Tom Hiddleston had never once lied to Zawe, but when she asked how the Halloween party had gone, he couldn’t help but do just that. After all was said and done with Kendall, Tom collected the remainder of his costume, and exited the bathroom without looking back once. He fled outside to the Jaguar, unlocked the door and threw the remainder of the costume into the back, slamming the door shut behind him. He sat in the drivers seat, pulling out his phone and texting Lizzie that he’d explain why later but as of now, he really wanted to leave. After ten minutes of no response, he slammed his head and fist against the steering wheel, got out and asked one of the event staff if they had seen her before he even bothered searching, to which they replied, she left awhile ago and seemed visibly distraught. A wave of nausea and fear washed over him as he thanked them, deciding to go for another drink and then he would leave.
Tom settled on just leaving her go for the night, and attempting to see her in the morning to figure out what she saw or heard and whether or not she was done with him, to which he fully expected to happen, and he planned on spending the night preparing himself to never see her again. On the drive home, after another small argument with Kendall and offering to take her home as well, given her ride bailed on her. As soon as he dropped her off, he picked up Bobby and overnight things and started driving right to Zawe’s house, just needing the distraction and wanting to see his daughter more than anything. There was no way he could be so miserable while looking at that sweet little girl’s face. Zawe allowed him in, setting with him on the couch while he coddled their baby, dressed in an adorable orange footed-onesie with bats patterned over it, and covered her in kisses.
While skipping over the bad parts of the party, Zawe was much smarter than Tom, nonetheless knowing him better than anyone else aside from his mother, she knew there was more to the story than he was telling, and while he made random appearances if he wanted to see his daughter before the next week he would have gotten her, there was more often not a reason behind it, whether it was work-related stress or real life. “I can’t take her now, can I?” Tom asked. “You are not using our innocent daughter as a tactic to butter-up your girlfriend for your poor choices, Tom.” Zawe scolded lightheartedly, watching Tom play with her arms and legs, extending them in baby exercise as he sang Thriller quietly but dramatically. “That’s what Bobby’s there for.”
Tom ended up staying the night, wanting to be as close to Delilah as possible to get a decent nights sleep. After waking up, the two decided to take Delilah out for breakfast as a rare occurrence at a local diner, covering her face in her seat by pulling down the canopy whenever approached by someone. Still, leaving his daughter was hard and heading to Lizzie’s was worrying, but he knew seeing his baby girl brightened his mood, let alone weekend. As soon as Tom arrived, he knocked on the door and ran a hand over his mouth, shifting his weight to one foot as he felt his heart begin to race, Bobby having no idea of the disaster that was likely to unfold. He just knew he was at Lizzie’s house. Once the door opened, Tom sighed relieved, blue eyes desperate and pleading as Bobby’s tail thumped against the porch floorboards, whimpering up at the blonde. For once in his life, Tom stalled completely, unsure of what even to say. “I know I’m the last person you want to see, I don’t even know what you saw, but we need to talk.” @lizzieolxen
Mercy: felt like crap, her whole body ached and she just wanted to curl up in a ball and never be heard from again. She wasn't sure how she got to the hospital or how long she was out. She dislocated her shoulder so bad they had to surgically put it back together. Busted up the side of her body pretty good, bruised a couple of ribs and her hip, but considering she fell from a tree they said she was lucky. Her parents went from scolding her to attempting to get that tree removed from the school property which would really make everyone hate her. After three days in the hospital they finally let her go home and she had never loved her bed more. Her dad had carried her to her room and laid her down kissing her forehead. It was in that rare moment did she feel he actually cared for her a little bit. She watched him leave and closed her eyes wanting to try and rest, she would worry about being hated later.
TAGGING → Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry, Santana, Matt, Grace, and Eli
GENERAL NOTES → Santana confronts Rachel and Matt relates to Quinn
QUINN: “Stop with that face.” Quinn warned Santana before kissing Rafael on the forehead loving his little gurgling giggle as she handed him back to his mother. “Not that one either.”
“Are you my mother? I’ll have whatever face I want. Months of your dumbass on my couch after she kicked you to the curb and years of pathetic whining too – I’ve earned it.” Santana waved her off with a dismissive swoosh of her hand.
“Just be nice. And remember I’ve decided to start the relationship over again.” The blonde felt her nerves kick up but hoped that wouldn’t be apparent as she traveled down to get Rachel. The woman didn’t need Quinn’s anxiety on top of her own.
“Is there any other reason she would allowed in my house?” Ignoring her entirely, Santana swirled Rafael around cradling him close as he fisted her shirt attempting to get the fabric to his mouth. Motherhood was adorable on her.
“Fine. Fine.” Quinn headed out to get Rachel and bring her up. Butterflies swirled in her belly playing Santana say her bit and get over it. She was loathe to admit that while she was irritated Santana was insisting on putting Rachel through the ringer with this talk, she also appreciated that Santana cared enough to have her back.
Inside the foyer of the apartment building just outside of the elevator, Quinn’s gaze landed on Rachel who appeared to be anxiously shifting from foot to foot with a pensive expression on her face. “Hey, you.” Stepping from the elevator, she let the doors slide closed and immediately reached for Rachel’s hands tugging her close and wrapping her arms around her.
RACHEL: She had never been so nervous. Not in her entire life. Not when she was about to make her Broadway debut, and not when she was accepting her first Tony award. Santana was a force to be reckoned with, an unwavering friend and Rachel had really messed up the first time around with Quinn. She didn't blame Santana for being protective over someone who had spent months on her couch moping around. But that didn't stop the nerves from swirling over her.
Rachel was just lucky Quinn was there and would be there through the whole ordeal. Despite her nerves and the worry about what would be thrown her way, Rachel knew this was necessary. She had made a mistake before when she left Quinn and threw away the beautiful relationship they had. She wasn't going to make that mistake again, not in a million years. She would hand in her career if it meant being completely happy in her personal life after so long.
She stood just inside of the apartment, waiting by the elevator for Quinn to come meet her before heading up to Santana. She shifted from one foot to another as she attempted to gain as much confidence as she could possibly muster. Then she heard the angelic voice of Quinn from just a few feet away and all of her worry slipped into the back of her mind. It was impossible to think about anything else when Quinn's arms were around her. She slipped her arms around the blonde's shoulders, holding her tightly as she pressed her face to the crook of her neck. "I'm so glad you're here for this," she breathed out in a sigh.
QUINN: Quinn breathed Rachel in and released it with a soft sigh. Being able to hold her like this again filled her with a sense of coming home. It was new and refreshing mixed with equal parts familiar and filled with contentedness. Tightening her arms around Rachel, Quinn pressed soft kisses to the top of her head until she tilted her chin upward for Quinn to continue kissing her lips. She hoped she never got over the burst of happiness that swept through each and every time their lips met like this. One kiss turned into five, all sweet and light but she knew she risked Santana's wrath if she stayed in the lobby to long and Rachel was anxious enough already.
Reluctantly, Quinn kissed Rachel's lips one more time and stepped back tracing her fingers down Rachel's arm to lace their fingers together. "We should go, but keep this in mind as Santana does Santana. She thinks she will be protecting me first and foremost. Her bark is infinitely more scary than her bite. Her wife won't stand for violence in the apartment. And most importantly, our fresh start - this new us we are working on - it doesn't change just because Santana threatens to go Lima Heights or whatever."
RACHEL: Maybe they could just sneak away, spend the rest of the afternoon somewhere kissing and kissing until they needed to go pick up the children. Santana could wait right? It was the only logical solution with the way Quinn's lips felt against her own, so sweet and gentle and perfect in every way. How had they gone so long without it? Rachel had no idea, but she never planned on making it stop. Not in a million years.
But Quinn pulled away, much to Rachel's dismay, and she jutted her bottom lip out in a pout, but quickly transformed into a smile with the glorious feeling of Quinn's fingers along her arm on their descent to take her hand. "I know," she confirmed, slowly walking towards the elevator to press the button, "she's fiercely protective over you and she has every right to be." The elevator doors opened and Rachel took in a deep breath before stepping inside, allowing Quinn to take the lead and press the proper button. "I know that whatever happens in there doesn't change what happens between you and I, but it doesn't make it any less terrifying. And while I'm sure motherhood has tamed her a bit, I know that she and I don't exactly have the friendliest past. Especially when it comes to you and I being together."
QUINN: As the elevator doors closed, Quinn leaned against Rachel squeezing her hand and otherwise being as close to her as possible. It was a compulsion really this need to be in constant contact with her but being together again, Quinn craved the closeness as much as she needed breath. No, she had not waited all of this time for Rachel to be hers again and after the second year post break up, she never thought it would happen but being with the brunette completed her like no other relationship had.
Opening her mouth to reply, to reassure, she closed it again as the elevator dinged announcing their arrival on the proper floor. The doors slid open and Quinn was taken by surprise as Rachel's grip on her hand tightened sharply. In that moment, she had a newfound respect for Matt if this was even a fraction of what holding Rachel's hand in childbirth would have been like. Ouch. Just ouch. Kissing the her cheek, Quinn whispered "It's okay, babe. I'm not leaving your side. She'll be a jackass, but then she'll fade out and we will run away for kisses."
"About time." Santana's voice boomed before the doors even opened all the way making Quinn jump at the unexpected noise and volume. Rafael must have been just as surprised as she started to cry and Santana was forced to soothe him.
