A Letter on Parental Judgment : You Are "THOSE" Parents?
Dear Parents who have faced judgment about their parenting choices and those who have judged them,
To the ones who judge:
It’s true. Fully and unmistakably, we are “THOSE” parents. You know, the ones who are highly focused on the food selections of their children. The ones who focus on the quality of activity a certain toy gives to our children. The ones who are fairly critical on what TV shows are viewed by the tiny eyes in our household. You know, the ones that are organic consuming, attachment parenting, conscious buying, natural/homebirth childbirth advocating, homeschool promoting, self- researching decision makers who promote the respect of our (and others ) parenting decisions.
Yep, I said it. We are “THOSE” parents…
I know, you may be shaking your head thinking “she’s a hippie”, right?! I invite you to go ahead and think away. I’ve straightly called myself out on some of the things I’m likely to be judged upon (and have knowingly already have been). But as “crunchy” as you might think my decisions are, I can assure you we are much more alike than different. With that…excuse me while I take care of two small, crying children…..
To all who judge or have been judged:
Alright, if I’m being truthful, passing some type of judgment is a seed found somewhere in all of us. So, let’s set aside the differences and shed light on the realness of it all. My house is usually trashed with kids toys, dishes on the counter, piles of laundry that need to be done and/or put away. Most of the time my hair is in a ponytail, I wear sweatpants and the chance that I showered is slim. Most of the time I feel a sense of inferiority; I’m not as thin as I was, I no longer have a “career” outside of the house, and I’m lucky if I complete one task on my to-do list in any given day. I can say that my kids don’t have all the newest things, nor do I want them to. I don’t spend nearly enough alone time with my husband, there are days we get carry-out simply because I’m too tired to cook and I can honestly say that I have a hard time looking in the mirror at the post-baby body I now bear. Do you feel me?
Why is it that we feel the sense of a needed apology for our decisions or lack-there-of? Parenting has become a guilt trip and open game for judgment. If you ever feel guilty for giving your kids mac & cheese for lunch, not having enough money to buy them something they have asked for, or for your discipline choice in a moment of stress… DON’T! If you feel guilty for formula feeding your baby, letting your children watch TV so you can have a moment of quiet or wearing the same clothes for days at a time…DON’T! If you have been made to feel guilty for making decisions to be an organic supporter, natural parenting advocate, not wanting your kids to watch TV…so on and so on…. DON’T!
DON’T make excuses for the decisions you made that work well for your family unit.You are doing the single, most important job of your life by raising children. There are bound to be missed opportunities, failures, successes and questions of if you made the right decision on a given issue. Be proud of all you do! And if along the way you are made to feel oddly for your decisions, take a moment to reflect on them and ask yourself if you made them with the deepest of intentions and did right by yourself/family. If you can answer these truthfully, then you did exactly what you needed to do. Give yourself some credit and rejoice in the making it through another day of parenting.
We may have different styles, visions and make different choices but the truth is we are all on the same journey of hoping to raise well - adjusted children who become fully functioning citizens. Rock it, parents! Heck, treat yourself to a bowl of ice cream tonight to remind yourself you are awesome. (Although, likely you will be sharing it with other little mouths, ha!)
My Best,
-A Learning Lady-