Tales of WID 72 #17 What’s in a Name?
Green Man looked around the mess hall and saw a table with a few of his fellow fighter pilots: Cheddar Cheese, Pandaherbs, and Dino Chick. After grabbing his food he went and sat down with them. Cheddar Cheese and Pandaherbs were playing a game of Scrabble, and looked up as he sat down, while Dino Chick was reading her computer pad, and did not look away from it. “How goes the game?” Green Man asked. “We’ve just started, so it’s too early to tell,” Pandaherbs said. “But this is going to help me out,” Cheddar Cheese said as he placed the word ‘cheddar’ on the board. “Double word score, and a double letter score on the H.” “Playing your own callsign, or at least a part of it,” Green Man said. “Nice play.” “Does that mean I have to play ‘panda’?” Pandaherbs asked as she looked at her tiles. “Because I don’t think that’s happening anytime soon.” “How’d you get that callsign anyway?” Green Man asked. “There’s gotta be a story behind Pandaherbs.” “It’s not that interesting,” Pandaherbs said. “Come on,” Cheddar Cheese said. “There’s got to be something.” “Well, how’d you get your’s?” Pandaherbs asked. “Well, you remember how I was one of the test pilots for the Falcon-class space fighters?” Cheddar Cheese asked. Green Man rolled is his eyes. “No, you’ve never bragged about that dozens of times.” “I mean, it was an honor to be picked for that, but…do either of you have any experience with them?” Cheddar Cheese asked. “I got my start on the Eagle-class before switching to the Hawk-class,” Pandaherbs. “I kind of miss the extra firepower, and I can’t imagine how bad the Falcon-class would be.” “I’ve been on the Hawk-class my whole career,” Green Man said. “Okay, well, the prototype versions of the Falcon-class had a problem with the environmental systems,” Cheddar Cheese said. “Nothing disastrous, but after my first test flight, the cockpit smelled like cheese, really strongly so, and the flight crew started joking about that, and the name kind of stuck.” “That’s hilarious,” Green Man said. “Come on Pandaherbs, your story can’t be that bad.” “What about your story?” Pandaherbs asked. “I mean, my story is about as boring as Dino Chick’s,” Green Man said. “Hmm?” Dino Chick asked as she looked up from her computer pad. “Did I hear my name?” “Whatcha reading about?” Green Man asked. “A new study suggesting that dinosaurs may have been a bit fuzzier than previously thought,” Dino Chick said. “Cool, cool,” Green Man said as Dino Chick went back to her reading. “Yeah, we all know she got her name from her love of dinosaurs,” Cheddar Cheese said. “So what? You love the color green?” “I’m all about environmentally friendly solutions to problems,” Green Man said. “Come on, you guys know that right?” “Honestly no, I don’t think I did,” Cheddar Cheese said. “Me neither,” Pandaherbs said. “I don’t think it’s come up.” “Huh, I’ll have to be more vocal, I guess,” Green Man said. “But now we all know the reasons for each others’ names, except for your’s.” “Okay, it goes back to when I first joined the ESS,” Pandaherbs said. “Long before I even thought about becoming a pilot, but the nickname kind of stuck. See, there was this thief we were after, and he used marijuana for medical purposes. So I was posing as a dealer to try and find him, and I’m waiting at the meeting point, only he doesn’t show.” “Okay, then what happened?” Cheddar Cheese asked. “Okay, and I’m not bullshitting you on this, I waited an extra twenty minutes, when I heard someone coming up behind me, so I turned around, and there’s a panda there.” “No, come on, that’s not true,” Green Man said. “I swear it’s the truth,” Pandaherbs said. “The agent training me kept making jokes about me trying to sell drugs to that panda for years afterward, and eventually it became a nickname.” “Where did the panda even come from?” Cheddar Cheese asked. “Was this in China?” “No, apparently the panda had escaped from a zoo,” Pandaherbs said. “It showing up was just a coincidence.” “Come on, I don’t believe that,” Green Man said. “Believe what you want,” Pandaherbs said. “But that’s what happened.”