"See. You being a bit --- uhh ---butt scared your son." Quinn knew better than to poke the bear, but old patterns die hard.
"Shut up and come take my baby so I can kick your woman's ass."
"Santana." Quinn leveled her with a warning glare that was promptly ignored.
RACHEL: It felt as though she was off to her demise, that Santana would probably kill her with just a narrowed glance and Rachel immediately wished she'd said goodbye to the children or at least made sure to tell them she loved them. Alright, so maybe she was being a little dramatic but she couldn't help it. Santana had always instilled a little bit of fear in her, even when she and Quinn were dating and on good terms.
Her grip on Quinn's hand was impossibly tight as they made their way to Santana's door. Before the doors were even open all the way, Santana spoke and Rachel practically jumped. "Oh god," she breathed out as they stepped inside, her hand reluctantly dropping from Quinn's as the blonde went to hold the baby.
"It's nice to see you, Santana," Rachel said with the best smile she could muster despite the fact that her hands were shaking and her heart was racing so fast she was worried it would fail any minute now, "it's been a while."
QUINN: "Not long enough if you ask me." Santana circled around Rachel like a boxer looking for her best opening move. It would almost be comical if it weren't for level of anxiousness being projected around the room. "But Quinn apparently wants to shove her tongue down your throat again and other things I've been told are not appropriate for Rafe's little ears. So ... Ground rules."
Quinn sat down in the wooden rocking chair holding the baby close to her chest as he calmed from the scare moments earlier. As he stopped crying, he started to squirm and shift in her lap obviously wanting to play. She refused to leave the room or Rachel's side opting instead to move to the floor and the pile of toys there - within listening distance and close enough to jump if necessary.
"First - if you even think you might go play het again, get out now. I stand a chance of mopping up your mess at the moment. From that sappy tone she's using, the window here is short." Santana's brow went up and she let the silence hang in the air between them maintaining tension and underscoring her seriousness. "You broke her and not just her heart leaving me to clean it up while you continued playing house very publicly. Not this time if you expect to continue breathing. Understand?"
RACHEL: If Rachel was watching this happen to someone else, she'd laugh. She would giggle and snicker at how ridiculous it was for one grown woman to circle another, successfully intimidating them. Yet here she was, her jaw clenched and hands practically trembling. Santana deserved this though, to be able to have her moment to tell Rachel everything she deserved to hear over the past ten years.
She let Santana say her piece, nodding along as she spoke. But then she paused and her tone was far more serious than before. She had left Quinn, broken hearted and alone while she spoke in interviews about how happily in love she was with Matt. Even if it was still fake at that time, that wasn't alright. She would take it all back if she could.
Rachel took a half step forward towards Santana, their eyes locked on one another as she spoke. "I'm not going anywhere, Santana. I wish there was a big enough apology to make up for what I did in the past, but I was twenty two and stupid and I didn't realize that what Quinn and I had was far more important than any career move." Rachel shrugged her shoulders, glancing across the room at the blonde with a small smile, "I'm not going to hurt Quinn again, nor do I take taking these steps to start our relationship lightly. My children are in the picture now and I'm not about to open that can of worms without being one hundred percent sure."
QUINN: From her position on the floor, she wanted to step in, to tell Santana to butt out and leave Rachel alone but she knew they needed to get this out sooner rather than later. To let it fester was to worry about how to keep her best friend and ... girlfriend? ... separate. It had to happen eventually and as difficult as it was she held back. Rafe gurgled and giggled playing unaware of the tense conversation behind him.
Rachel's eyes met hers imploring her to feel once again the determination and truth in her words, and that smile released a flurry in her stomach like magic. And then there was the look from Santana to Rafael as he played so innocently on the floor. The balance in the room shifted so obviously, turning on the mention of Rachel's children and her consideration of them and the tightness around Santana's mouth ebbed, her shoulders losing a fraction of the tension they had held.
"Damn it. That was unfair, dwarf. Throwing the children into the mix like that. I wanted to remain pissed at your for eternity but you made a valid point that I can't undermine." Santana appeared a little less ready to pounce but no less serious. "You better realize how special it is now especially with her dumbass letting you back in. I can feel her googly eyes from here. "Stop that shit around my kid. You'll make him hurl."
Quinn exhaled her held breath knowing that while Santana still had reservations and would make snarky remarks at every turn possible she wasn't going to corner Rachel threatening her every time they met either. "You had better watch that potty mouth around the boy or your wife is going to wash your mouth out with soap." A little snorty giggle escaped as Santana shot her a look but couldn't maintain it as Rafe crawled over to her demanding to be picked up. "That's Rafael 'Ninja Turtle', Rach. He's a 9 month old drooling machine at the moment cutting teeth and tormenting Santana."
RACHEL: She let out a small sigh of relief when Santana somewhat conceded. She hadn't intentionally diffused the situation so quickly, but she was glad she had. It was true though. With Grace and Eli in the picture nothing was done without a certain degree of certainty. Did she plan on telling them now that she and Quinn were starting to date? No, not quite. She wanted to start feeling comfortable in their skin again and with one another fully before adding in another element of more parental-like responsibilities.
Rachel nodded her head, her hands clasped in front of her as she took another small glance to Quinn before meeting Santana's eyes with almost a new found confidence. "I know it's not a second chance I deserve but it's a second chance I'm more than thankful to have been given, Santana."
A smirk curved onto her lips as Quinn spoke and she raised a brow, hoping that maybe they could just pretend like they were back being reluctant acquaintances like they had been during their senior year and most of her relationship with Quinn. "I never thought I'd see the day when Santana Lopez had to watch her word choice. Motherhood looks good on you Santana."
The brunette offered up a small smile before kneeling down to smile at the little baby down by their feet. "Oh well isn't that just the cutest face," she said as Rafael let out another giggle and what sounded like a protest directed towards his mother as if to ask why he was still on the floor. Rachel couldn't resist and she scooped the baby up into her arms to pass him over to Santana but he immediately took hold of a fist full of her hair, grinning like a mad man. "Quinn I want to keep him," she said in a serious tone, before looking at Santana, "I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to tips to make teething more bearable. Eli was the worst, we'll have to talk about that later."
QUINN: "Don't push your luck, Berry." Santana groused with so little bite it was almost amusing, almost. She held out her arms to take her son but when he latched onto Rachel she simply shook her head and tapped his nose. "Little traitor."
Quinn crawled off the floor to stand next to Rachel, one hand resting at Rachel's hip the other on Rafe's back. She admired the way the brunette handled the baby with such practiced ease. "He's adorable, but I'm not facing her wrath so we can't keep him. I bet Eli and Grace will fall in love with him too given the chance."
"Yeah. No. You aren't stealing the kid, but as payback from both of you, I demand some free babysitting." Rafael started to fuss and rub his eyes obviously tired. Santana glanced at her watch, turning on her heel and heading to the kitchen to make his bottle. "He's been up every couple of hours for the last few nights with these teeth. They better come in because his mama's need some sleep."
Quinn rest her chin on Rachel's shoulder, the fit as natural as if no time had passed since they were together like this. "You are good with him. Do you have a lot of pictures of you with Grace and Eli? I would love to see them." She was struck by the overwhelming need to fill in more of the blanks of the last ten years, to frame them in her mind with snapshots of the past.
RACHEL: She couldn't help the wide grin as Quinn stood next to her, her arm wrapped around her as she bounced Rafael lightly on her hip. Part of her missed having Eli and Grace be that small, sure it was perfect getting to have full conversations and watch them grow into little individuals, but it didn't mean she didn't miss the little feet and cute tiny hands. Rachel nodded her head quickly at Santana's demand, "Yes to free babysitting. How could anyone say no to this one's face?"
Santana slipped away to make his bottle and Rachel smiled up at Quinn, barely able to tear her eyes away from the baby on her hip. "Both pregnancies were fully documented, as were the first year of both of their lives. I have hours of video of Grace just laying in her crib. We'll have to bust out the baby albums one of these days." Matt and Rachel had more than documented their childhood, Rachel had been so obsessive over not missing a moment that she kept her camera in her hand anytime she wasn't sleeping. It made for good memories though.
Santana returned moments later with the bottle in her hand, handing it over to Rachel along with a little cloth that the brunette draped over her shoulder. Rafael was a sweet boy, immediately settling down in her arms with his bottle and even Santana looked almost impressed. If it was one thing other than theater that Rachel was good at it was calming babies. Eli had been a crazy baby, keeping the brunette up late at night and fussing at almost any little thing. He mellowed out after a few months, but Rachel had learned a few tricks or two.
"Alright," Santana said as soon as Rafael finished up the bottle, motioning for Rachel to hand him over, "give me back my kid dwarf and get the hell out of my house so I can take a nap." Rachel smiled and handed over Rafael almost reluctantly before taking Quinn's hand in her own.
"Thank you for not killing me, Santana," Rachel said with a small smile as she and Quinn made their way to the front door.
QUINN: After a light kiss on the top of the little man's head, Quinn hugged Santana and whispered a low 'Thank you'. No matter how tumultuous and dysfunctional their relationship appeared from the outside, the blonde knew Santana had her back always. Of course she hadn't felt this little tete a tete was necessary, there was a level of comfort from knowing her best friend would defend her so vehemently and though she was loathe to admit it, to have Rachel willing to defend this second chance at a relationship spoke volumes as well.
