Angst, past nightmares, past captivity, anxiety, guilt, paranoia, fear for others safety, medical setting, military setting
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Elias grabbed his hand when they entered the elevator, code tapped out across his palm. Merrick’s eyes widened as the horror of the message sunk in. Wolf didn’t trust Anders. Didn’t trust Anders near them.
(But was Anders right? Were they too loyal to a man who tortured them? The angry defensive paranoia in his heart was tempered by the agent’s valid concern.)
“We need to talk this out.”
“No.” Elias tapped back. “Said he could hear us. In the room - I don’t trust it.” Merrick bit his lip and nodded. Where hadn’t Anders been?
The elevator doors opened to their answer.
“Fergie!” Elias sounded horribly relieved. “Did Harrison page you or…?”
“No?” The medic was genuinely confused, trying to step past them to the elevator. “I’m on call tonight. Was gonna head down to - ”
“Is the staff breakroom unlocked?”
Ferguson stared at Merrick, bewildered by the sudden request.
“I - yes? I think so? What’s going on? Is everyone alright?” Fergie kept pace with the pair, voice hushed as they sped down the hall.
“We need to have a talk.”
The three filtered into the cramped breakroom, Elias being extra paranoid as he scanned the hall before closing the door completely. Merrick spoke up as soon as the door latched.
“What do you mean we can’t trust Anders?”
Ferguson’s eyes darted between Elias and Merrick.
“Agent Anders? The CIA Internal Investigator Briggs specifically brought on base because we can trust him?”
“You don’t understand.” Elias’ voice was still hushed, desperate. Merrick tried to force down his own mounting panic. They only recently escaped a hell where even a moment of vulnerability meant pain or worse. He put a steady hand on the younger soldier’s shoulder and squeezed gently.
“Tell us what happened, from the beginning.”
“Wolf - Wolf was having a nightmare. A bad one - he was begging.” Elias didn’t elaborate, expression soured but breathing shaky. “I woke him up because he, he - it was bad. And he was upset and mad and I was gonna go back to bed with Harrison but he - Merrick, did you know he understood? The code?”
“No.” That was news to the captain. “Are you sure - ?”
“What code?”
“When we were there, Harrison and us came up with a code. We got in trouble for talking so it’s a pseudo-Morse something or other.” Elias explained, turning back to Merrick. “And Wolf apparently understands it enough to tell me we can’t talk because someone is listening.”
“I - is that really a surprise? I was under the impression Briggs was already monitoring your room after what happened to Wolf in holding.”
“He just…you didn’t see his face. Said we couldn’t trust ‘him,’ that he was dangerous and we needed to stay away, or we’d get hurt.”
“Elias…did he actually say he was talking about Anders?” Merrick hated to doubt the kid, but…it just sounded like Wolf was scared, half awake from a bad nightmare. Would he even remember telling Elias this in the morning?
“Well when I suggested Anders he fucking lost it and kept telling me he couldn’t, over and over again.” Elias was getting defensive, and the look Fergie shot the captain wasn’t helping. “You’re telling me you don’t think it’s weird that for all his snapping, Wolf wanted to talk to a stranger, alone? I think…I don’t think we can trust Anders. I don’t want to leave the Wolf alone with him again.”
“I'll check for any new injuries tomorrow.” Ferguson’s voice was soft, trying to sound nonconfrontational. “But - Elias - what are the chances Wolf was just…confused? Shaken by that nightmare? He’s been through a lot and this is a big adjustment for him.”
“I can’t - x” Elias shuddered, eyes begging the captain for support. Support he couldn’t give - not without more evidence. It pained Merrick to watch desperation morph to hollowed out acceptance. He hadn’t seen Elias so empty since they left that hell. “Maybe you’re right.” His voice was flat, tired. “But I can’t live with myself if you’re wrong about this.”
Merrick wrapped his arms over Elias’ shoulders, the hug grounding him enough to blink light back into his eyes as he looked up at his captain.
“I’ll sleep in the room tonight. We can take shifts keeping an eye on Wolf.” Elias nodded numbly, ignoring Ferguson’s attempts to coax him back out of his shell. Merrick dismissed the medic with a curt shake of his head. Elias was gone for the night. Even walking him back to the room, exchanging a brief coded conversation with Harrison, Elias stayed quiet and cold. He would be better by the morning.
I want to run away and wish everything didnt happen........
I dont know what to do!!!!... it gives me nightmares..
it gives me goosebumps.... i dont know how to solve it...
I dont want to hurt my love right now."
There was a season, frequency Im not sure, but it getting very frequest. I tend to remember, flashing back all my past memories with him, feelings same feelings, wishing I didnt do what I did.
I feel I am so stuck.
And I hate it.
I dont have any plans to look back or turn back or whatever people might call it.
It's like a paradise past that caussing me nightmares now.
It confused my heart even i am standing on my decision of what I have now cause JA is what I need, and I love him.
I am unsure why I have this.... maybe hormones??? I dont know...
But all I am sure, I was reminded by him, because God is telling me to pray for him too... and maybe somewhat to forgive myself too... or to ask for forgiveness to free myself...
Whatever it is.... Lord, I want to trust You. I will pray for him and for more confirmation from you of me and JA and you together till the end.
Who am I kidding ? Just cry. Even if it's over something pointless and small. Because you know, for that brief moment, The past almost felt real again. And the terror that you thought You fought through, Almost seemed like it never got defeated... Like it was just hiding all this time And it just came back to say, "Surprise. And you thought you could be happy." So cry, but just don't let anyone see you do it.
