Short Imagined Monologue- Pat Pallitto
High school history teacher only teaches conspiracy theories
What have you learned about in history over your careers in academia? The Declaration of Independence? A secret document only viewable with special glasses designed by Ben Franklin. The Louisiana Purchase? A government mission to acquire a secret ancient Native American treasure. John F. Kennedy’s death? I still haven’t been able to conclude whether that was a CIA operation or a hit by the mafia, but I am currently engrossed in research on the subject and I will inform you of any breakthroughs. But I can say with conviction that 9/11 was most certainly all part of the U.S. Governments plan to control the worlds dwindling oil supply. I’m sure you all watched the Super Bowl the other night, correct? Well if you think that it’s merely a game of chance, be glad you’re in this class. The Super Bowl is a predetermined sporting event, like every other, designed to subliminally drive consumerism in its viewers.
You see, ladies and gentlemen most of your teachers are simple pawns. Pawns of the organizations that want you to drink their kool-aid. But, lucky for you, I am not one of those pawns. I am a warrior for the truth and after taking this class, you should be too. Ladies and gentlemen forget all those “facts” and fairy tales you’ve been told to believe over the years, those are nothing more than carefully crafted lies.
What’s that? Conspiracy theories are bullshit? Ha! The mere fact that you refer to these truths as theories shows your complete ineptitude and lack of understanding. I bet you still believe that we landed on the moon! The hilarity of that thought kills me. Are you aware, young man, that in the photograph from the so-called “lunar landing” the American flag is ruffled as if it were waving? If you have even the most basic understanding of astrophysics and astronomy, which it so happens that I do, you would be aware of the lack of wind currents in the solar system would make such a phenomenon, in fact, impossible. But don’t worry young man, while you are simply a victim of a criminal system
Sure, as we can see, some of you may think I’m crazy, but that is probably due to the fact that you actually consume the same tap-water that highly dubious agencies pump fluoride into, and the neurons in your brain are most likely being melted little by little every day. I will tell you right now, stop believing what you are told. I did. My mind is now completely open and I know the truth about events such as the landing of the first alien life forms. If you want a perfect example of the docile acceptance of the countless fabricated lies we’ve been fed over the years, go ask your English professors if Bill Shakespeare wrote all of those plays. To think that one man wrote all of those is ludicrous! There was a minimum of three, maybe even four writers adopting the Shakespeare name. This is a perfect example of how society just perpetuates these lies. Now class, if you would all kindly remove your text books from your backpacks and place them in the waste receptacle, we may begin learning about one of oldest and most well hidden societies in existence, one responsible for insanely important historical events of the past millennia and with members ranging from popes to presidents, the Illuminati.