Taking Rachel's hand in her own even before the door closed behind them, Quinn tugged the woman to a stop and pulled her in for a kiss. It had simply been too long between kisses and she craved the intimacy. "Thank you for going in there, for letting her be ridiculous and standing up for yourself and us. I should warn you though, she's going to hold us to babysitting. There will be no way out of that."
Squeezing Rachel's hand in hers, Quinn kissed her a few more times, the lightest press of lip on lip making her heart soar in her chest. "You make me feel now the same way I did when we were together in college - like the world is black and white without you and explodes with color with you in it."
RACHEL: Rachel smiled against Quinn's lips as soon as they were on hers and she slipped her arms around her shoulders. She'd missed these little moments and had almost forgotten how wonderful it was to feel Quinn's arms around her in their little intimate moments. Her memories from the decade before had gotten far too fuzzy and a real refresher didn't go unnoticed.
She brushed her fingers through Quinn's hair, pulling back with a grin. "I have no qualms about babysitting that little cutie. I wish we could just keep him forever. I miss having a little baby around. You'll love seeing Eli and Grace's baby pictures..." Her voice trailed off wistfully as she took a half step closer.
Quinn's words made her heart soar and she cupped the blonde's cheek lovingly. What did she do to deserve someone so perfect? Even after everything that had happened between the two of them, her words were music to her ears. "Quinn," she said softly, bringing their lips together for the gentlest of kisses, "you make me feel far better than I did in college. It...I feel as though the time apart, as unfortunate as that was, made me appreciate exactly what the two of us had and have now."
QUINN: "I can't wait to see their baby albums and pics of you pregnant with them." Quinn smiled gently at Rachel realizing that while she still felt pangs of hurt from not having been an integral part of it at the time, it was far less acute and more of a curiosity now. "And I'm looking forward to seeing them this afternoon too. It hasn't really been that long, but it feels like forever since we went to the kid's museum and bookstore."
Quinn's eyes fluttered closed, the kiss between them deepening as their bodies shifted impossibly closer, the air between their lips so minute it was as if they were breathing in synch. Her fingers trailed over Rachel's hip and she thought she might be able to kiss the woman for hours on end even in the drafty hallway. "You say things like that and I never want to let you go. I promise I'll try to always make sure you know how much I appreciate us and what we build every day."
The door to the outside opened, a cool burst of air and a dark haired teenager walking by effectively interrupting their moment. "Should we go get Grace and Eli? Did you have plans for dinner?"
RACHEL: She hadn't planned on letting go anytime soon, just standing there in the hallway together for the rest of the evening. But the burst of air was a good interruption, keeping the two of them focused on the task at hand. They needed to go get Grace and Eli. It wasn't too far of a drive, but Rachel didn't want to miss dinner with the kids. Not if she could help it.
"Well," Rachel started, slipping her hands down from Quinn's shoulders to take her hands in her own as she started heading down the hallway towards the elevator, "I was thinking I might have dinner with a hot blonde and two hooligans. But only if there's a promise for a couple of kisses after the kids go to bed."
They made their way out to the sidewalk hand in hand and soon were on their way to the nearby parking lot where Rachel had parked the car for the afternoon. As soon as they were in the warmth of the car, she leaned over the console to smile at the blonde, "You know, Grace and Eli are going to be so happy when they find out you're coming. I told Matt to keep it a secret."
QUINN: "Dinner with a hot blonde, huh? Should I be jealous? Though I'd say my ideal evening involves three adorable brunettes so I might have the better deal." The minute the car doors were closed, their seat belts buckled and the motor started, Quinn reached for Rachel's hand and placed their joined fingers on Rachel's thigh. That was the sum total amount of time she had been willing to go without being connected to Rachel in some way. "I can definitely promise kisses after the kids go to bed, maybe even more than a couple if you're really lucky."
Quinn contemplated leaning over and kissing Rachel before she started to drive but if she did they might never get to the kids and she missed them. "Sneaky, Ms. Berry. But the pouncing from Eli and struggle for restraint by Grace will be amazing."
Rachel pulled out of the lot and with each minute they got closer to Matt's Quinn felt her nervousness inch upward. She had not seen him in ten years and she had been barely polite in their prior encounters. Her jealousy had kept her from really getting to know him then and she had blamed him for any little thing she could. "Are you sure this is the best time to see him, uh Matt? I mean I could just wait in the car? Yes. I could totally do that."
RACHEL: The drive was rather peaceful and apart from a few moments when she needed both hands on the wheel, she kept one hand firmly laced with Quinn's on her thigh. It was becoming a familiar drive to Matt's temporary apartment, one that no longer filled her with frustration but with happiness. Things had gotten a lot less tense since the divorce and they were almost back to where they had been before their relationship even started - cordial friends. This time around it just so happened they had a few years of history and two perfect children to juggle as well.
Quinn's words pulled her out of her daze and she glanced over at the blonde, "I'm sure, Quinn." Rachel made another left, bringing them about five minutes out from Matt's apartment and as soon as she stopped at a red light, she turned to face the blonde. "It's going to have to happen eventually, you know. It's so important to me that the two of you get to know each other. It's not as if he's just some ex that will vanish into thin air. Besides, I had to face the wrath of Santana. At least he has no plans on torturing you." The light turned green and Rachel gave Quinn's hand a gentle squeeze. "You'll be fine, and I'll be right there the whole time."
She pulled up to the front of the apartment building, parking in one of the spots on the street marked hour long parking and she put the car into park and turned to fully face Quinn. "Please try and keep an open mind about getting to know him again, for me and for the kids."
QUINN: Her gaze drifted to their joined hands as Quinn struggled to center herself. Her heart was beating way too fast, and her stomach tied in a million knots but of course Rachel was sure she couldn't stay in the car. She knew rationally that seeing Matt again was inevitable, that she had to give him a chance especially for Grace and Eli. They raised the stakes and made him an inevitable part of Rachel's life and for that Quinn would have to be an adult facing this with as much maturity as she could manage. That didn't stop the dread from clawing at her insides or the insecurities that were banging around in her head like a pinball.
Rachel put the car in park far too soon for Quinn's liking, squeezing her hand and hopping from the car leaving the blonde with nothing to do but follow her. /For me and the kids/ - those words played on repeat in her head bolstering her courage as much as possible as she exited the car and took hold of Rachel's hand again letting her lead the way. "No. It won't be the wrath of Santana and he might not have plans to torture me, but Rachel, he's ... God this is hard. He represents everything you left me for before. He's every 'what if' scenario that plagues me with respect to you and us. It's like a walking, living, breathing representation of every insecurity I have."
Quinn's grip on Rachel's hand tightened, but she pressed forward putting one foot in front of the other and focused on breathing. "But you are worth it. Grace and Eli are worth it. For the three of you I would do anything."
RACHEL: Quinn's words tied knots in her stomach, bringing back a great wave of guilt that washed over her and nearly consumed her. Their hands were laced together as they walked inside, heading up the familiar path to the apartment. The moment they were outside the apartment, Rachel stopped instead of knocking on the door, turning to face Quinn and she slipped an arm around her waist and brought the other hand up to cup her cheek gently. Their eyes met and Rachel saw the insecurity pooling in the beautiful hazel orbs.
"Quinn...I made such a bit mistake walking away from what we had. I could apologize for that for years...for the rest of our lives and it would never be enough. But at the end of the day, I want to be with you. I've always wanted to be with you, political and ridiculous bullshit aside. It's always going to be you."
Rachel leaned up on her tip toes to press their lips firmly together. One more kiss, or a handful of kisses, before they knocked wouldn't hurt. It would be a handful of hours before they could be too affectionate. Her children were frighteningly observant and would pick up on any changes in her behavior if she was touching Quinn a little more than normal. Casual handholding? Fine, they'd done that as friends. Curling up together on the couch? No big deal. But the kissing would be a red flag and Rachel wasn't ready to drag the kids along that bridge just yet. She got lost in the kiss, her fingers gliding through blonde locks as she made sure to leave them with a final and wonderful kiss to hold them over until the evening. Stolen kisses just weren't the same.
She was so lost in the kiss, that she didn't even hear the door open behind her. It wasn't until Matt let out a dramatic sigh that she pulled back in a frenzy of embarrassment. "You know, Rachel," he said, leaning against the frame of the door, a small smile on his lips, "that part is still going to take some getting used to." Rachel slipped away from Quinn and crossed the few feet to give him a quick hug, smacking his shoulder before pulling him into the embrace, "Oh hush. How are the kids?"
Matt returned the hug briefly before shrugging his shoulders, "They're wonderful as always. I swear they just get smarter every time I see them. Grace has figured out how to work the computer, watch out for that." His eyes darted back to Quinn and he held open the door to invite the two women inside, "It's been a while, Quinn. It's good to see you."
QUINN: "Rachel... you don't have to keep apologizing. I won't say it's water under the bridge because it's so obviously not yet, but we are here and together. You took on Santana for me and I'll give Matt a chance for you and the kids. Together. We'll face the future together." Rachel's hand was on her cheek, that thumb so gently caressing her skin she nearly forgot how to think. Losing herself in Rachel's eyes, those deep brown incredibly expressive eyes, she almost missed the brunette leaning in until her lips were on hers.
Kissing Rachel had a way of making the world disappear and as one kiss turned into two and then five, time became relative. So what that they were standing in a hallway again, this time outside of Matt's apartment, this was the reminder Quinn needed that they were indeed together. Her hands trailed to Rachel's hips tugging her closer and her awareness of the world faded.
