#p2pj

[darksideofthemoonpie]

You remember me mentioning my dream about me gaining weight and leggings were too small? Well, it happened.

I went to the grocery store the other day, and I wore my size 12 AE long pants, a bit tighter than the 12 shorts, but not as tight as my 10s.

I kept having to pull them up. They kept crawling down.

I went to bend over to pick up a case of la croix and as I started to bend I noticed my ass start to hang out. I literally had to get my husband to pick it up for me. I was so embarrassed I about died right there. I couldn't even pick up a case of Lacroix. I tried squatting too. That was no better.

I'm too fat to function in society.

Good night, folks

I won't wake up anytime soon.

[darksideofthemoonpie]

Fat jokes are not a punchline

Fat jokes are not a punchline

Fat jokes are not a punchline

Fat jokes are not a punchline

Fat jokes are not a punchline

[darksideofthemoonpie]

[darksideofthemoonpie]

I got up early this morning and sat in on a crossfit class just to make sure I wasn't going in over my head.

It didn't seem as intimidating as the classes you see online. No tire flipping or any of that.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to sign up tomorrow and start in the morning.

What do I have to lose?

Here's to hoping that I can get started and get down below 200 by the new year.

Of course, I'd like to get down by Halloween, but let's be realistic here. My weight has never went down like it should.

According to losertown I will meet my highlighted goals at these times

10/8 - under 200 lbs

12/3 - no longer obese

2/18 - no longer overweight

4/15 - under 125 lbs

5/13 - at ugw

I have to try

What do I have to lose? (except money)

[darksideofthemoonpie]

Jeans I wear now (bottom)

Vs jeans I wore last October (top)

I have a long way to go

[darksideofthemoonpie]

Well, I decided to l that I'm going to try crossfit.

I know, I know, everyone says that it is really tough. I'm afraid to go to a real gym with everyone taking photos and recording people and posting those videos online for more likes.

I don't want to be a viral tiktok.

I haven't signed up yet but I'm going to sit in and watch a class this week and see what I think about it. I'm told the morning classes are the easier ones than the afternoons. If I can get my ass out of bed in the morning then I can make a 6:30 class before work.

I'm thinking of starting 3x a week in the morning and eventually going up if I can make it.

My doctor is taking me off of olanzapine and is going to try me on only lamotragine and quetiapine. I am weaning of currently, but I should be off entirely after a couple of weeks.

My weight, omg i have gained so much weight.

I am up to 222 lbs. That's almost to where I started from.

I stayed eating more and I haven't drank my tea in months. I'm in a size 14-16. I haven't purged and haven't binged much either, only a handful of times. I'm still gaining weight like crazy.

I'm going to try to go back to being vegan. I haven't eaten much fast food lately. I've been eating wraps for lunch and raisin bread for breakfast. I'll continue to avoid meat, eggs, and dairy. I'm really hoping that this intense exercise will really help me lose weight on top of me getting off the olanzapine.

I'm really sorry about my absence lately, I just really didn't have anything to write about. But I haven't been starving or (much) binging, and I've been walking at least a mile every day. I just keep gaining and gaining weight. It makes me feel hopeless that I will just die being obese, and then I will be stuck with heart disease and high blood pressure and diabetes ( I don't have.. yet) and I'll die at 60.

Start over at 222 lbs.

I'm going to sit in on a crossfit class before I sign up to make sure I'm not getting in over my head. It's more expensive than a regular gym, but I won't have people filming me or posting my fat as on tiktok for likes and attention. That's why I went to the private rooms at the gym when I did go before covid. I just felt so self-conscious thinking everyone was watching me.

When I went to the crossfit place though, there was this one girl working out that was a little heavier than me. I could see though that she had lost some weight as I saw some sagging skin. She was doing that thing where you jump onto a box. It really motivated me to want to join. I'm going to sit in on a class first though to make sure I'm not getting in over my head.

Here's to health and not excessive fasting resulting in a binge-purge cycle. No more laxatives. I'm still going to consider skipping breakfast and substituting a black iced coffee. ☕️ I didn't buy any raisin bread this week but I have plenty of protein wraps, lettuce, and tofurky.

I hope I can stick with it this time. 🤞

[darksideofthemoonpie]

This kind of bs, I swear.

I am about a 6 on this, maybe a little bigger.

I am so sick of men. 🙄🙄🙄

Notice all of the commentors are men, probably single too.

[darksideofthemoonpie]

Ok, I'm gonna do it this time.

I have no more excuses.

My husband went to the doctor last week, and his lab results weren't that great.

His Dr advised him what foods to avoid and what foods he can have.

Oh goody, no more picking me up impossible whoppers and egg biscuits.

No more buying chips, cookies, ice cream, processed foods, fried foods, eggs, most meats, and beer. (beer was a big one for him. His liver levels were pretty bad and he has to have more labs done to make sure he doesn't have any irreversible damage.)

But, for at least now I can cook things for dinner that I LIKE.

We are even talking about going to the farmer's market on Sunday mornings to get local, fresh produce.

I know he will give up in 6 weeks, he always does, but this time he seems really scared. 😱

Now I have no excuses.

There will not be bad foods in my house anymore.

Good food in, bad food out