Para: The Sooner, The Better
LOCATION → Coffee Shop, Quinn’s apartment
TAGGING → Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry
GENERAL NOTES → Answering the harder questions and working on resolution.
RACHEL: Curse Matt and his terrible psychic powers. The hour after getting back from dropping off the kids, she received a text from Quinn, asking if she had time to talk. She would do just about anything to make sure they could salvage their friendship, but she knew it would take a lot of talking. Real talking, not whatever they did before when the two of them went out to dinner and decided they could start working on being friends again.
No, that was just brushing the tougher stuff underneath the rug so they could move on with their life. If they wanted to move on, either together or as friends, they needed to reopen old wounds and let themselves feel the guilt and the hurt that they had been harboring for years.
Rachel arrived at the coffee shop fifteen minutes early and grabbed a table in the back after ordering a latte for herself and a hot coffee with cream and vanilla for Quinn for when she arrived. It never hurt to be a little early and she thought it would be poor taste to be pacing in front of the coffee shop, looking eagerly for the blonde. The talk was ten years in the making, words that Rachel had wanted to say from the moment she left Quinn and she wasn't sure she was ready to say them. But it was time. It had to be.
QUINN: Her feet felt heavier with each step Quinn took toward the coffee shop. From the moment she had hung up the phone with Santana she knew this conversation was inevitable, needed if she and Rachel were to ever be able to move forward in a real way. Opening old wounds and really getting at the heart of the issues, her insecurities, was the only way to build anything lasting. Ten years ago, she had let herself be pushed away. A week ago she had been the one to walk away, run away really to avoid being hurt and yet spent each hour rolling around in pain of her of doing.
Quinn dreaded this conversation, the things she would hear as the most difficult questions were answered, but it was rip away the band aid now and truly forgive or decide to walk away for good. There was no middle ground, no way to compartmentalize their relationship to avoid the past hurts. Being around Rachel and the kids, she had felt more in those moments than she had allowed herself to feel in ten years and that was what made this conversation worth the inevitable pain.
She smoothed down her slacks, an upgrade from the sweatpants she had worn up to the point Rachel had agreed to meet, yanking the door open and walking inside. Emotion welled in her throat as her gaze landed on the brunette at the table in the back. She looked as if she too was worn thin from the weight of the last week, still so beautiful but lacking the light Quinn had been accustomed too over the past couple of months. Stepping to the table, she reached out a shaky hand and placed it gently on Rachel's shoulder hoping the simple gesture would ground them enough to handle this difficult conversation. "Hi."
RACHEL: She was so caught up in worrying that Quinn wouldn't arrive, that she didn't even notice that the blonde was right in front of her until her hand was on her shoulder. "Hi," she said softly, her heart aching in her chest. She hadn't prepared enough for today, but there was nothing she could do. They needed to talk about the toughest things and she knew it wouldn't be easy. The breakup would be a piece of cake compared. She pushed the cup of coffee to Quinn's side of the table, "Light cream, vanilla syrup."
Those were the only words she could think to say. How did they begin this? Did they ghost around small talk for a bit and ease their way into the tougher topics? Or did they jump right into it? Matt's words echoed in her head and she just let out a breathy chuckle amidst their awkward silence. Quinn looked rough, just like Rachel felt, despite how beautiful she appeared outwardly. Rachel could see it in her eyes and she was sure the same overwhelming emotion reflected in her own.
"I want to start off by saying I'm sorry," she said, toying with the sleeve of her coffee cup, "not for the kiss but for the way it happened. It was foolish for me to think we could just pretend that we didn't have significant history behind us."
QUINN: "Thank you." Quinn motioned to the coffee. Throwing her coat over the back of the chair, she slid into the seat and exhaled a soft sigh immediately grateful that Rachel started speaking before she had to find an opening of her own.
She opened her mouth to argue that an apology wasn't necessary, but closed it again knowing this would likely be one of many apologies, heartfelt ones, issued before the end of this conversation. "I'm sorry too, but not for the kissing either. Pushing you away like that, leaving, it wasn't entirely fair to you."
