It shouldn't feel like such a monumental moment to wish this game something as simple and customary as a happy anniversary, but it's hard for me to put into words just how profoundly and intensely this game impacted me a year ago, and how much it still does to this day. I'm so truly grateful and excited and somewhat shocked it not only affected me to the extent that it has, but also managed to stick with me all this time. I'm confident it will continue to remain both a unique muse and a peculiar comfort to me for the foreseeable future, as it has been for the past year, and again I'm just so truly grateful to this masterpiece of an experience!
Clair Obscur Expedition 33 is a game that wears its influences on its sleeve, doesn't shy away from praising and admiring those same inspirations, all while creating a world and a narrative that knocks the wind out of me every time I think about it. I remember how surprising and bittersweet every reveal seemed to me as I watched and discovered and explored, one after another, not to mention what I still feel to be the incredibly bold move of having 2/3 of their actual game and narrative pivot to focus on an entirely different plot and character that restructures and re-contextualizes the entire game that wasn't even properly hinted at in the trailers. This game believes in its story, in its characters, in its world, in the very validity of its own existence, and it managed to get me to do the same and keep crying and getting invested even when I didn't fully expect to.
It went so far as to secure me a new f/o who will be moving up to the husband tier as of today, the ever dashing and directly obstructive and combative and just deceptive Verso lol. I know I didn't fall for him on the actual release day considering the nature of the game and how it unfolds and who I watched play it at the time—I haven't had a chance to play the game firsthand myself, but that's a whole other element of just how much this game has impacted me and how it's sure to have a lasting and significant impact in my life. And also I don't mind making today the anniversary for myself because it's easier lol. But I turned 31 earlier this month and although I'll be honest I really didn't have significant plans to continue existing past 30 just due to the nature of my life at the point I've been at, I'm still here for better or worse and my f/os and cats have been quite adamant about keeping me around. Not to mention the downright visceral themes of loss and grief and finding a way to live the life you want even if it isn't the most authentic, but it's the best you can do, it's the only place you can find happiness, and sometimes that happiness just has to be enough that this game showcases and instills from several perspectives…I won't go too much more into it all here, but Verso needed to live. Deserved to live. Should have lived.
He wants me to live, as so many of my other f/os do, and I suppose that's as good a reason as any to keep drawing breath.
But I'd also like to actually get a chance to share and explore our relationship, like I've missed out on and given up on in some ways after all this time. I still have so much love and go on so many adventures, some with Verso, and I'll find a way to get back to that part of me. That includes finding a way to fund and launch my streaming career as Nova, exploring some of the universes that I coexist in that give me so much joy and keep me clinging to life. Expedition 33 is definitely one of those titles and worlds, and I think it would be just the greatest thing if I could end up streaming it on my 33rd birthday, to really drive home the themes and also just as a general celebration, since I haven't had one of those in years either. I have about 2 years from now to make it happen, and it's becoming increasingly clear to me that streaming is one of the only viable options to make a living in my current circumstances, and I know I can make it happen.
All that is to say, aside from the venting and whining and despair, I love Expedition 33 so much. Maelle's story, Gustave's story, Verso's story changed my life undeniably, shook me to my core, I still cry when I watch the initial Gommage scene and Verso's desperate desperate pleas regardless of the ending you go with and Maelle's genuine and overwhelming sense of isolation and confusion and loss. His music and his dedication to his family and his love for his siblings are all so genuine and beautiful, her art and passion and creativity and willingness to try are all so wonderful and magical. Such real and sincere and varied portrayals of the kinds of struggles and emotions and demons that I've certainly encountered in the past, that I encounter even now, and am still finding strength to fight just as these characters showed me through their own personal trials and tribulations, there was no way this game wasn't going to stick with me, it was made for me at a time when I really needed these messages, and hopefully it will still be here for me well into the future.
I love Expedition 33. I love Verso, and I love all the characters that work to bring his story together, to life, that managed to bring it to me! I want to continue being part of this story, and I'm confident I will for many years to come. I'm excited to see what the studio does next, I'm excited to explore the ideas its stirred in me, and I'm excited to continue sharing this world with anyone who will listen to me should they find the time and interest, and if not I'll just have to keep screaming my love into the void.
If nothing else, Verso hears it. And he smiles and offers me his hand, and a gentle kiss on the cheek, and I truly feel at home.
That's also what this game has come to mean to me over the past year. Thank you, Verso Dessendre. And thank you Clair Obscur Expedition 33, for those who come after!!!
This week's moodboard theme is COMPS. If you're a fan of Fromsoft, but specifically the painted worlds of Dark Souls and the religious horror aspects of Bloodborne, you're in for a treat
THE CRADLE OF ETERNAL NIGHT is a sapphic horror romantasy about a bard and a witch on a quest to bring the sun back to their lightless world
