#passive consent

[cuckolding-books-library]

At that point, it was undoubtedly obvious that your wife was ready and willing to have sex with your only guest—but you hadn’t done anything to try to block it. The message you were sending to your wife and your male guest was that you didn’t see yourself as manly enough to compete with him—and passively but undeniably consented to it.

[cuckolding-books-library]

Why had your wife’s bestie invited your wife and you to a party hosted by her boss? And, why did you decide not to make a scene, swallow it, and go home alone when your wife’s bestie told you, ‘My boss has asked me if your wife would like to stay the night after the party—he wants to get to know her a lot better. We are going to tell him that she would be very happy to accept his invitation’?

[sheisstrength-blog]

Consent and Its Monsters

For so long I’ve allowed a relationship that wasn’t built on the understanding of consent. If there was an understanding, it wasn’t of affirmative consent. In hindsight, that’s what I was attracted to. I liked that he knew what he wanted. Maybe not in the ways that would have created a more healthy relationship; the mental and emotional stuff. But at least he knew what he wanted physically. I didn’t know where I was with either, so he was doing better than I was.

He’s been taught, since a young age what he wants. He was taught through so many sources what and who he needed to be. He was taught to know what he wants and to know how to get it. Pop culture teaches us a lot. I mean, pushing a girl against the wall and kissing her would make anyone fall in love, right? Speaking from experience, I’d have to say yes. That close proximity, that beautiful little smirk, and that look of desire in his eyes, that’s what made me fall for him. 

Women are taught (just as early as men begin learning to be dominant) to be docile, to let men make the first move, to be attracted to that dominance. What I would never admit to my mom, is that I learned this too. Of course I still had that constant narrative form my parents teaching me the opposite, but the power of the media is beyond what many of us can comprehend.

I allowed for this unhealthy relationship because I was attracted to the exact reason it was so unhealthy. I wanted so badly to be equal, but couldn’t be at the same time. I wanted to be inferior. I wanted him to know what was best for me. So now it’s about unlearning. Unlearning this need to be inferior, this desire to be dominated, and this sense of craving to be understood without being heard. He cannot be my voice. I am my voice.  

Learning to be happy on my own, comes with learning to forgive myself. It all begins with recognition. I have to learn to accept the love I deserve and to be my own voice.