Quinn took a sip of her coffee and drummed her fingers on the table for the briefest of seconds as she contemplated what she needed to say next. Meeting Rachel's gaze, she offered a small smile before taking a deep breath and throwing herself right into the deep end. "I need you to know that these past couple of months, the premature attempt at friendship have meant so much to me. I've looked forward to seeing you each and every time we've made plans and being with you and the kids, I've felt more complete than I have in the longest time. I don't want to lose you, but we can't keep pretending the past doesn't exist for us. Not if we want something real to develop again."
RACHEL: Quinn apologized as well and Rachel knew that they both were sorry. Both of them had made an error, it wasn't just one sided. It took two to tango and they'd both chosen to ignore the deeper issues and both decided that kissing for more than just a quick peck would be a good idea. And it had been for half a second until reality kicked in.
She met a pair of hazel eyes across the table and Rachel returned Quinn's light smile as she took a sip of her coffee. "I - yeah," she nodded, glancing down at the table briefly as she took a breath, "things have felt like they're falling into place but only because we've been pretending like we don't have all of these unresolved issues. We need to just accept that this conversation isn't going to be fun, we both know that, but we need to just be adult about it and have it because I want you to be a part of my life Quinn, in any way you'll have me."
QUINN: "Isn't going to be fun?" Quinn laughed easily for the first time in a week and shook her head. "That might be an understatement."
Quinn looked down at the table wishing she had spent more time planning this. She had expected Rachel to need more time to settle the kids or something but here they were. "If I'm honest, I don't know where to start. There are so many questions and issues, beginning is a challenge. But it's probably best that we start with those before trying to define who we are or can be. Am I even making sense right now?"
Emotion rolled heavily in her stomach and she was grateful they were limited to just coffee. "If I want to start really trusting you with my heart. How do we get there?"
RACHEL: They shared a mutual laugh - no, it wasn't going to be fun and yes, it was an understatement. It was going to be quite possibly the most difficult thing she'd done and she'd given birth twice. Rachel took her time, taking a sip of her coffee as Quinn spoke. She didn't know where to start either. From the beginning? How far back? How deep were they getting? She had no idea what to expect.
"You're right," she agreed as Quinn said she had plenty of questions. Rachel intended on answering them with as much honesty as she could. It wasn't about sparing feelings or gaining a friendship - it was about getting over the past no matter what. That was the only way they were going to be able to move forward.
"I don't know how we get there and I don't know where to start. I wish I could have some sort of foolproof way to earn your trust, I really do. I...you have no idea how much I regret what happened between us. How it ended, why it ended, that it ended. I know the words mean nothing, but I'm more than willing to answer any questions you have. I want us to figure out how to move past what happened, together."
QUINN: Clasping her hands together on top of the table, Quinn stared at them unsure of what to do next. This part of the conversation had been had. Rachel had expressed regret at that initial dinner and it wasn't as if Quinn didn't believe the sincerity of the words. It was because of that dinner and that apology that Quinn had willingly let herself fall into the easy patterns she had, but obviously that wasn't going to be enough.
Suddenly overwhelmed, the weight of the last week still so heavy on her shoulders, Quinn felt the potential for tears to start flowing. It wasn't surprising really. She had cried for hours until she had worked up the courage to call Santana and even after the tears would come on unabated and without warning. Holding up a single hand she stood up deciding she needed a minute to collect herself. "Let me get water and some pastries. Be right back."
Away from the table, she drew in a deep breath and willed the knot of emotion in her throat to recede. Ordering a large bottled water and an assortment of things they would both probably push around on the plate rather than eat, Quinn tucked two glasses under her arm and carried them as carefully as possible back to the table.
"I believe you. I do. I know you regret the circumstances of it ending. If I didn't, there is no way we would have continued to get closer these past couple of months." Quinn poured a couple of glasses of water, sipping slowly, until she felt a little more in control of herself. "For months after you broke it off, I spent night and day on Santana's sofa with her forcing me to eat, waiting for you to come back and say you made a mistake, to say some of the words you are saying now. But you didn't come back, you didn't reach out and Santana decided 3 months of that mess was enough. She kicked my ass, forced me to start putting myself back together. The graduate school catalogs should have been my first clue that she was sick of me."
With an uneasy, humorless laugh, Quinn sipped at her coffee alternating between it and the water. "I blamed you, and I blamed Matt and it's obviously pretty deep seated. I know I'll need more details than before but I don't know what to do with them. We were supposed to have a family, Rachel. We talked about, day dreamed over, reading to the baby, 3 am feedings, raising them together but that's not the way it happened."
