#paradox.etcjournal

[imrllyhungry]

“I need to earn the right to ask for what I need.”

Oh god, that's literally what I grew up with.

"You’re allowed to leave something that once felt right."

stop right now☹️

[imrllyhungry]

ranty wanty

despite my fear and unnerved attitude towards hardcore acad kids (ESPECIALLY in Philippines), I js can't help but feel so bad at how they're doing mentally & physically. Like lagi kong nakikita ung mga mutuals/kaibigan ko ranting abt their academic life and how genuinely draining it is and I'm js so utterly bewildered kase alam ko na kung nandun paq sa pinas, I woulda been so extremely drained... not even kidding—baka pinatay ko na sarili ko haha T_T However, i wouldn't rlly know since I don't live there anymore. That's also why I often feel kind of guilty and much more inferior compared to these pple kase parang pag cinompare ko ung sarili ko & where I'm at, basically para akong tanga omygod. Like yes, I'm an honorary student here sa current country ko pero holy shet HAHA I wouldn't have been sa pinas.. and that grief often haunts me to this day as a burnout academic kid.

I do not ever wanna go back to that shit GENUINELY. I want to have more free time for knowing myself better and geeking and all of that nerdy stuff. I want to try so much more things but the economic + environmental system as of right now is so scary:'<

Anyways, a reason why I also dislike interacting w this try hard acad kids is bcuz they generally have a rlly unhealthy and toxic mindset... I personally don't like going to them for advice or such kase lwk hypocritical lang sila or they'd be layered w a condescending tone or intent.

[imrllyhungry]

sana piliin nila ako broo,, I need a job bad</3

[imrllyhungry]

"I really did want to make a difference. And then I started giving pieces of myself away and... I guess I gave away everything."

Oh Maeve☹️☹️ ur too real for this.

[imrllyhungry]

listening to Roblox trending songs from 2024 making me miss my Roblox phase SO MUCHHHH

[imrllyhungry]

Quotes <3 that hit crazy from "The 10 Things That Actually Changed My Life in My 20s" by Pearlieee in yt

"Figure out who you are, what you want, what actually makes sense for the way you're wired."

"Listen, you blink and you're 50 and you're still thinking about where you were headed. You're still thinking about where you're going and life has passed you by. You haven't even lived a bit because your whole life was about where you were going, not where you are." - honestly, this quote reminds me of that one thought I had where I probably would feel so much free to make my decisions if I was closer to death. that i'd ironically feel more ALIVE when I'm close to death's door than knowing that I've got 60 or so more years to live on. it doesn't feel crucial yet to do something I deep down really want, because I can do it in another time; what matters right now is what could benefit me in the coming years.

"It's why I know which advice to take and which to set aside. Know yourself. Know how you're wired. Everything else follows from there." - oh boy, how I badly needed to HEAR that. "Healing isn’t about being “finished or perfect” in the end. It’s about regaining movement where trauma created stagnation. You heal as you live, so you can actually live. Healing journeys are definitely not to be dismissed." - I saw this from a comment but I needed to include this here too omg

[imrllyhungry]

kinda noticing a bit of a regression on u.

[imrllyhungry]

i wanna do sm things T_T CRYINGGG huhu