#panda blabber

[pforpandamonium]

I know I haven’t written here properly in a long time. Sorry.

This week I separated with the girl I was seeing and this morning I lost a dear friend of mine. @anightvaleintern was such a driving force of positivity in my life and her death has shaken me to the core. I wish I had told her how she’s inspired me over the years, and how big of a part she’s played in me believing in myself and becoming comfortable in my own skin. She was so unapologetically herself and I’m so priveleged to have had the chance to know her. I hope wherever she is, it’s better than this shitshow of a planet. Give em hell, Maggie.

In conclusion, I’m taking a hiatus. I need a mental reset, so I’m gonna cut some social media stuff. I'll be back in few weeks.

Wishing you all the best, G

[pforpandamonium]

Running into a fic author from like 10 fandoms and 5 years ago feels like running into an old friend

Shoutout to @pitviperofdoom. Originally found her stuff during the RT hybrid AU craze. Now I've hopped the My Hero Acedemia bandwagon to find a small library of their fic to read :')

[pforpandamonium]

i’m so tired of being sad.

i’m tired of being hurt and rejected and feeling like I’m not enough or i’m not worth it.  

I’m so scared of how I feel. how is it going to get me hurt. how am I gonna fuck this up too. 

i hate that i still have feelings for them all. i’m so stupid. i should know better. 

[pforpandamonium]

i’m just so tired

and lonely

i feel like my anxiety is going to tear me apart and i hate it

i keep going in circles about so many things and i’m exhausted because i can’t DO anything about them

and i feel like no one wants to listen to my bullshit anymore. like, shut up panda, we know you have anxiety. fuck off, you’re fine. 

but talking helps and i don’t know where to turn

i’m so scared that i’m just going to keep self destructing. i’ve already ruined one good thing in my life this year and i want so badly to fix it but in the end i’m still my fucking anxious self and nothing is going to change. 

i just want everything to be okay again. 

[pforpandamonium]

Got tagged by hasturly almost three weeks ago and didn’t see because I’ve become bad at the tumblr. Anyways, I’m spelling my name in songs! Here we go!

G - Gold by Imagine Dragons

L - Love and Affection by Neon Trees

E - Evil in the Night by Adam Lambert

N - Níl Sé'n Lá by Celtic Woman

D - Don’t by Ed Sheeran

A - Another National Anthem from Sondheim’s “Assassins”

[pforpandamonium]

what if i finally made an nsfw fandom blog tho.

because i definitely can’t reblog porn here. too many wee babbies following me <3 but sometimes i see something really hot and i’m just like HOT DAMN and I want to reblog it. HMM. MAYBE I WILL. 

[pforpandamonium]

hello my name is Panda and i’m emoTIONALLY COMPROMISED BY DAN HOWELL’S HAIR

[pforpandamonium]

Happy Easter everyone! I’m going to spend it at work, at D&D, and crying over Phil Lester. <3