Looking up, she met Rachel's gaze for the first time since she started the word vomit. "As much as that realization stings, we can't change the past. Had we stayed together, I would probably be working as an editor of text books instead of teaching and doing something I love to do. I needed the push to be something other than Rachel Berry's supportive plus one. We would have found a way to have a family, but those two kids you have are perfect. I adore them and have missed talking to them this week." Quinn rolled her lip between her teeth, running out of steam on her stream of consciousness outpouring. "You better take over or I'll keep babbling and I don't think I'm making sense anymore."
RACHEL: Quinn left the table to grab some water and pastries and Rachel was left with her own thoughts. How did she even start this conversation? She'd broken Quinn's heart once and it was the hardest thing she'd ever done. The last thing she wanted to do was relive those days and the pain and the foolishness, but they had to. If she wanted to salvage their friendship or to start to explore the potential for a relationship then they needed to finish breaking each others hearts so they could heal. They'd never gotten any closure. Just Rachel walking away with a shitty explanation and no need for conversation afterwards.
Quinn returned and Rachel stayed silent. The ball needed to be in Quinn's court. She needed to guide the conversation first and Rachel would happily follow along. The tears stung her eyes as Quinn spoke about the months following their breakup. She'd heard from Santana, run into her in the city and nearly gotten herself killed by the girl who ran at her with a Starbucks cup and yelled about how ridiculous she was and how stupid it was to let Quinn go and to break her heart so carelessly. But what she didn't know was just how deep it was. Months on Santana's couch?
They were supposed to have a family. They'd picked out names for their children and discussed who would carry them, would they adopt, how they would discipline...they'd talked about it all - about how a wedding was in their near future and how happy they'd be. The lump in her throat was growing and she swallowed it back as Quinn finished speaking. "I regret everything," she said with a humorless chuckle, "aside from the decisions that I made that gave me Grace and Eli, of course." She cleared her throat, glancing down at the table as she fidgeted with her fingers before meeting Quinn's eyes. She needed to look into Quinn's eyes. "I was young and I was foolish and I was buying into what they were feeding me. I believed my management when they said that if you and I stayed together that I never would've had a career after my first musical. It was so scary, Quinn, to have a taste of something I'd worked my entire life for and being told that was it and being given an opportunity to change it."
She sighed, "I know it sounds ridiculous now, trust me. I've spent many a night trying to rationalize with myself that you and I weren't meant to be together and that Matt was the perfect leading man who understood that I had to put my career first. But no matter how I word it, it makes me sound shallow and stupid and that's exactly what I was." She shook her head, "I broke your heart and it killed me, Quinn. Every single day I hoped that I would run into you, so I could apologize and try and make things right. But I couldn't bring myself to go to you. I couldn't bring myself to throw away my career and by the time I realized that it wasn't an ultimatum, that I could still be successful and be happy...it was far too late."
QUINN: Holding Rachel's gaze, seeing the pain and guilt swirling in her eyes was just this side of too much. She wanted put her hand on Rachel's and tell her everything was alright but she couldn't brush this away simply to make things easier. Nothing about the situation had been close to alright. Quinn's heart had been shattered in a million pieces, the one person in her life who she thought would be in her corner forever had ripped the rug from under their feet and left her floundering with her trust in tatters.
"Too late because you were married with two kids, yes? You chose to be with him and stay with him. Explain it to me. Please." Quinn felt her eyes sting with unshed tears but she refused to look away. "I don't know what I would have done if I had run into you after that. Some days, I used to think I was vindictive enough that I would have screamed at you and been a total bitch. But I other days it felt like I would forgive you anything if you came back to me. I was young and dumb enough to believe it could have been that easy. Where we are now, talking like this after my insecure and childish dash out of your apartment, that just proves even then it wouldn't have been alright."
With a muttered fuck it, Quinn reached over and took Rachel's hand in hers needing some sort of security as they continued to talk. God. The next question on her lips was scarier than almost anything she could think of, but she had to ask. "What changed? Why .... why did you break up with him? And ... why did you call me?"