Was that a sigh? Oh God. Please don't let it be ... oh of course it was Matt. Who else would it be? Quinn immediately felt her face burn, cheeks no doubt a blazing red hue as she wanted to melt into the floor. She had certainly not intended to greet the man again after 10 years with her lips fused to his ex-wife's in his hallway. That had definitely not been the scenario that played in her head and she immediately felt like a teenager caught by her parents. Mumbling an apology under her breath, she shuffled her feet and slowly moved through the open door. "A while yes. You too. Hello, Matt."
RACHEL: For Quinn's sake she wanted a hole in the ground to open up and simply swallow them, let them disappear from Matt's amused smirk. Her thoughts, however, left the encounter in the hallway the moment Grace came colliding with her legs, arms wrapped around her as she all but pulled her into the bedroom she shared with Eli. "I'll be right back," she called out over her shoulder, "there's a new stuffed animal. Important business of course."
Matt stopped in the living room, shifting from one foot to another for a moment before finally taking in a slow breath and turning to face Quinn. "Do you mind stepping out onto the terrace for a moment?" He asked the blonde, gesturing towards the glass door a few feet away. It wasn't ideal, no. Nor had he ever pictured having to have the conversation to behind with. But nonetheless it was a necessity now. The pair stepped outside and Matt closed the door behind them, it wasn't the sort of conversation the kids needed to accidentally overhear. Especially with Grace's supersonic hearing. "How have you been, Quinn?" He asked after a beat of silence.
QUINN: Grace's excited voice broke through her embarrassment just enough to propel her forward but before she could get swept up in the kids, Rachel disappeared leaving her alone with Matt. As if that wasn't enough awkward tension to follow the hallway kissing incident, Matt compounded that by asking her onto the terrace --- alone. Left with really no other viable option, Quinn stepped out through the open door her heart beat loud in her ears as it slid closed behind them. Had there been the threat of torture, the blonde would worry about being dangled over the railing but this was Matt and he lacked that hard edge or at least Quinn prayed he did.
Quinn's eyebrow ticked upward, a nervous giggle bubbling up unbidden. "I've been well. Though I'm pretty sure you didn't ask me out here to discuss how I've been or the weather." Quinn met his gaze drawing in a steadying breath. Rachel's voice asking her to do this for her and the kids played in her head and from that she drew strength to approach Matt differently than she had ever in the past. Indifference or indignance would serve no purpose and with that thought she drew in another deep breath and smiled a genuine smile. "Like ripping a bandaid, right? I owe you an apology of sorts. I never took the opportunity to get to know you before and I have blamed you for things that were not solely your fault. It was easier to blame you than face harder truths. Those two kids and the way they talk about you, the way you and Rachel co-parent, it's a testament to who you must be as a person. You encouraged her to reach out giving her and I a chance to sort through our history. I am exceptionally grateful for this second chance. You should know I plan to hold on to her with both hands this time."
RACHEL: She was given the grand tour of all the favorite stuffed animals. The new bear, the familiar puppy, everything. A glance out the window at the terrace and she was met with a view of Matt leaning against the railing, looking over the city as Quinn spoke. It made her nervous, her heart racing at the thought of the two of them alone. She hadn't intended to be pulled away like this, nor had she expected Matt to step up and call Quinn outside.
Meanwhile, Matt turned to face Quinn once more, shaking his head. "You had every reason to hate me when we were young. It wasn't like I gave you a chance either," he said as he ran a hand through his hair, "but I'm sorry for everything. For what it's worth. It wasn't just Rachel, I know I played a large part in why the two of you ended." He glanced over to the window, a small smile curving onto his lips at the sight of Eli excitedly jumping in front of a kneeling Rachel.
"She loves you, you know that right?" Matt asked, meeting Quinn's gaze with a degree of certainty he lacked before. "The whole time we were together. All ten years, she never looked at me the way she looked at you - the way she still looks at you. It took me a while to realize she would never look at me that way, no matter how many kids we had or how happy we tried to be."
He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, shaking his head. It was far harder than he would've imagined. But it was like a bandaid. Ripping it off was the best option. "I wish nothing but the best for both of you. The kids love you, Rachel loves you, and if I have to see Rachel to someone, I'm glad it's you."
QUINN: Biting her lip, Quinn nodded not trusting her voice yet. Unexpected tears welled in her throat never in a million years expecting those words to be spoken by Matt in that moment. The word 'love' had not been used specifically between her and Rachel as they pretended to be taking things more slowly but Quinn knew without question she loved Rachel and that Rachel wouldn't have started over with her for anything less than love.
Was he ... did he just give them his blessing? Yes. That was exactly what he had done and Quinn blinked but refused to look away even as the tears started to roll down her cheek. "I love her too. I was never able to find someone else because she still held so much of my heart. She isn't someone to get over easily." Quinn hastily swiped at her cheek and exhaled a ragged breath. "The kids are so special, these beautiful little people with a capacity for love and acceptance. Falling for them was easy. I would do anything for Rachel, Grace, and Eli. Know that."
Eli's voice carried through the glass panes of the sliding doors and Quinn found herself smiling broadly despite having not a clue what he was going on about. "Can we start over? Get to know each other in the now for Rachel and the kids?"
RACHEL: Matt understood. Rachel definitely wasn't someone easy to get over. He knew, he'd known for a long time but it was for the best and frankly they worked better as friends. There had always been something missing, as if a piece of the puzzle didn't quite belong. Rachel was a catch, he knew that, but there were plenty fish in the sea and Rachel wasn't the one for him. He watched as Quinn smiled, watching his son in the window and the whole situation made sense despite how strange it was.
Quinn was always meant to be in Rachel's life in the place Matt had tried so desperately to fill. "Of course we can start over," he said with a quiet laugh as if it were as easy as it sounded. He held out his hand for Quinn as if they were signing some sort of formal agreement, a promise made with a handshake that they would put the past in the past and move forward. The moment Quinn's hand was clasped in his, he smiled, "I know there's a lot of time to make up for and it's not all smiles and rainbows, but for what its worth its been ten years since I've seen her smile like that. Please don't break her heart, Quinn."
The moment was interrupted by the sound of the sliding glass door and Rachel stepped outside with a vibrant smile, "Hey you two, glad you're still alive...the kids are finishing packing their bags and then we should probably get going."
QUINN: Quinn shook Matt's extended hand as if accepting the terms of a long negotiation. No, it wouldn't always be easy trying to navigate through these new and complex situations but perhaps they could at least leave the past behind and focus on the present and the future instead. For a moment after Matt's last words, Quinn looked almost confused. Never once had she considered that she would or could break Rachel's heart as to her that appeared impossible, as if Rachel would be the one breaking hers. But to hear Matt, someone who knew this Rachel as well as her Rachel, say that aloud, Quinn knew it was true that they could break each other's hearts. It was far from one sided. "Not ever if I can help it."
The doors opened and Rachel joined them on the terrace, a breath of fresh air with that radiant smile. "It was touch and go for a while, but he's too heavy to dangle over the edge for too long and he worried over the paperwork if he killed me so --- we decided on a truce instead. Much easier." Quinn teased with a small smirk. "I heard Eli relaying something. Sounded like quite a tale. Do they know you dragged me with you yet?"
RACHEL: The brunette rolled her eyes with a smile at Quinn's words, "He is too heavy to dangle over the ledge, trust me I've thought about it." Matt feigned offense at the words, folding his arms over his chest just as dramatically as Eli would have. Her eyes fluttered over to Quinn and she nodded her head.
"They saw you through the window, but I insisted the two of you have adult time," Rachel said with a wink, "but you better go inside and see them before they pop." As if on cue, Grace and Eli appeared with their faces practically pressed against the glass, waving excitedly at Quinn. "Quinn!" Grace called out, opening the screen door and Eli pushed past her excitedly to hug the taller blonde. Rachel's gaze moved up to Matt's and they shared a small smile. He nodded over to Quinn and gave a quick thumbs up before resting his hand atop the little boy's head.
QUINN: The largest smile of the day appeared on Quinn's face as Eli pushed past Grace almost tackling her legs in his enthusiasm. Dropping to her knees, she wrapped both arms around the boy and hugged him tightly making room for Grace as she too rushed in for a hug. "Padawan, Princess Buttercup. Missed you both and cannot wait to hear all about your weekend. Did I hear we have a new stuffed animal? Can they read yet? I need another reading helper to fill in once you two fall asleep on me."
Grace giggled and shook her head. "My new bear can't read with you but she's cute and pink. You should meet her." "I can't wait."
"Are you going to teach my giraffe to read to me, Quinn?" Eli asked with wide eyes and the blonde tapped his nose playfully. "I think he likes when you read to him too much for that, Eli."
With a final squeezing hug, Quinn stood up the smile not leaving her face. The day had been stressful to say the least, but standing here now with the kids lobbying for her attention, nothing else mattered. "Is everyone ready to go? Your mom invited me over for dinner and we have a book to keep reading."
GENERAL NOTES → Answering the harder questions and working on resolution.
RACHEL: Curse Matt and his terrible psychic powers. The hour after getting back from dropping off the kids, she received a text from Quinn, asking if she had time to talk. She would do just about anything to make sure they could salvage their friendship, but she knew it would take a lot of talking. Real talking, not whatever they did before when the two of them went out to dinner and decided they could start working on being friends again.
