I watch the way it runs down my fingers, across the palm of my hand, slowly dripping down my arm, my elbow, until it falls from my skin and pools slowly on the ground.
Today is warm, very warm, almost like the warmth of home. Fir is coughing, always coughing. It's annoying; distracting. Doesn't she know I just want to watch the blood? Feel it. Hear it. Smell it. Taste it.
It's warm too.
What are you up to, Scout? Makya's voice is rough and intruding to my private thoughts but I scoot aside to make room for his larger frame as he sits down beside me. I shake my head in response, I'm not up to anything. Mistral too busy to talk to you? He grins as I look up at him. Mistral. I had hardly thought about him but now I find my mind--and my gaze--wandering in his direction. He's talking to Null. Seems pretty interested in talking to her, huh?
I nod to him and look at the blood once more. Do that to yourself? I nod. You know, Sai.... Can I call you that? I nod again. I can see that he's beginning to lose his mind. Your friend. He's not as strong as you and me. He can't handle all the death and the pain. He hasn't killed anyone yet, has he? My head shakes slowly as I bite onto my lip. What is Makya trying to say?
But you... you've killed. You enjoy killing. You can protect yourself. But you can't protect him. My gaze is back on Makya, he must see the concern in it, the confusion. The anger. Calm down, shortstack. I won't lay a hand on him, I remember your threat. But the Games. They're pulling him apart, breaking him into pieces. He's shattering right in front of us. As I look back at Mistral, something happens. Screams and cries, a scuffle. Makya eggs on Laeta as an unknown Tribute walks into our group.
I bite my lip harder and harder still as the Tribute boy screams and begs and writhes. Chokes on blood as he screams still. I begin to laugh and grin, the boy's screams are pleasing. But soon it's over, too soon. I frown. And watch as Mistral walks away from the group and sits back down. Makya resumes talking shortly after. You see? Mistral won't last much longer, there are only so many of us left....
What should I do? What should I do? I don't want him to hurt. I don't want him to fall apart. I have to protect him.
I can't. You will. He's my friend. Someone else will break him if you don't save him. I have to save him. You can. By killing him? Yes. You're sure? Positive. When? Soon.
A cannon goes off the next morning, waking us. Some time later in the day, another cannon. It's raining again and the air is chilly. Null tells us that there are only two Tributes remaining besides us, due to the amount of cannon fire. Makya keeps me by his side all day, even as everyone talks about the plan of action. The rest of today and tomorrow we are to head for the water source we previously found. Null promises she knows the right direction to head. I will scout and we will be there, hopefully, within another days' worth of time.
As we walk, slowly because Fir has gotten even worse, night falls suddenly. And there are faces in the sky for us to see. A girl from District 11 and the girl, Anthony, from District 12. It's decided that we will take a break to get some rest and continue on when the sun has returned. Makya makes me sleep near him.
I haven't spoken to Mistral in two days.
And soon, I will have to kill him.