RACHEL: Rachel wished she had an easy answer for things. She had chosen Matt. He was easy, he understood her need to put her career first. But so had Quinn. She'd been the most supportive person in her life, had walked her to countless auditions, and had been her number one support system. But her agent was persistent and persuasive and Rachel was an impressionable young actress with wide eyes and big dreams. She let out a soft sigh, shaking her head. “The relationship Matt and I pretended to have just kept going long after you and I broke up. He was dating other people behind the scenes and I was still heartbroken and it was so difficult to pretend that he and I were in love. Slowly, over a year or so we realized that we weren’t pretending anymore. We were spending every day together, on and off stage, and eventually we decided to see what it would be like if he and I stayed together. By that point I knew there was no chance between you and I, I had messed up far too much to even think about calling you. Things with him were just…it was easy.”
Rachel took another sip of her coffee, looking across the table at Quinn. “He and I were best friends for a long time and it was beneficial for our careers to be together and he understood what sacrifices I had made for my career.” She bit down on her bottom lip, reigning in her thoughts for a moment before continuing. “He and I were happy for a long time. We were caught up in our success and accepting that we were alright with one another. I guess we’d been playing the roles so well that we started living the part. The two stars with the perfect family was supposed to be the dream and I know any girl would’ve killed to be in my shoes,” she said with a small smile, “but we both knew it was a sham. The two of us knew that we were just fooling ourselves. I wasn’t the person he deserved and he knew better than to think that I was happy with him. It was rough for a while. We wouldn’t speak, we let the hostility of who we weren’t take over who we were."
Rachel shook her head with a humorless laugh, "It...it was the best thing for our family and for our kids to acknowledge that we never were that happy couple, madly in love."
QUINN: There was no pretending hearing this didn't hurt her. Quinn felt each word in the pit of her stomach almost making her nauseous. She wanted to stop listening, to beg Rachel to stop talking about /him/ but she needed to know, she needed to hear all of it. Quinn found a measure of satisfaction in Rachel being heartbroken over their break up, that she hadn't been the only one hurting over the demise of something she had invested so much of herself.
The thought of Matt and Rachel together in real sense stabbed at her heart but as she really listened to Rachel's words, she could admit she understood the progression for the first time, could understand the comfort and stability he provided. She also heard Rachel's fear of rejection by Quinn, fear that she wouldn't have been able to let Rachel back into her life at that stage. Quinn had admitted that possibility moments before and had no argument. "To clarify, you loved him but realized you weren't really in love with him? And he the same with you?"
Quinn sipped her coffee and broke off a piece of the chocolate chip cookie, but merely held it between her fingers as she played the conversation back in her mind again. "Hearing the kids talk about him, the way they adore him, he must be a better person than I wanted him to be. I'll admit I never gave him a chance, never wanted to get to know him when the pretending to date first started because I hated what he represented. When my biggest fear played out in front of my eyes, I put the blame on him because I couldn't find it in me to blame you entirely."
Quinn brought that bite of cookie to her mouth finally but didn't taste much of it as her nerves were still on edge. "Are things between you better now? Less hostile?"
RACHEL: She nodded with a slow breath, the conversation was much harder than she had initially expected it would be. "There was a point when I'm sure I was in love with him. I let myself accept that he was who I was going to be with and, in the spirit of full honesty, I know that I was happy with him when we were young and raising Grace. Around the time Eli came was when we started to really piece together that we weren't a good fit and no amount of saying we were could make it true."
She paused as Quinn spoke, doing her best to take in every single word and understand where she stood with everything now and then. The kids did love Matt and Rachel knew he was a wonderful guy, just as caught up in the lime light as she was. He'd done a little to get to know Quinn in the beginning and, over the years, he'd question whether or not Rachel had any regrets over everything. It was a conversation they didn't have until the divorce and all he'd said was that he already knew and had known since the beginning.
"He's a great friend now. We're getting there," she said with a small smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "it's a process of course, but for the kids sake we know its best if him and I are on the best possible terms." Rachel drummed lightly on the top of her coffee cup as she glanced out the window for a moment. "He knew before I did that I'd never gotten over you," Rachel met Quinn's gaze once more, "I think that was one of the main reasons I decided to call you. Even when Matt and I were not on good terms in the midst of a divorce, he'd sit down and tell me not to throw away an opportunity to fix past mistakes. He's a good guy."
