lavender & fred ✘ spider jokes
@lavenderism
“Damn straight Ronniekins lost his shit over that,” Fred explained, recounting the time he and George turned Ron’s teddy into a spider when the three were just boys. Lavender Brown, former girlfriend of said dearly beloved brother, had waltzed into Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, likely to escape a sudden cold front that tore through Wizarding London one cloudy Wednesday afternoon, but what did her reasoning for popping in matter? Fred had stories to tell and merchandise to sell, and he was nothing if not an entertaining businessman. “S’why the bugger can’t even hear the word spider without losing his bloody mind. Try it next time you’re ‘round him. Get a right look on your face, y’know, like this,” Fred paused to screw up his expression into that of mock horror. “Then point and go ‘ohhh a huge spider, Ron! I hate spiders!’ Then watch the magic unwind.”
Fred gave Lavender a light clap on the back and smiled brightly as he put down one from his collection of joke spiders, made in honor of his youngest brother.
“Anyway, ‘nough about that. Tell me, Lavender, whatever makes you wander into my lovely shop? Y’know, aside from the striking cold. You need anything in particular? Some joke chocolates, perchance? Maybeee some Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder? Run out’ve that real quick, but we just got a shipment in today- haven’t put it out yet, but for you, my dear...”
With a wiggle of his brows, he gave her a brilliant wink and smile. “Anything is possible.”