No, that was just brushing the tougher stuff underneath the rug so they could move on with their life. If they wanted to move on, either together or as friends, they needed to reopen old wounds and let themselves feel the guilt and the hurt that they had been harboring for years.
Rachel arrived at the coffee shop fifteen minutes early and grabbed a table in the back after ordering a latte for herself and a hot coffee with cream and vanilla for Quinn for when she arrived. It never hurt to be a little early and she thought it would be poor taste to be pacing in front of the coffee shop, looking eagerly for the blonde. The talk was ten years in the making, words that Rachel had wanted to say from the moment she left Quinn and she wasn't sure she was ready to say them. But it was time. It had to be.
QUINN: Her feet felt heavier with each step Quinn took toward the coffee shop. From the moment she had hung up the phone with Santana she knew this conversation was inevitable, needed if she and Rachel were to ever be able to move forward in a real way. Opening old wounds and really getting at the heart of the issues, her insecurities, was the only way to build anything lasting. Ten years ago, she had let herself be pushed away. A week ago she had been the one to walk away, run away really to avoid being hurt and yet spent each hour rolling around in pain of her of doing.
Quinn dreaded this conversation, the things she would hear as the most difficult questions were answered, but it was rip away the band aid now and truly forgive or decide to walk away for good. There was no middle ground, no way to compartmentalize their relationship to avoid the past hurts. Being around Rachel and the kids, she had felt more in those moments than she had allowed herself to feel in ten years and that was what made this conversation worth the inevitable pain.
She smoothed down her slacks, an upgrade from the sweatpants she had worn up to the point Rachel had agreed to meet, yanking the door open and walking inside. Emotion welled in her throat as her gaze landed on the brunette at the table in the back. She looked as if she too was worn thin from the weight of the last week, still so beautiful but lacking the light Quinn had been accustomed too over the past couple of months. Stepping to the table, she reached out a shaky hand and placed it gently on Rachel's shoulder hoping the simple gesture would ground them enough to handle this difficult conversation. "Hi."
RACHEL: She was so caught up in worrying that Quinn wouldn't arrive, that she didn't even notice that the blonde was right in front of her until her hand was on her shoulder. "Hi," she said softly, her heart aching in her chest. She hadn't prepared enough for today, but there was nothing she could do. They needed to talk about the toughest things and she knew it wouldn't be easy. The breakup would be a piece of cake compared. She pushed the cup of coffee to Quinn's side of the table, "Light cream, vanilla syrup."
Those were the only words she could think to say. How did they begin this? Did they ghost around small talk for a bit and ease their way into the tougher topics? Or did they jump right into it? Matt's words echoed in her head and she just let out a breathy chuckle amidst their awkward silence. Quinn looked rough, just like Rachel felt, despite how beautiful she appeared outwardly. Rachel could see it in her eyes and she was sure the same overwhelming emotion reflected in her own.
"I want to start off by saying I'm sorry," she said, toying with the sleeve of her coffee cup, "not for the kiss but for the way it happened. It was foolish for me to think we could just pretend that we didn't have significant history behind us."
QUINN: "Thank you." Quinn motioned to the coffee. Throwing her coat over the back of the chair, she slid into the seat and exhaled a soft sigh immediately grateful that Rachel started speaking before she had to find an opening of her own.
She opened her mouth to argue that an apology wasn't necessary, but closed it again knowing this would likely be one of many apologies, heartfelt ones, issued before the end of this conversation. "I'm sorry too, but not for the kissing either. Pushing you away like that, leaving, it wasn't entirely fair to you."
Quinn took a sip of her coffee and drummed her fingers on the table for the briefest of seconds as she contemplated what she needed to say next. Meeting Rachel's gaze, she offered a small smile before taking a deep breath and throwing herself right into the deep end. "I need you to know that these past couple of months, the premature attempt at friendship have meant so much to me. I've looked forward to seeing you each and every time we've made plans and being with you and the kids, I've felt more complete than I have in the longest time. I don't want to lose you, but we can't keep pretending the past doesn't exist for us. Not if we want something real to develop again."
RACHEL: Quinn apologized as well and Rachel knew that they both were sorry. Both of them had made an error, it wasn't just one sided. It took two to tango and they'd both chosen to ignore the deeper issues and both decided that kissing for more than just a quick peck would be a good idea. And it had been for half a second until reality kicked in.
She met a pair of hazel eyes across the table and Rachel returned Quinn's light smile as she took a sip of her coffee. "I - yeah," she nodded, glancing down at the table briefly as she took a breath, "things have felt like they're falling into place but only because we've been pretending like we don't have all of these unresolved issues. We need to just accept that this conversation isn't going to be fun, we both know that, but we need to just be adult about it and have it because I want you to be a part of my life Quinn, in any way you'll have me."
QUINN: "Isn't going to be fun?" Quinn laughed easily for the first time in a week and shook her head. "That might be an understatement."
Quinn looked down at the table wishing she had spent more time planning this. She had expected Rachel to need more time to settle the kids or something but here they were. "If I'm honest, I don't know where to start. There are so many questions and issues, beginning is a challenge. But it's probably best that we start with those before trying to define who we are or can be. Am I even making sense right now?"
Emotion rolled heavily in her stomach and she was grateful they were limited to just coffee. "If I want to start really trusting you with my heart. How do we get there?"
RACHEL: They shared a mutual laugh - no, it wasn't going to be fun and yes, it was an understatement. It was going to be quite possibly the most difficult thing she'd done and she'd given birth twice. Rachel took her time, taking a sip of her coffee as Quinn spoke. She didn't know where to start either. From the beginning? How far back? How deep were they getting? She had no idea what to expect.
"You're right," she agreed as Quinn said she had plenty of questions. Rachel intended on answering them with as much honesty as she could. It wasn't about sparing feelings or gaining a friendship - it was about getting over the past no matter what. That was the only way they were going to be able to move forward.
"I don't know how we get there and I don't know where to start. I wish I could have some sort of foolproof way to earn your trust, I really do. I...you have no idea how much I regret what happened between us. How it ended, why it ended, that it ended. I know the words mean nothing, but I'm more than willing to answer any questions you have. I want us to figure out how to move past what happened, together."
QUINN: Clasping her hands together on top of the table, Quinn stared at them unsure of what to do next. This part of the conversation had been had. Rachel had expressed regret at that initial dinner and it wasn't as if Quinn didn't believe the sincerity of the words. It was because of that dinner and that apology that Quinn had willingly let herself fall into the easy patterns she had, but obviously that wasn't going to be enough.
Suddenly overwhelmed, the weight of the last week still so heavy on her shoulders, Quinn felt the potential for tears to start flowing. It wasn't surprising really. She had cried for hours until she had worked up the courage to call Santana and even after the tears would come on unabated and without warning. Holding up a single hand she stood up deciding she needed a minute to collect herself. "Let me get water and some pastries. Be right back."
Away from the table, she drew in a deep breath and willed the knot of emotion in her throat to recede. Ordering a large bottled water and an assortment of things they would both probably push around on the plate rather than eat, Quinn tucked two glasses under her arm and carried them as carefully as possible back to the table.
"I believe you. I do. I know you regret the circumstances of it ending. If I didn't, there is no way we would have continued to get closer these past couple of months." Quinn poured a couple of glasses of water, sipping slowly, until she felt a little more in control of herself. "For months after you broke it off, I spent night and day on Santana's sofa with her forcing me to eat, waiting for you to come back and say you made a mistake, to say some of the words you are saying now. But you didn't come back, you didn't reach out and Santana decided 3 months of that mess was enough. She kicked my ass, forced me to start putting myself back together. The graduate school catalogs should have been my first clue that she was sick of me."
With an uneasy, humorless laugh, Quinn sipped at her coffee alternating between it and the water. "I blamed you, and I blamed Matt and it's obviously pretty deep seated. I know I'll need more details than before but I don't know what to do with them. We were supposed to have a family, Rachel. We talked about, day dreamed over, reading to the baby, 3 am feedings, raising them together but that's not the way it happened."
Looking up, she met Rachel's gaze for the first time since she started the word vomit. "As much as that realization stings, we can't change the past. Had we stayed together, I would probably be working as an editor of text books instead of teaching and doing something I love to do. I needed the push to be something other than Rachel Berry's supportive plus one. We would have found a way to have a family, but those two kids you have are perfect. I adore them and have missed talking to them this week." Quinn rolled her lip between her teeth, running out of steam on her stream of consciousness outpouring. "You better take over or I'll keep babbling and I don't think I'm making sense anymore."
RACHEL: Quinn left the table to grab some water and pastries and Rachel was left with her own thoughts. How did she even start this conversation? She'd broken Quinn's heart once and it was the hardest thing she'd ever done. The last thing she wanted to do was relive those days and the pain and the foolishness, but they had to. If she wanted to salvage their friendship or to start to explore the potential for a relationship then they needed to finish breaking each others hearts so they could heal. They'd never gotten any closure. Just Rachel walking away with a shitty explanation and no need for conversation afterwards.
Quinn returned and Rachel stayed silent. The ball needed to be in Quinn's court. She needed to guide the conversation first and Rachel would happily follow along. The tears stung her eyes as Quinn spoke about the months following their breakup. She'd heard from Santana, run into her in the city and nearly gotten herself killed by the girl who ran at her with a Starbucks cup and yelled about how ridiculous she was and how stupid it was to let Quinn go and to break her heart so carelessly. But what she didn't know was just how deep it was. Months on Santana's couch?
