#padawan's pride

[prettyflygxy]

they make me sick

[kingofattolia]

I KNEW IT.

[star-light-artist]

Spoilery book review of Padawan's Pride ahead!

It's funny how both Obi-Wan and Maul are obsessing over each other. I had no idea Obi-Wan had been trying to track Maul down after The Phantom Menace.

"He fiddled with that beard of his. The one Anakin had insisted Obi-Wan not grow. It made him look too more like a father than a brother. Not that Anakin thought he needed either, and Anakin despied it."

Wow, wow, wow! That quote gives so much depth. Anakin thought beardless padawan Obi-Wan felt and looked like a brother to him. 😭 That's how he looked when the plan was for Obi-Wan to be his padawan brother. His grew the beard after he had to step up and be Anakin's father/master.

Anakin hated having Obi-Wan as a father at first. He wanted a brother. But after trying too hard to be a stern master/father, Obi-Wan eventually is more like a brother to him as we see in the Clone Wars - around the time when Anakin really needed to see him as a father like he called him in Attack of the Clones.

12 year old Anakin disobeys by flying around in speeders. I am not surprised, lol. It's so weird seeing that fanfiction staple in a canon book.

It's interesting how the Council not only judges Anakin by his mistakes but also Obi-Wan for not training him enough to stop it. That adds an extra layer of angst in their relationship. I kind of think too much training is the problem, actually. Poor Anakin works and trains all the time, it seems, from this story. A little too similar to his life with Watto. He is only able to have fun when sneaking away from his master.

Anakin feels like he is in prison with the Jedi, and Obi-Wan's response is to remind him of how bad slavery is? Yikes. I love Obi-Wan, but that is not good parenting. Man, it's so crazy finally seeing Anakin scared of Obi-Wan. I assumed he would have been as a child with his trauma, but it's so strange to finally see canon acknowledge it.

Anakin describes shame as his least favorite emotion. And that is why he Falls. He can not acknowledge his faults over the Tusken Raiders, his mistakes, his temptation for the Dark, and more because to do so would mean he has to sit in his shame. And he hates that.

Anakin points out that the Jedi did want him, and I understand how Obi-Wan is trying to point out how his behavior confirms their doubts, but what Anakin needs is reassurance that they Jedi do want and care about him.

"Maybe I'm not meant to be a Jedi."

"Qui-Gon Jinn would disagree."

"But what about you? Does Obi-Wan Kenobi disagree?"

OHHH, MAN ALIVE!! They're interrupted before Obi-Wan can answer. Anakin wants Obi-Wan to be his brother so that Qui-Gon can be his father. But even though he claims he doesn't want Obi-Wan to be his father, he still not so secretly begs for his approval. Despite what he says, Anakin wants Obi-Wan to be a father to him. Stupid Yoda says that Obi-Wan's answer doesn't matter!! Yes, it does! It matters to Anakin!!

Lol, Obi-Wan is such an oldest child and stickler for the rules, insisting they both be punished. Anakin is the baby brother desperately trying to get away with it. Obi-Wan is very much both Anakin's brother and father in many ways. Their relationship is so complex and multilayered.

The story is called Padawan's Pride. Anakin's problem isn't pride but insecurity. If he was reassured about being wanted, then he wouldn't feel so much pride over being needed.

Anakin turns into such a naughty little brother whenever Obi-Wan says anything, lol.

They asked Anakin to win a podrace?! They forget his trauma except when they need something?! They are acting just like his last master!! He once broke both of his legs, podracing. That's absolutely insane they ordered a 12 year old to enter an illegal race. I love the Jedi in some books, but hardly at all in this book.

Anakin was happy and smug when Obi-Wan said he had a bad feeling, lol. That's the story of their lives.

Someone tells Obi-Wan he should be proud of Anakin. 😭 Oh, how he was. Too much and too little all at once.

Oh, man, alive! Anakin wants to be a famous podracer, not for pride like all the Jedi think, but because he hopes the story will reach his mom. 😭😭 The Jedi misunderstood every vulnerability of Anakin's as a flaw.

Obi-Wan doesn't know how to open up, but when he does, Anakin wishes he would go back to being droid-like and emotionless. If only he would listen to Obi-Wan when he does open up, then he might better understand Obi-Wan's feelings and realize that Obi-Wan does love him even if he's too emotionally repressed to show it. It's interesting that Anakin loves droids cause he doesn't have to be afraid of or guess their feelings, yet the Jedi are too emotionally distant for him. Both Obi-Wan and Anakin are both too emotionally repressed to ever get anything important out, ugh .

It's canon that Obi-Wan hardly ever talks of Qui-Gon to Anakin. Interesting. Another fanon staple confirmed.

Obi-Wan doesn't hang out with Anakin enough, I guess from his apology. Interesting. I would've thought they'd hang out all the time, but I guess his nonstop research on Maul got in the way.

OH, MAN, ALIVE!! His undercover outfit has a ventilation system that sounds like the Vader mask!!! The FORESHADOWING!! Obi-Wan is right there seeing Anakin look like that. If only he knew his little padawan would soon enough be living like that for the rest of his life.

Lol, Anakin is undercover as Obi-Wan's boss, and he loves it. So little in his life ever lets him feel in control. He never gets control of his life, really until the last 5 minutes.

Anakin is so much happier here in a place of crime than he is with the Jedi. Him feeling more at home in places like Tatooine is so sad. The Jedi could never feel like home to him. Until Obi-Wan welcomes him home after Anakin's death.

Anakin almost had his life always like this - perhaps sold to another podracing place off of Tatooine.

"Your [undercover character's] father wouldn't have it any other way." And neither would Obi-Wan. He's such a dad to him. 😭

Qui-Gon worked with the Hutts?! And ignored Obi-Wan's issues with it. Interesting. I know Qui-Gon broke the rules a lot, but that seems kind of out of character for him.

Anakin being annoyed and relieved that Obi-Wan is there to help him sums up so much of their issues. Anakin needs Obi-Wan, but he doesn't want to need him, making a whole nother layer of issues.

It's sad how Obi-Wan has to take his padawan somewhere he spent his own childhood planning to never take his future padawan.

Anakin's Vader-esque suit makes him feel powerful like he can control and intimidate... yeah, no foreshadowing there, lol.

"All I can do is try. And I'll never stop trying."

"And all I can do is ask. And I'll never stop asking."

That is their lives right there! Obi-Wan never stops asking Vader to see Anakin, and Anakin never stops trying to be free of Vader. Until finally succeeds on his dying day.

[prettyflygxy]

anakin: im so depressed... i have no friends... master I CAN FEEL YOUR BEARD

obi-wan [in the shadows]: 👁👁

[kingofattolia]

Obi-Wan. girl. what does this mean.

[kingofattolia]

Obi-Wan as seen by 12-year-old Anakin:

emotionless and unflappable

NEEDS TO BE emotionless and unflappable PLEASE

polite, understated

has never even see a marijuana

[kingofattolia]

ALSO we need to talk about how in "Padawan's Pride" Anakin's undercover disguise requires him to wear a mask and the narrative will NOT shut up about how much he hates it. It's hard to breathe, hot & sweaty, heavy, awkward, isolating because he can't even share a meal with anyone else, etc etc etc. They knew what they were doing.

[prettyflygxy]

anakin: the sun on coruscant looks lonely

also anakin: obi-wan's glare sure stings like the sun