QUINN: "Ten years is a long time, Rachel, and you were with him in one or another the entire time. Even not with me, I would want you to be happy." Quinn offered a small but sincere smile of her own. "Working through the hostility and being friends again speaks volumes about both of you and the way you feel about your kids. There is no way that would be a bad thing."
Her eyes widened a little as she processed Rachel's next words. "He did? And... do you? I mean, are you still not over me now?" She looked expectantly toward Rachel sitting on the proverbial edge of her seat for a response but the next question couldn't wait. "My gender is still the same. Are you ready for any fallout that might result from being in a relationship with a woman, with me?"
RACHEL: She was nodding in agreement, along with Quinn as she spoke. Ten years was a long time, agonizingly long. Long enough for her to cycle through her mistakes with newfound understanding and a certain maturity that came with age and life experience and understanding her motives and the errors of her ways. Was she over Quinn?
The easy answer was no. Obviously no, she'd jumped at the opportunity to kiss her the moment Quinn had stepped into her bubble but it was far more complicated than that. There was a reason they hadn't worked before and Rachel knew that was mostly because of her foolishness and immaturity. Quinn's next question threw her for a loop and she felt her stomach flip and flop inside of her. Was she ready for any fallout? She should've been the first time around and it was something she'd mulled over for so long. It was a heavy question, with an even heavier answer. She'd walk away from it all if she could go back in time. The Tony's, the roles, it was wonderful and a dream come true. But she would've given it all away to keep from breaking Quinn's heart. Those words weren't nearly as easy to say as they were to feel.
She held Quinn's gaze, expression steady and even as she continued to tug on the cardboard of the coffee sleeve, "I made a big mistake the first time around, Quinn. A lot of beautiful things happened as a result of that but that doesn't take away any of the regret or the guilt that I've felt since I walked away from you and from us. I was misguided and impressionable and I can assure you, though I don't expect you to believe me anytime soon, that I wouldn't be sitting here if I hadn't already thought about the potential repercussions."
QUINN: Tears clouded her vision and Quinn wasn't certain exactly why at this point. The only thing she knew was that they weren't a bad thing, simply overwhelming. Dropping her chin to her chest, she inhaled deeply and broke off another piece of the cookie buying a few more seconds to rein herself in.
"Is that a yes then? You're willing to take the risk of a hit to your career at this juncture if it came to that?" Quinn forced herself to look up again, to find Rachel's eyes and hold her gaze even if it meant exposing the intense emotion flowing through her. "I can't pretend I'm not terrified to consider where this might go between us, but Santana pointed out to me I've already let you back in. Along with calling me a dumbass, she forced me to accept that we aren't capable of being just friends. Boundaries between us are a joke at best."
RACHEL: Her eyes didn't leave Quinn as the blonde looked down. She wanted to be in Quinn's head, to understand what she was thinking and where she stood on the entire thing. It was a moment Rachel never thought would happen, a moment when she would be given an opportunity to actually start to truly right the wrongs of her past. A time when she could back track to the fork in the road when she'd picked the wrong path. Quinn looked up again and the emotion in her eyes made the nerves swell more inside of her, chills running over her body and down her spine.
"Of course Santana said that," she murmured, a smile peeking onto her lips after a moment. Boundaries between them had only existed when the two of them were physically apart. The moment they stepped into each other's worlds, anything was fair game.
"It's a yes, Quinn. I've had a wonderful career and I'm under contract for my dream role, but I'd throw it all away in a heart beat if it meant you and I had another chance," she said softly, reaching up and brushing away a tear before it could slide down her cheek, "I want you to be able to trust me again, because walking away from you is the biggest mistake I ever made."
QUINN: Quinn exhaled a relieved breath and turned her cheek into Rachel's light touch. "I want to trust you, but you have to acknowledge it won't be easy. None of this will be easy and the stakes are higher this time. It's not just the two of us, there are the kids, Matt, and your career, my career too."
Reaching up, she stroked her fingers over Rachel's against her skin and closed her eyes. "So we're doing this? Before you say yes, you should be aware Santana expects to give you the talk. Factor that in to your answer."