They were supposed to have a family. They'd picked out names for their children and discussed who would carry them, would they adopt, how they would discipline...they'd talked about it all - about how a wedding was in their near future and how happy they'd be. The lump in her throat was growing and she swallowed it back as Quinn finished speaking. "I regret everything," she said with a humorless chuckle, "aside from the decisions that I made that gave me Grace and Eli, of course." She cleared her throat, glancing down at the table as she fidgeted with her fingers before meeting Quinn's eyes. She needed to look into Quinn's eyes. "I was young and I was foolish and I was buying into what they were feeding me. I believed my management when they said that if you and I stayed together that I never would've had a career after my first musical. It was so scary, Quinn, to have a taste of something I'd worked my entire life for and being told that was it and being given an opportunity to change it."
She sighed, "I know it sounds ridiculous now, trust me. I've spent many a night trying to rationalize with myself that you and I weren't meant to be together and that Matt was the perfect leading man who understood that I had to put my career first. But no matter how I word it, it makes me sound shallow and stupid and that's exactly what I was." She shook her head, "I broke your heart and it killed me, Quinn. Every single day I hoped that I would run into you, so I could apologize and try and make things right. But I couldn't bring myself to go to you. I couldn't bring myself to throw away my career and by the time I realized that it wasn't an ultimatum, that I could still be successful and be happy...it was far too late."
QUINN: Holding Rachel's gaze, seeing the pain and guilt swirling in her eyes was just this side of too much. She wanted put her hand on Rachel's and tell her everything was alright but she couldn't brush this away simply to make things easier. Nothing about the situation had been close to alright. Quinn's heart had been shattered in a million pieces, the one person in her life who she thought would be in her corner forever had ripped the rug from under their feet and left her floundering with her trust in tatters.
"Too late because you were married with two kids, yes? You chose to be with him and stay with him. Explain it to me. Please." Quinn felt her eyes sting with unshed tears but she refused to look away. "I don't know what I would have done if I had run into you after that. Some days, I used to think I was vindictive enough that I would have screamed at you and been a total bitch. But I other days it felt like I would forgive you anything if you came back to me. I was young and dumb enough to believe it could have been that easy. Where we are now, talking like this after my insecure and childish dash out of your apartment, that just proves even then it wouldn't have been alright."
With a muttered fuck it, Quinn reached over and took Rachel's hand in hers needing some sort of security as they continued to talk. God. The next question on her lips was scarier than almost anything she could think of, but she had to ask. "What changed? Why .... why did you break up with him? And ... why did you call me?"
RACHEL: Rachel wished she had an easy answer for things. She had chosen Matt. He was easy, he understood her need to put her career first. But so had Quinn. She'd been the most supportive person in her life, had walked her to countless auditions, and had been her number one support system. But her agent was persistent and persuasive and Rachel was an impressionable young actress with wide eyes and big dreams. She let out a soft sigh, shaking her head. “The relationship Matt and I pretended to have just kept going long after you and I broke up. He was dating other people behind the scenes and I was still heartbroken and it was so difficult to pretend that he and I were in love. Slowly, over a year or so we realized that we weren’t pretending anymore. We were spending every day together, on and off stage, and eventually we decided to see what it would be like if he and I stayed together. By that point I knew there was no chance between you and I, I had messed up far too much to even think about calling you. Things with him were just…it was easy.”
Rachel took another sip of her coffee, looking across the table at Quinn. “He and I were best friends for a long time and it was beneficial for our careers to be together and he understood what sacrifices I had made for my career.” She bit down on her bottom lip, reigning in her thoughts for a moment before continuing. “He and I were happy for a long time. We were caught up in our success and accepting that we were alright with one another. I guess we’d been playing the roles so well that we started living the part. The two stars with the perfect family was supposed to be the dream and I know any girl would’ve killed to be in my shoes,” she said with a small smile, “but we both knew it was a sham. The two of us knew that we were just fooling ourselves. I wasn’t the person he deserved and he knew better than to think that I was happy with him. It was rough for a while. We wouldn’t speak, we let the hostility of who we weren’t take over who we were."
Rachel shook her head with a humorless laugh, "It...it was the best thing for our family and for our kids to acknowledge that we never were that happy couple, madly in love."
QUINN: There was no pretending hearing this didn't hurt her. Quinn felt each word in the pit of her stomach almost making her nauseous. She wanted to stop listening, to beg Rachel to stop talking about /him/ but she needed to know, she needed to hear all of it. Quinn found a measure of satisfaction in Rachel being heartbroken over their break up, that she hadn't been the only one hurting over the demise of something she had invested so much of herself.
The thought of Matt and Rachel together in real sense stabbed at her heart but as she really listened to Rachel's words, she could admit she understood the progression for the first time, could understand the comfort and stability he provided. She also heard Rachel's fear of rejection by Quinn, fear that she wouldn't have been able to let Rachel back into her life at that stage. Quinn had admitted that possibility moments before and had no argument. "To clarify, you loved him but realized you weren't really in love with him? And he the same with you?"
Quinn sipped her coffee and broke off a piece of the chocolate chip cookie, but merely held it between her fingers as she played the conversation back in her mind again. "Hearing the kids talk about him, the way they adore him, he must be a better person than I wanted him to be. I'll admit I never gave him a chance, never wanted to get to know him when the pretending to date first started because I hated what he represented. When my biggest fear played out in front of my eyes, I put the blame on him because I couldn't find it in me to blame you entirely."
Quinn brought that bite of cookie to her mouth finally but didn't taste much of it as her nerves were still on edge. "Are things between you better now? Less hostile?"
RACHEL: She nodded with a slow breath, the conversation was much harder than she had initially expected it would be. "There was a point when I'm sure I was in love with him. I let myself accept that he was who I was going to be with and, in the spirit of full honesty, I know that I was happy with him when we were young and raising Grace. Around the time Eli came was when we started to really piece together that we weren't a good fit and no amount of saying we were could make it true."
She paused as Quinn spoke, doing her best to take in every single word and understand where she stood with everything now and then. The kids did love Matt and Rachel knew he was a wonderful guy, just as caught up in the lime light as she was. He'd done a little to get to know Quinn in the beginning and, over the years, he'd question whether or not Rachel had any regrets over everything. It was a conversation they didn't have until the divorce and all he'd said was that he already knew and had known since the beginning.
"He's a great friend now. We're getting there," she said with a small smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "it's a process of course, but for the kids sake we know its best if him and I are on the best possible terms." Rachel drummed lightly on the top of her coffee cup as she glanced out the window for a moment. "He knew before I did that I'd never gotten over you," Rachel met Quinn's gaze once more, "I think that was one of the main reasons I decided to call you. Even when Matt and I were not on good terms in the midst of a divorce, he'd sit down and tell me not to throw away an opportunity to fix past mistakes. He's a good guy."
QUINN: "Ten years is a long time, Rachel, and you were with him in one or another the entire time. Even not with me, I would want you to be happy." Quinn offered a small but sincere smile of her own. "Working through the hostility and being friends again speaks volumes about both of you and the way you feel about your kids. There is no way that would be a bad thing."
Her eyes widened a little as she processed Rachel's next words. "He did? And... do you? I mean, are you still not over me now?" She looked expectantly toward Rachel sitting on the proverbial edge of her seat for a response but the next question couldn't wait. "My gender is still the same. Are you ready for any fallout that might result from being in a relationship with a woman, with me?"
RACHEL: She was nodding in agreement, along with Quinn as she spoke. Ten years was a long time, agonizingly long. Long enough for her to cycle through her mistakes with newfound understanding and a certain maturity that came with age and life experience and understanding her motives and the errors of her ways. Was she over Quinn?
The easy answer was no. Obviously no, she'd jumped at the opportunity to kiss her the moment Quinn had stepped into her bubble but it was far more complicated than that. There was a reason they hadn't worked before and Rachel knew that was mostly because of her foolishness and immaturity. Quinn's next question threw her for a loop and she felt her stomach flip and flop inside of her. Was she ready for any fallout? She should've been the first time around and it was something she'd mulled over for so long. It was a heavy question, with an even heavier answer. She'd walk away from it all if she could go back in time. The Tony's, the roles, it was wonderful and a dream come true. But she would've given it all away to keep from breaking Quinn's heart. Those words weren't nearly as easy to say as they were to feel.
She held Quinn's gaze, expression steady and even as she continued to tug on the cardboard of the coffee sleeve, "I made a big mistake the first time around, Quinn. A lot of beautiful things happened as a result of that but that doesn't take away any of the regret or the guilt that I've felt since I walked away from you and from us. I was misguided and impressionable and I can assure you, though I don't expect you to believe me anytime soon, that I wouldn't be sitting here if I hadn't already thought about the potential repercussions."
QUINN: Tears clouded her vision and Quinn wasn't certain exactly why at this point. The only thing she knew was that they weren't a bad thing, simply overwhelming. Dropping her chin to her chest, she inhaled deeply and broke off another piece of the cookie buying a few more seconds to rein herself in.
"Is that a yes then? You're willing to take the risk of a hit to your career at this juncture if it came to that?" Quinn forced herself to look up again, to find Rachel's eyes and hold her gaze even if it meant exposing the intense emotion flowing through her. "I can't pretend I'm not terrified to consider where this might go between us, but Santana pointed out to me I've already let you back in. Along with calling me a dumbass, she forced me to accept that we aren't capable of being just friends. Boundaries between us are a joke at best."
