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Up in the air

I have to tell you something- I am scared. Tell me something new, and I am scared. If you dare me to do something, I will cocoon. Eventually I might end up doing it. But my first reaction, would be jerking you off. Even if I prep myself emotionally and physically, I will take millions of light years to let go off some of my steam. Thailand was one such experience. Though I visited Thailand with…

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#adventure #fear #Mother #ocean #para-sailing #scared #sea #Thailand

para-sailing in Catalina

#adventure #birthday #sea #horizon #para-sailing #boat #sun #film #vintage #personal

small rant.

so i had anamazingday, but i wanted to rant about something that sort of bothers me.

i went para-sailing today on a whim with my friend (it was my second time, her first) and it was so much fun. randomly just getting up, going to siesta key and going up in the air is one of the best experiences i've had in alongtime. it reaffirmed myself and it really helped me remember who i am, who i want to be and what i want in life. talking with her was so amazing.

side note: college friends areamazing. i've known her for like, 5 weeks and she's one of my best friends. i may not know everything about her, but it's amazing how incredibly close you can get to people in a span of a few weeks when you live right down the hall from them.

anyway.

then we get back and this punk kid is going to go to a party later and tells me all about how he drinks and stuff. i told him i don't - he says, and i quote - we can fix you. fix me? fix me? why the fuck do i need to be fixed because i don't drink? excuse you. i don't need to be fixed. i'm happy the way i am. i like not drinking. i don't need anything to have a good time, as today proved. going to a club and drinking and partying and being promiscuous or what have you is not my idea of fun. if that's yours, fine. but respect my free will and my desire to remain sober as i'll respect your right to go drink. just don't drive drunk, because then you could very well be endangering my life. but honestly, my idea of having fun when i'm young is not being stupid. it's not going to a place where i don't know anyone and being stupid and reckless and ridiculous because i'm under the influence. when i think of having fun as a kid, teenager, young adult, what have you, it's driving with the windows down on a sunny beach or driving under a blue sky with pasture around me. or it's sitting and talking to people and getting to know them. my idea of fun is being so whole-heartedly myself, learning who others are, and really being at peace ≈my idea of fun is going para-sailing on a whim, camping in the middle of no where, going fishing, enjoying the sun. my idea of fun and a good time and living life to the fullest consists of going places that i can see the world, i can learn more about the world and i can reaffirm who i am. it's not getting so wasted i puke. i want to remember my good times. i want to be wowed by the things i do, not be wowed by the amount of alcohol i can throw back. if i want to drink, i'll do it on my own time, in my own way, with people around me i trust. not because it's the socially construed way of being. not because everyone around me is or because 'things are more fun that way.' they aren't more fun that way, thanks. and honestly? i think having fun solely by going clubbing, partying, drinking, etc. or feeling the need to always be drinking when you go out somewhere is cowardly. it's the single easiest way to forget who you are and what you want to do. it's a good way to hide the fact that you might not know who you are and hiding the fact that maybe you're afraid to figure it out. because eventually, you'll have to face the music. you're not going to be able to be a 40 year old partier. that's mostly called an alcoholic. but hey, if you think that's what being young is all about, so be it. just don't make me out to be 'broken' if you don't agree with what i think.

and if you think that's wrong, if you don't agree with that, if you think that i need to befixedand that i'm not living up to the great standards of 'yolo', then fuck you. i don't need people like that in my life, thank you very much. if you want to do that, go do that to someone else. not me.

so yeah.

that's all.

#small rant #personal #drinking #para-sailing #yolo