RACHEL: Quinn's skin was softer than she'd remembered from the previous week and she brushed her thumb gently over her cheek bone as Quinn reached up to rest her hand over her own. Turning her wrist, she took Quinn's hand in her own and brought their joined hands down to rest on the table. "It won't be easy. There's far more on the line than just our hearts this time and I don't take that lightly. But the reward is far worth the risk Quinn, it always has been. I was just far too blind to see it."
A quiet chuckle passed her lips at the comment about Santana and she shook her head with a playful roll of her eyes, "We're doing this. Santana can give me the talk, intimidate me all she wants, but that doesn't scare me the slightest."
QUINN: "I don't take it lightly either and I'll fight for you - even in if I'm fighting against you." Quinn squeezed Rachel's hand in hers feeling lighter than she had in longer than she could remember. This touch wasn't accidental or something to question, it was the beginning of their next journey.
Eyes widening comically, Quinn snorted out an unladylike laugh. "That is a huge honking lie. Santana scares me on a daily basis and she's my best friend. Motherhood and her saint of a wife have calmed her Lima Heights a little, but it's not going to be a pretty talk. Your bravado is appreciated though and I won't let her be too much of an ass. Promise."
Quinn smiled broadly, the most genuine and heartfelt smile of the evening. Not ready to have the evening end, she decided to take a chance. "Are you still free until tomorrow afternoon? Want to take me home, watch a movie, and cuddle? A tequila free zone."
RACHEL: Rachel laughed along with Quinn. God, she knew she was so scared of Santana. The woman was unwavering in her friendship and she'd gotten a taster of just how strong of a bond she and Quinn had when they'd broken up so long ago. But now, now Santana had watched Quinn put herself back together and then Rachel just swooped back in and pulled Quinn back into her life. Santana wasn't going to go easy on her and she didn't expect it, but it was more than worth it.
"She's a great friend," Rachel said with a quiet laugh, giving Quinn's fingers a squeeze, "let her go all out. I probably more than deserve it after everything. I'm sure she's already preparing to scare the living daylights out of me."
Quinn's smile lit up the entire coffee shop in stark contrast of their entire discussion filled with heartache and stress. It was far from being over. They were going to have to work every day until the trust was back, but Rachel was more than ready for that. "I would love that, Quinn. I feel as though we could use a night just the two of us. The first step to figuring this whole thing out. No tequila."
QUINN: "No no no. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy and you are far from that. But we can humor her a little. With any luck the ninja turtle will have kept her up and she'll be grouchy but too tired to have much bite." Quinn rolled her thumb over Rachel's hand knowing she wasn't going to let go until she absolutely had to.
"Baby steps, right? I want to remember every part of tonight, to cuddle without it being accidental. Though that means keeping our pants on and not putting your bra in the refrigerator. Think you can handle that?" They still had an a few pastries on the table but Quinn couldn't be bothered to pack them up. "Your place or mine? You can borrow lounge clothes at mine. And we can stop for Thai..."
RACHEL: "I think I can handle her," she confirmed with a small nod. She hoped for the best at least. It would all be worth it. Rachel took another sip of her coffee, finishing it up with her first real wide smile of the evening. "Baby steps," she nodded as they stood, their hands still firmly clasped together. She'd missed the little things and she wasn't about to end their moment prematurely.
"You mean I can't drunkenly strip for you? Where's the fun in that?" Rachel smirked, letting out a quiet laugh as they grabbed their trash to toss in the nearby trash can. Her hand was back in Quinn's as soon as she could and their fingers laced together naturally, "Your place? Mine is riddled with toys right now, it's quite embarrassing." They stepped out of the coffee shop and fell into pace together naturally, "Thai sounds delicious. Be careful with offering up your lounge clothes, I have a tendency to steal t-shirts accidentally. Just ask Kurt."
QUINN: Rachel's hand in hers so naturally might actually be worth every second of this afternoon's emotional conversation, every heavy question and answer as long as the end result was being able to feel this connected. "Nope. No drunken stripping. The next time you strip for me I want to remember every single second in vivid detail." Shaking her head,Quinn felt a blush creep up her neck to paint her cheeks in a warm shade of red but the words were out before the could stop them and they weren't untrue.