RACHEL: Her eyes didn't leave Quinn as the blonde looked down. She wanted to be in Quinn's head, to understand what she was thinking and where she stood on the entire thing. It was a moment Rachel never thought would happen, a moment when she would be given an opportunity to actually start to truly right the wrongs of her past. A time when she could back track to the fork in the road when she'd picked the wrong path. Quinn looked up again and the emotion in her eyes made the nerves swell more inside of her, chills running over her body and down her spine.
"Of course Santana said that," she murmured, a smile peeking onto her lips after a moment. Boundaries between them had only existed when the two of them were physically apart. The moment they stepped into each other's worlds, anything was fair game.
"It's a yes, Quinn. I've had a wonderful career and I'm under contract for my dream role, but I'd throw it all away in a heart beat if it meant you and I had another chance," she said softly, reaching up and brushing away a tear before it could slide down her cheek, "I want you to be able to trust me again, because walking away from you is the biggest mistake I ever made."
QUINN: Quinn exhaled a relieved breath and turned her cheek into Rachel's light touch. "I want to trust you, but you have to acknowledge it won't be easy. None of this will be easy and the stakes are higher this time. It's not just the two of us, there are the kids, Matt, and your career, my career too."
Reaching up, she stroked her fingers over Rachel's against her skin and closed her eyes. "So we're doing this? Before you say yes, you should be aware Santana expects to give you the talk. Factor that in to your answer."
RACHEL: Quinn's skin was softer than she'd remembered from the previous week and she brushed her thumb gently over her cheek bone as Quinn reached up to rest her hand over her own. Turning her wrist, she took Quinn's hand in her own and brought their joined hands down to rest on the table. "It won't be easy. There's far more on the line than just our hearts this time and I don't take that lightly. But the reward is far worth the risk Quinn, it always has been. I was just far too blind to see it."
A quiet chuckle passed her lips at the comment about Santana and she shook her head with a playful roll of her eyes, "We're doing this. Santana can give me the talk, intimidate me all she wants, but that doesn't scare me the slightest."
QUINN: "I don't take it lightly either and I'll fight for you - even in if I'm fighting against you." Quinn squeezed Rachel's hand in hers feeling lighter than she had in longer than she could remember. This touch wasn't accidental or something to question, it was the beginning of their next journey.
Eyes widening comically, Quinn snorted out an unladylike laugh. "That is a huge honking lie. Santana scares me on a daily basis and she's my best friend. Motherhood and her saint of a wife have calmed her Lima Heights a little, but it's not going to be a pretty talk. Your bravado is appreciated though and I won't let her be too much of an ass. Promise."
Quinn smiled broadly, the most genuine and heartfelt smile of the evening. Not ready to have the evening end, she decided to take a chance. "Are you still free until tomorrow afternoon? Want to take me home, watch a movie, and cuddle? A tequila free zone."
RACHEL: Rachel laughed along with Quinn. God, she knew she was so scared of Santana. The woman was unwavering in her friendship and she'd gotten a taster of just how strong of a bond she and Quinn had when they'd broken up so long ago. But now, now Santana had watched Quinn put herself back together and then Rachel just swooped back in and pulled Quinn back into her life. Santana wasn't going to go easy on her and she didn't expect it, but it was more than worth it.
"She's a great friend," Rachel said with a quiet laugh, giving Quinn's fingers a squeeze, "let her go all out. I probably more than deserve it after everything. I'm sure she's already preparing to scare the living daylights out of me."
Quinn's smile lit up the entire coffee shop in stark contrast of their entire discussion filled with heartache and stress. It was far from being over. They were going to have to work every day until the trust was back, but Rachel was more than ready for that. "I would love that, Quinn. I feel as though we could use a night just the two of us. The first step to figuring this whole thing out. No tequila."
QUINN: "No no no. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy and you are far from that. But we can humor her a little. With any luck the ninja turtle will have kept her up and she'll be grouchy but too tired to have much bite." Quinn rolled her thumb over Rachel's hand knowing she wasn't going to let go until she absolutely had to.
"Baby steps, right? I want to remember every part of tonight, to cuddle without it being accidental. Though that means keeping our pants on and not putting your bra in the refrigerator. Think you can handle that?" They still had an a few pastries on the table but Quinn couldn't be bothered to pack them up. "Your place or mine? You can borrow lounge clothes at mine. And we can stop for Thai..."
RACHEL: "I think I can handle her," she confirmed with a small nod. She hoped for the best at least. It would all be worth it. Rachel took another sip of her coffee, finishing it up with her first real wide smile of the evening. "Baby steps," she nodded as they stood, their hands still firmly clasped together. She'd missed the little things and she wasn't about to end their moment prematurely.
"You mean I can't drunkenly strip for you? Where's the fun in that?" Rachel smirked, letting out a quiet laugh as they grabbed their trash to toss in the nearby trash can. Her hand was back in Quinn's as soon as she could and their fingers laced together naturally, "Your place? Mine is riddled with toys right now, it's quite embarrassing." They stepped out of the coffee shop and fell into pace together naturally, "Thai sounds delicious. Be careful with offering up your lounge clothes, I have a tendency to steal t-shirts accidentally. Just ask Kurt."
QUINN: Rachel's hand in hers so naturally might actually be worth every second of this afternoon's emotional conversation, every heavy question and answer as long as the end result was being able to feel this connected. "Nope. No drunken stripping. The next time you strip for me I want to remember every single second in vivid detail." Shaking her head,Quinn felt a blush creep up her neck to paint her cheeks in a warm shade of red but the words were out before the could stop them and they weren't untrue.
"Mine it is, but be warned it's not exactly tidy." Quinn tugged her coat closed a little more with her free hand and stepped inches closer to Rachel as the wound down the street toward the thai place on the corner near her apartment. "You looked better in my Yale shirt than I did, so it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
A half hour later, the pair were settled on the floor by the coffee table their backs leaning against the sofa, knees touching despite being tucked under them. "Anything you are in the mood to watch tonight? Maybe The Heat or something funny."
RACHEL: Her blush rivaled Quinn's at the small comment about her stripping and she ducked her gaze as they began to walk down the street. The next time she stripped for Quinn, she didn't want to wake up in a daze the following morning with her bra in the fridge and no recollection of the events.
She knew the shirt Quinn was talking about. It had been her favorite and she'd all but stolen it during their time together. It was the first one Quinn had bought during her freshman year and Rachel put it on on a whim during their first month of dating and for the following years it became hers, coming home with her after weekend trips to New Haven to serve as a reminder of her girlfriend. She'd left it behind during the breakup to keep the reminder of the heartbreak from reappearing in her closet every day.
It wasn't long before they were in Quinn's apartment, settled inside one another's bubble in the most wonderful way. They hadn't strayed too far since they'd left the coffee shop, bodies innocently touching in some way or another to preserve the contact they seemed to both desperately need. "That sounds wonderful," she said with a happy sigh, leaning back against the couch and tilting her body to face Quinn a little better, "I could use something light hearted after everything today."
QUINN: "No Nicholas Sparks? Nothing deep, meaningful and reflective?" Giggling, she knew there was no way either of them could deal with anything heavy at this point. The weight of the week and emotional toll of their conversation has provided more than enough drama for tonight and hopefully the foreseeable future.
Turning toward Rachel, head leaning back against the couch, Quinn lost herself in the moment. The food would wait as she memorized each little detail - the way a strand of Rachel's hair was tucked behind her ear precariously as if it could fall at will, Rachel's eyes still rimmed red from tears but no longer reflecting sadness and heartache, her lips curved upward in a smile that radiated outward expressing the general level of happiness and contentment with where they were right now. Quinn's gaze flitted to Rachel's bottom lip and back to her eyes.
"I want to ..." The sentence went unfinished as Quinn inched closer and closer the distance between them disappearing until their lips touched in the lightest of kisses, a soft brush of lip on lip not driven by hunger or overwhelming need but an expression of the feelings tingling below the surface. This kiss, or kisses if she's honest, was everything they had not been ready for in Rachel's kitchen. Resting her forehead on Rachel's, Quinn grinned broadly a breath away from the woman's lips her heart beat strong and fast in her chest. There would be no running out tonight, no panic or terror, instead this was a baby step into their new relationship. "I've missed you. Especially the kissing."
RACHEL: The way Quinn looked at her set her skin on fire just like it always had. She could feel the familiar butterflies that fluttered in her stomach pick up their pace, flying in excited circles as she watched Quinn's hazel eyes trail over her face as if it was the first time she'd ever seen her and she felt the light blush tint her cheeks. She knew what was coming next - the way Quinn's eyes darted down to her lips momentarily before meeting her gaze, the way she leaned in so carefully and deliberately.
Her heart was pounding in her chest with anticipation. The last kiss hadn't ended well and she knew that they'd taken the first step into resolving so many of those issues, but this was another baby step forward. A much needed one at that. Quinn's lips were impossibly soft and Rachel made a mental note to commit this to memory, to savor the way Quinn;s lips felt against her own. Her hand rested over the blonde's knee as one kiss gently lead into a few more. They weren't hasty or hungry and stayed sweet and simple. Just how it should've been a week ago in her kitchen when they'd let their bodies take over their thoughts.
