry after their fight had killed him inside. He had wanted nothing more than to get up from the uncomfortable couch and go into the bedroom, apologize for being such an asshole but he knew she didn't want to speak to him. He wouldn't either. He wished he could explain...he wished he had the courage to tell her why he had been so unlike himself. It wasn't that he didn't trust Troian, it was just that Keegan was still struggling with coming to terms with his disorder. He had only been diagnosed two years ago. And he kept up on his pills but sometimes he forgot and when he missed his dosage...well, it was like another side of Keegan came out. A bitter, angry side that he didn't like at all. Everyone had a dark side and Keegan's was one he preferred to keep hidden way deep down inside.
The plane ride over to New York was incredibly awkward. Troian, still hurt, had ignored him apart from stiff answers about if Bentley had been fed or if Kennedy had gone to sleep. He was almost grateful Bentley had been such a little terror on the plane ride - maybe not grateful for the angry looks other riders shot him, but just because he had something to focus on instead of the chilly silence Troian was giving him.
When they arrived, Keegan directed them towards the hotel he had been staying at. All expenses were paid for the entire duration they'd be there and it was better than paying for an apartment there. He showed Bentley the cool kid's playroom they had and glanced at Troian who was still refusing to look at him, instead taking Kennedy and stalking off to the room. Great.
After he had gotten Bentley down to sleep, Keegan couldn't take it any longer. He needed his T back. He wanted her to enjoy this experience with him, not the two of them to walk on eggshells around each other. He leaned against the wall as he watched her rock Kennedy to sleep and when she had placed Kennedy in the crib provided for them by the accomodating hotel staff, walked over and took her hand gently. "I want to show you something."
He led her over to the bed, watched as she sat, and dug around in his medicine bag before handing her a bottle of pills. "I have bipolar disorder," he said simply and knelt down so he was at her level. "I was diagnosed after my dad's death. I take these to elevate my moods, because if not, I go from happy manic Keegan to miserable lethargic Keegan and as you could see the other night, asshole bitter Keegan." He clasped her hands, lacing his fingers with hers. "Troian, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to be such a dick the other night. I missed my pill and it just...messed with me. I didn't mean to upset you or make you cry." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Believe me, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was just...embarrassed."
