Hi dear, I really just want to say that I am so thankful for the posts you make about your toxic, dickhead family. I only recently left my own family, and so many people have told me I should just call because, "She's your mother. She loves you." And they hold to their ideology, despite anything and everything I tell them about what she's done/ how she's treated me. I've been told to just "suck it up" or "bite the bullet" and go back. I've been told how much she cries herself to sleep >Next
2: I've been told how much she cries herself to sleep. It's been impressed on me 6 ways to Sunday, that because she's my mother, and by default is- I suppose- an ever-loving, patient, and kind demi-goddess of a woman. So seeing you talk about how your family treats you, and how you respond- it validates a lot for me. And in some moments, it has even helped me keep myself safe from people who never apologized for that night, and continue to blame me for how hard I'm making things for them (and mom)
I’m sorry your struggles have been so minimized and invalidated by other people. I don’t know your story, but just hearing that you left is enough to know that you shouldn’t return unless it’s on your terms and you’re ready.
I heard a lot of similar things from my family when I moved out. For a lot of those people, I think they just can’t fathom such a strained relationship with their own mothers. Or, they consider their own familial squabbles (because “everyone fights with their family, right?”) and think your situation must be like whatever they’ve been through, no matter how many times you explain it to them. Because people tend to be egocentric and project things like that. And for them, the idea of “She’s your mother, she loves you” probably did get them through some conflicts.
But it’s not like that for everyone. A mother can love you and also cause you serious harm. And it’s up to you how to handle that--no one else knows the full extent of your story except you. Anyone else who thinks they know better can kindly fuck off.
--a blurry person
