Warnings: description of racing thoughts (and self deprivation) during a panic attack (you gave me angst and I am very sorry... but I had this idea for weeks)
“But it’s my fault right?”
The city was in shambles after what happened with the White Bone Spirit, but it was slowly being rebuilt. It was rebuilt once before and it could be rebuilt again.
That’s what MK told himself as his thoughts drifted from the sparring match he was currently engaged in, and that’s the last thing he thought before a powerful kick from the Monkey King landed smack dab in his stomach and send him careening into a tree. He broke the tree in half and landed in the side of the mountain, groaning and kicking himself for letting his mind distract him again. The third time this match, damn it, he had to do better! He needed to BE better!
“OK, bud, I think we need to call it a day,” Wukong said as he landed in front of him, reaching out to grab him by the shoulders and yank him from his new rock home. “It doesn’t look like you-”
“NO!” MK startled himself with his yell, watching as Wukong’s eyes widened in surprise before he narrowed his gaze in suspicion and confusion. “No, no I can train!” Shit, Wukong did say he was loud instead of confident all those months ago didn’t he? Was he just loud again? “I have to train, Monkey King, I have to just give me another chance please I can do better-!”
He was still just loud, he could feel how loud he was being and knew his mentor could tell. He could feel his heart beating in his ears and his head felt light and he needed to be stronger stronger faster and there was ice in his chest and his ears were ringing and the city was in shambles and it was his fault and he was breathing breathing breathing and the city was in shambles and it was his fault and he couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t breathe there was blue everywhere and it was his fault he needed training after Macaque and he left it was his fault HE LEFT HIS FAULTTHECITYWASINSH-
“MK!” His eyes snapped open (when had he closed them?) and he came to the sudden realization that he was on the ground. Kneeling in the dirt with his head on Monkey King’s shoulder. His cape was gone (was that what he felt over his back?). His chest hurt, breathing wheezy and tight. “MK, you’re ok, you need to breathe with me. Breathe in and out like this, ok?”
Wukong breathed in slowly, held his breath, then breathed out slowly. Off beat rhythm repeated until MK followed suit. They sat there breathing for... well, Mk didn’t know how long. The light was different, time had passed, and his chest and head ached. He realized he had started crying at some point and that his hands were shaking and tingly and one of his wrists had a monkey tail wrapped around it.
“You’re ok, MK,” Wukong soothed softly, bringing up his hand to ruffle his hair gentler than the Monkie Kid could ever remember. “You’re ok. We’re going to go inside and eat something and not do anything else for a bit.”
“But it’s my fault right?” MK said shakily, voice hoarse and painful to hear. Was it from crying or did he scream earlier? “It’s my fault..”
“No,” Wukong rebutted, firmly but gently. “No, whatever it is, and I know this isn’t because of training today, it wasn’t your fault. No.” Shaking his head he picked up MK (was he always this careful with him?) and began to carry him to the small house that replaced his old palace. “We can talk about this in a bit. Right now just breathe for me. Then eat. Then we’ll go from there.”
I am sorry for your loss. I feel the same way about my toxic abusive father... anyways, could I request angst/fluffy Nick? Maybe, reader has anxiety and Nick comes home after a bad day at work, she tries to comfort him but he’s got a lot o& build up anger and explode at her for no reason. She has an anxiety attack due to his behavior towards her and locks herself in the guest room in tears. He realize what he’s done & tries to apologize. Thank you!
Anxiety
A/N: Hey Anon <3 I’ve, uh, never had an anxiety attack before, only a panic attack.... I assume it’s the same but lessened? Sorry if I didn’t depict it correctly, I tried! I also tried to make the distinction of anxiety attack because reader is worried not because Nick yelled. I hope you still enjoy!
You were in the kitchen, just taking out ingredients for dinner when you got a text from Nick, saying he was going to be coming home late. Sighing, you put everything back; you were originally making dinner for him. He was working a tough case, and you knew in times like this, he neglected to eat good food, or eat at all. But as the hours ticked by with no word from him, you started to worry; he always kept you updated when he was working late. What if something bad had happened? He wasn’t in the hospital—you were first on his contact list, you’d know if he was there—but in his line of work, a hundred other things could’ve happened. What if he was taken hostage? Being tortured? Dead?
You tried to push the thoughts from your mind, going back to the kitchen to make dinner, even if it was late and you had no idea when…if…Nick was coming home tonight. But you needed to do something, anything, to keep your hands, your mind busy. So, you chopped vegetables, cut up a chicken breast, and made a simple stir fry, trying to keep your hands from shaking. You had just turned the stove off when you heard keys in the front door. Letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, you rushed out of the kitchen and towards the foyer.