"Mine it is, but be warned it's not exactly tidy." Quinn tugged her coat closed a little more with her free hand and stepped inches closer to Rachel as the wound down the street toward the thai place on the corner near her apartment. "You looked better in my Yale shirt than I did, so it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
A half hour later, the pair were settled on the floor by the coffee table their backs leaning against the sofa, knees touching despite being tucked under them. "Anything you are in the mood to watch tonight? Maybe The Heat or something funny."
RACHEL: Her blush rivaled Quinn's at the small comment about her stripping and she ducked her gaze as they began to walk down the street. The next time she stripped for Quinn, she didn't want to wake up in a daze the following morning with her bra in the fridge and no recollection of the events.
She knew the shirt Quinn was talking about. It had been her favorite and she'd all but stolen it during their time together. It was the first one Quinn had bought during her freshman year and Rachel put it on on a whim during their first month of dating and for the following years it became hers, coming home with her after weekend trips to New Haven to serve as a reminder of her girlfriend. She'd left it behind during the breakup to keep the reminder of the heartbreak from reappearing in her closet every day.
It wasn't long before they were in Quinn's apartment, settled inside one another's bubble in the most wonderful way. They hadn't strayed too far since they'd left the coffee shop, bodies innocently touching in some way or another to preserve the contact they seemed to both desperately need. "That sounds wonderful," she said with a happy sigh, leaning back against the couch and tilting her body to face Quinn a little better, "I could use something light hearted after everything today."
QUINN: "No Nicholas Sparks? Nothing deep, meaningful and reflective?" Giggling, she knew there was no way either of them could deal with anything heavy at this point. The weight of the week and emotional toll of their conversation has provided more than enough drama for tonight and hopefully the foreseeable future.
Turning toward Rachel, head leaning back against the couch, Quinn lost herself in the moment. The food would wait as she memorized each little detail - the way a strand of Rachel's hair was tucked behind her ear precariously as if it could fall at will, Rachel's eyes still rimmed red from tears but no longer reflecting sadness and heartache, her lips curved upward in a smile that radiated outward expressing the general level of happiness and contentment with where they were right now. Quinn's gaze flitted to Rachel's bottom lip and back to her eyes.
"I want to ..." The sentence went unfinished as Quinn inched closer and closer the distance between them disappearing until their lips touched in the lightest of kisses, a soft brush of lip on lip not driven by hunger or overwhelming need but an expression of the feelings tingling below the surface. This kiss, or kisses if she's honest, was everything they had not been ready for in Rachel's kitchen. Resting her forehead on Rachel's, Quinn grinned broadly a breath away from the woman's lips her heart beat strong and fast in her chest. There would be no running out tonight, no panic or terror, instead this was a baby step into their new relationship. "I've missed you. Especially the kissing."
RACHEL: The way Quinn looked at her set her skin on fire just like it always had. She could feel the familiar butterflies that fluttered in her stomach pick up their pace, flying in excited circles as she watched Quinn's hazel eyes trail over her face as if it was the first time she'd ever seen her and she felt the light blush tint her cheeks. She knew what was coming next - the way Quinn's eyes darted down to her lips momentarily before meeting her gaze, the way she leaned in so carefully and deliberately.
Her heart was pounding in her chest with anticipation. The last kiss hadn't ended well and she knew that they'd taken the first step into resolving so many of those issues, but this was another baby step forward. A much needed one at that. Quinn's lips were impossibly soft and Rachel made a mental note to commit this to memory, to savor the way Quinn;s lips felt against her own. Her hand rested over the blonde's knee as one kiss gently lead into a few more. They weren't hasty or hungry and stayed sweet and simple. Just how it should've been a week ago in her kitchen when they'd let their bodies take over their thoughts.
Her smile rivaled Quinn's as she pulled away and she let out a quiet chuckle, "I missed you too. More than just the kissing, but definitely the kissing." Rachel leaned back in to place one more gentle kiss to her lips as she let her fingers trailed down her forearm until she took her hand in her own, "Thank you for giving me another chance. I - just thank you."
QUINN: Goosebumps broke out down her arm in the wake of Rachel's fingers and Quinn practically trembled as their fingers were laced together once again. To sit there so closely, their thighs brushing against each other, felt like the most natural thing in the world. The anxiety over accidental touches, outside of the awkward tequila incident, should have been Quinn's clue that they needed to talk more about the past but she had not been ready to take those steps.