Her smile rivaled Quinn's as she pulled away and she let out a quiet chuckle, "I missed you too. More than just the kissing, but definitely the kissing." Rachel leaned back in to place one more gentle kiss to her lips as she let her fingers trailed down her forearm until she took her hand in her own, "Thank you for giving me another chance. I - just thank you."
QUINN: Goosebumps broke out down her arm in the wake of Rachel's fingers and Quinn practically trembled as their fingers were laced together once again. To sit there so closely, their thighs brushing against each other, felt like the most natural thing in the world. The anxiety over accidental touches, outside of the awkward tequila incident, should have been Quinn's clue that they needed to talk more about the past but she had not been ready to take those steps.
"As if I had another choice." Quinn caressed Rachel's fingers with hers and held her gaze again. "You've never not been in my heart. Even apart you've always been there. Pretending otherwise, not taking this risk, I would regret it for the rest of my life."
Quinn lowered her head, cheeks flushing at her admission. Her cheeks were a permanent state of pink when Rachel was around and she would probably have to get used to it. "How's your food? Once we're finished, I'll get out some lounge clothes and we can get comfortable. Stay the night? There is popcorn and cookies in it for you. Your favorite kind ....."
RACHEL: Their fingers laced together felt as if Rachel was coming home, as if she'd been waiting for years to feel this close to Quinn and little by little, everything was falling back into place. How it should have always been. Quinn's words made her heart soar and a deep blush painted her cheeks. It was strange getting to actually speak her mind around Quinn again, to be able to say the thoughts that had been deemed inappropriate and far too forward for their tentative friendship. But this was so much more, this was a tentative relationship and both of them knew that they were taking steps to getting back to being Quinn and Rachel.
"I don't think either of us ever really had another choice," she agreed, glancing down at their hands, admiring the way they fit so perfectly together.
The food! She'd forgotten about the food. A quiet chuckle left her lips and she nodded, "It's delicious, I'm sure." The thought of staying the night with Quinn wasn't foreign. In fact, they'd accidentally slept over together twice and both had brought a morning of confusion and awkwardness. Not today. Now it was a sober evening together, a sober night sleeping wrapped up in each others arms, and a sober morning of sharing coffee and maybe breakfast. "I'd love to stay the night," she said, leaning back against the couch as she reluctantly let go of Quinn's hand to take a bite of her food, "You don't need to bribe me with popcorn and cookies, though I'll definitely cash in on a late night snack."
QUINN: "You're sure, huh?" Quinn laughed gently realizing she hadn't eaten enough of her food to be certain either. Was it possible to eat and hold Rachel's hand at the same time? She hated letting go even for that split second not because she was worried the other woman would change her mind or run away, but more she simply craved the feeling of being that connected after fighting it for the past couple of months.
"I don't? Noted. No bribery necessary for Ms. Rachel Berry to spend the night in my apartment, but she won't turn down snacks." Quinn winked, grinning broadly knowing full well she was being a complete dork. Grabbing the remote, she cued up the movie and hit play letting it be the soundtrack for the remainder of their dinner.
Once dinner was over, they cleared away the containers storing the leftovers before making their way to her bedroom as Quinn rooted around for lounge clothes for both of them. Hers were easy enough settling on a worn t-shirt with the Captain American logo faded on the front paired with fuzzy dark blue pants with slices of cheese pizza on them. For Rachel, she pulled out the shirt she had been wearing the morning after their tequila debacle and an old Yale tee that was well worn and faded too. "You can pick between these two. I promised pants, but ... they are probably going to be long. Roll them up?"
Rachel:Dinner was peaceful, filled with light conversation and smiles as the two of them ate their meal to the background noise of the movie. They shared light laughter and gentle brushes of their hands together for the inability to keep from touching constantly. Quinn was like the first drops of rain after a drought and Rachel, just like she had been years ago, was hooked.
After they put away their leftovers, they made their way to Quinn's room and Rachel already felt far more comfortable than she had the last time she'd been in the room. She'd woken up after a morning of hungover cuddles and still was quite confused on the happenings of the night before. Tonight was different, she was hyper aware of her surroundings and every small step made between them. She pulled out two shirts, an old Yale shirt and the lounge shirt that she'd slept in over a week ago. "You know I'm partial to the Yale shirts," she teased, grabbing the shirt from the blonde, "it makes me feel like I went to an Ivy League as well."
A teasing grin pulled on her lips, "I don't mind rolling them up, but if that's your attempt at suggesting I don't wear pants then I'm going to have to pass tonight. No tequila to get me naked tonight." Soon she was changed into the Yale shirt and a pair of Quinn's pajama pants and the pair of them were climbing under the sheets. Rachel didn't waste a moment to slip her arms around the blonde, curling into her side. "I missed this," she said softly, smiling up at Quinn.
NOTES: Marley decides to let Santana take her virginity before it’s too late.
WARNINGS: NSFW.
Santana
When Marley had told her about this new Master and how she had made a deal to play a ‘game’ with her, she knew that time was running out. Even as the tiny brunette might not believe so herself, she was charming and beautiful by far, and Santana knew that it had just been a matter of time before someone would take and interest to her. Of course, she wasn’t in a place to deny someone this, but she could make sure that Marley’s first time would be special and something the girl remembered as safe and comfortable.
This wasn’t her usual setting. Santana got uncomfortable around too much intimacy, feeling like it made her weak to a point where she couldn’t breathe properly. For Marley, however, she would do it, simply because it was what the girl deserved and she knew that it wouldn’t make her weak to show kindness this time around. Despite not being into too fancy things, Santana had lit some candles around the bedroom she shared with the smaller brunette. It wasn’t too much to make it romantic per se, but it made the ceiling lamps uncalled for.
Santana had dressed up in a set of her favorite black lingerie, preferring to look sexy as hell while doing something that would feel a lot more personal than she would usually like. She had pulled her hair back and up in a ponytail, knowing that it would distract or annoy her during the night like this, and she had been leaning against the kitchen counter with a glass of red wine in her hand when she heard Marley enter the door. “Hi there, little one.” She said softly, her voice being a tad darker than usual, because she couldn’t deny that she was excited about this by far.
NOTES: Lucy and Rose pair up for the legillimency asigment and maybe even bond after seeing into each others minds. Written for aghprompt24.
LUCY:
Legilimency wasn’t anything new to Lucy and she knew that it wasn’t anything new to Rose either. They’d practiced the spell before and granted it wasn’t on each other but they had been successful at it. Thus it was with timid steps that Lucy made her way to one of the many empty classrooms the Castle had, wand clutched in a small fist as if she expected someone to jump out at her. The ongoings of the castle had startled her and walking around by herself was causing her to be more paranoid than ever.
So it was with that thought that she quickly slipped into an empty classroom, shutting the door behind her as softly as she could. Propping herself up on one of the tables, where she would wait for Rose, she proceeded to try and clear her mind. There were far too many things in her mind she wouldn’t want anyone to see, least of all a member of her family. But she’d already made her offer and Rose had agreed. There was no backing out, not when she’d pushed for it. Lucy could only be hopeful that her preparations would be enough to keep her secrets just that, her secrets.
After a long week out of town and a long weekend, Darren had come back to Bayview expecting things to continue going smoothly. He remembered the end-of-the-summer bash, where he had had a little too much to drink. Usually, he wasn’t that big of a heavy drinker, but the party was fun and he was enjoying himself. Then again... It was the end of the summer, so why not live a little? He and Tyler had bonded in a way that there really was no going back. After all, Darren always loved making new friends.
The fact that he was slightly nervous for this date was beyond him. Usually, he was pretty confident, and he wasn’t afraid of the negative press or what people would say about him. Yeah, he had gone through that a thousand and a half times that it really didn’t bother him. He’d laugh it off afterwards. Darren changed out of his outfit from that morning to wear something more “date appropriate” and sent a text to Tyler. He took a deep breath and sat down on the couch.
The whole summer had flown by in a blur and soon enough Remus had found himself hurrying onto the Hogwarts Express, trying to keep his hands to himself when he'd been sat next to Sirius for the entire journey back to school. They hadn't been able to spend nearly as much time together as they'd have liked over the break, but the only thing keeping him going was the knowledge that once they were at school they'd have more chances. They could escape to the Room of Requirement whenever they wanted and they'd perfected the art of sleeping in the same bed without the others noticing, so even if school was much more crowded than their homes they were at least guaranteed more alone time.
It was this thought that kept him sane during the first week or so of school. The teachers had thrown homework at them so fast that he hadn't even been able to blink, and then there'd been more Prefect duties for him to deal with, not to mention their plans for the first big prank of the year. All of this combined left very little time to actually relax with his boyfriend, in fact they hadn't been able to manage much more than a quick kiss in the Room of Requirement and the occasional sharing of a bed. There certainly hadn't been any chance of a repeat of the summer.
Eventually, however, there was a small chink of light, a break in their schedules. He'd raced upstairs after Muggle Studies, hurrying into their dorm and finding it blissfully empty. James and Peter had another class for at least an hour and a half, and their other dormmate was out for almost three hours, which meant they could actually be...alone. Remus wasn't expecting anything in particular to happen but the thought of just getting to curl up with Sirius without having to worry about who might walk in was fantastic.
He carefully placed his bag against the end of his bed and perched on the edge of his mattress, waiting for Sirius to appear. His pulse quickened and his skin prickled with anticipation.
