Well, I decided to l that I'm going to try crossfit.
I know, I know, everyone says that it is really tough. I'm afraid to go to a real gym with everyone taking photos and recording people and posting those videos online for more likes.
I don't want to be a viral tiktok.
I haven't signed up yet but I'm going to sit in and watch a class this week and see what I think about it. I'm told the morning classes are the easier ones than the afternoons. If I can get my ass out of bed in the morning then I can make a 6:30 class before work.
I'm thinking of starting 3x a week in the morning and eventually going up if I can make it.
My doctor is taking me off of olanzapine and is going to try me on only lamotragine and quetiapine. I am weaning of currently, but I should be off entirely after a couple of weeks.
My weight, omg i have gained so much weight.
I am up to 222 lbs. That's almost to where I started from.
I stayed eating more and I haven't drank my tea in months. I'm in a size 14-16. I haven't purged and haven't binged much either, only a handful of times. I'm still gaining weight like crazy.
I'm going to try to go back to being vegan. I haven't eaten much fast food lately. I've been eating wraps for lunch and raisin bread for breakfast. I'll continue to avoid meat, eggs, and dairy. I'm really hoping that this intense exercise will really help me lose weight on top of me getting off the olanzapine.
I'm really sorry about my absence lately, I just really didn't have anything to write about. But I haven't been starving or (much) binging, and I've been walking at least a mile every day. I just keep gaining and gaining weight. It makes me feel hopeless that I will just die being obese, and then I will be stuck with heart disease and high blood pressure and diabetes ( I don't have.. yet) and I'll die at 60.
I'm going to sit in on a crossfit class before I sign up to make sure I'm not getting in over my head. It's more expensive than a regular gym, but I won't have people filming me or posting my fat as on tiktok for likes and attention. That's why I went to the private rooms at the gym when I did go before covid. I just felt so self-conscious thinking everyone was watching me.
When I went to the crossfit place though, there was this one girl working out that was a little heavier than me. I could see though that she had lost some weight as I saw some sagging skin. She was doing that thing where you jump onto a box. It really motivated me to want to join. I'm going to sit in on a class first though to make sure I'm not getting in over my head.
Here's to health and not excessive fasting resulting in a binge-purge cycle. No more laxatives. I'm still going to consider skipping breakfast and substituting a black iced coffee. ☕️ I didn't buy any raisin bread this week but I have plenty of protein wraps, lettuce, and tofurky.
I hope I can stick with it this time. 🤞
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