"As if I had another choice." Quinn caressed Rachel's fingers with hers and held her gaze again. "You've never not been in my heart. Even apart you've always been there. Pretending otherwise, not taking this risk, I would regret it for the rest of my life."
Quinn lowered her head, cheeks flushing at her admission. Her cheeks were a permanent state of pink when Rachel was around and she would probably have to get used to it. "How's your food? Once we're finished, I'll get out some lounge clothes and we can get comfortable. Stay the night? There is popcorn and cookies in it for you. Your favorite kind ....."
RACHEL: Their fingers laced together felt as if Rachel was coming home, as if she'd been waiting for years to feel this close to Quinn and little by little, everything was falling back into place. How it should have always been. Quinn's words made her heart soar and a deep blush painted her cheeks. It was strange getting to actually speak her mind around Quinn again, to be able to say the thoughts that had been deemed inappropriate and far too forward for their tentative friendship. But this was so much more, this was a tentative relationship and both of them knew that they were taking steps to getting back to being Quinn and Rachel.
"I don't think either of us ever really had another choice," she agreed, glancing down at their hands, admiring the way they fit so perfectly together.
The food! She'd forgotten about the food. A quiet chuckle left her lips and she nodded, "It's delicious, I'm sure." The thought of staying the night with Quinn wasn't foreign. In fact, they'd accidentally slept over together twice and both had brought a morning of confusion and awkwardness. Not today. Now it was a sober evening together, a sober night sleeping wrapped up in each others arms, and a sober morning of sharing coffee and maybe breakfast. "I'd love to stay the night," she said, leaning back against the couch as she reluctantly let go of Quinn's hand to take a bite of her food, "You don't need to bribe me with popcorn and cookies, though I'll definitely cash in on a late night snack."
QUINN: "You're sure, huh?" Quinn laughed gently realizing she hadn't eaten enough of her food to be certain either. Was it possible to eat and hold Rachel's hand at the same time? She hated letting go even for that split second not because she was worried the other woman would change her mind or run away, but more she simply craved the feeling of being that connected after fighting it for the past couple of months.
"I don't? Noted. No bribery necessary for Ms. Rachel Berry to spend the night in my apartment, but she won't turn down snacks." Quinn winked, grinning broadly knowing full well she was being a complete dork. Grabbing the remote, she cued up the movie and hit play letting it be the soundtrack for the remainder of their dinner.
Once dinner was over, they cleared away the containers storing the leftovers before making their way to her bedroom as Quinn rooted around for lounge clothes for both of them. Hers were easy enough settling on a worn t-shirt with the Captain American logo faded on the front paired with fuzzy dark blue pants with slices of cheese pizza on them. For Rachel, she pulled out the shirt she had been wearing the morning after their tequila debacle and an old Yale tee that was well worn and faded too. "You can pick between these two. I promised pants, but ... they are probably going to be long. Roll them up?"
Rachel:Dinner was peaceful, filled with light conversation and smiles as the two of them ate their meal to the background noise of the movie. They shared light laughter and gentle brushes of their hands together for the inability to keep from touching constantly. Quinn was like the first drops of rain after a drought and Rachel, just like she had been years ago, was hooked.
After they put away their leftovers, they made their way to Quinn's room and Rachel already felt far more comfortable than she had the last time she'd been in the room. She'd woken up after a morning of hungover cuddles and still was quite confused on the happenings of the night before. Tonight was different, she was hyper aware of her surroundings and every small step made between them. She pulled out two shirts, an old Yale shirt and the lounge shirt that she'd slept in over a week ago. "You know I'm partial to the Yale shirts," she teased, grabbing the shirt from the blonde, "it makes me feel like I went to an Ivy League as well."
A teasing grin pulled on her lips, "I don't mind rolling them up, but if that's your attempt at suggesting I don't wear pants then I'm going to have to pass tonight. No tequila to get me naked tonight." Soon she was changed into the Yale shirt and a pair of Quinn's pajama pants and the pair of them were climbing under the sheets. Rachel didn't waste a moment to slip her arms around the blonde, curling into her side. "I missed this," she said softly, smiling up at Quinn.