Nick looked…upset, tired as he dragged himself through the door, slamming it behind him. You hesitated at the sound before continuing towards him. You hugged him, but he didn’t return it.
“How was work?” you asked cautiously. Obviously, it was bad. But it was such a habit to ask. Plus, you had a way of calming him down after bad days. Normally.
Nick’s eyes were narrowed as he ripped his coat from his shoulders. “How the fuck do you think it was?”
“That bad, huh?” your voice wavered slightly, and you decided to try and change subjects. “I made some stir fry, if you—”
“Not hungry,” Nick all but grunted, pushing past you. He loosened his tie, throwing it onto the back of the couch. He started pacing the living room, too energized to sit still, his hand running through his hair. You hated seeing him like this, your heart in your throat, hands shaking slightly.
Softly, you asked, “what happened, baby? I…I was worried when I didn’t hear from you—”
“You don’t get it, do you? I can’t always be texting you! Sometimes, shit happens, and I’m fucking busy, okay?” His outburst made you shrink back, but he continued, his voice raising, “I was on a stakeout, and the guy gave us the slip. And then, by the time we found him again, he had already raped and murdered another escort!” His voice dropped as he said, “she was just a fucking kid.”
Tears were in your eyes. You could feel yourself shaking, your breath coming in short gasps. “I-I’m sorry, Nick—” you weren’t even sure what you were apologizing for, but it didn’t matter as Nick cut you off, his voice back to yelling.
“So, yeah, I’ve had a bad fucking day. And I really just don’t want to think about it right now!”
Unable to stop the pathetic little gasping sound you made as tears ran down your cheeks, you all but ran from the room, ducking into the first room you came across, locking the door behind you. You vaguely noticed it was your guest room—usually reserved for Nick’s mother when she visited—as you sat on the bed, pulling your knees to your chest as you shook, crying silently. Your breathing was shallow, your mind frazzled; you weren’t even 100% sure why you were crying in the first place. Nick had yelled at you before after a hard day at work, but you’ve never reacted like this before. It only seemed to happen when you were worried about him.
You were in there for what seemed like forever, silently crying into your shirt before you heard a soft knock, Nick’s voice low through the door. “Hey, babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Can you let me in?”
You couldn’t force yourself off the bed, even though all you wanted was for him to hold you, to reassure you that he was alright. A violent wave of tremors shook through your body, and you curled tighter in on yourself. You heard his footsteps retreat from the door, and you called out his name, but your voice was so soft, you barely heard it yourself.
His footsteps returned shortly, and you heard a key in the door. Slowly, almost timidly, Nick opened the bedroom door, peeking his head in. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice soft. When he saw you, curled on a ball in the middle of the bed, trembling with soft sobs, he came into the room, padding over to the edge of the bed.
“Do you want me to leave?” Nick’s voice wavered slightly, tears shining in his own eyes. You shook your head, just barely, but it was enough. Nick climbed onto the bed next to you, rubbing your back soothingly. “I’m so sorry, mi amor. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You know I love you, more than anything.” He sat there with you in silence, rubbing your back, his presence comforting. Eventually, your sobs stopped, and you uncurled yourself, moving to lean against his strong body.
“I love you, too, Nick,” your voice was watery, weak. “I just…I was so worried when I didn’t hear from you. I was afraid that you might’ve…that you might be….”
Nick’s eyes filled with understanding. “I’m fine, amor. I’m here, with you. I’m safe.” He sighed. “I won’t…always be able to message you when on the job. I try my best, but when I’m busy—”
“I know, Nick…I know. I just…my brain got a little ahead of me is all,” you replied, giving him a small smile.
Nick smiled down at you, giving you a quick kiss. “Now, I seem to remember someone saying something about dinner. And it smells delicious. Shall we?”
you know what I hate most about panic attacks? when you're having one you're thinking you're gonna die, you want to die right now instead of feeling like this, you're never gonna be happy again, you can't deal with life and then a few hours later you feel fine??? like nothing happened und you're like geez why were you so dramatic lol chill
I passed out while having a panic attack today and I.. didn’t think that was possible??
One second I was hyperventilating and everything was going dark, the next I was on the floor waking up and my head really hurt. I’ve got a bit of a bump now.
I don’t know why I didn’t think it was possible, maybe my therapist told me that once or maybe I read it somewhere online? Anyway it was fucking terrifying afterwards and it made my panic attack worse. Genuinely thought I was fucking dying, but then again I think that with every panic attack I have lol Took me nearly 2 hours to calm down completely, with little breaks in between when I would calm down only to immediately panic again.
There’s like no narrative to this post I just wanted to tell someone 😂
