Morgott - This is really the gist of your dynamic. You've fucked around so many times that Morgott was bound to snap. And snap he did. Time to find out, Tarnished. Next thing you know, you found yourself on the ground, looking up at the Omen's enraged face. And his angry, leaking dick. Oh. Oh. Need a little help there, Morgott? Guess he did, what with the way you're practically loving on it.
Mohg - You thought you were cute trying to fuck around but Mohg showed you he was cuter by making you find out. Too bad it comes with a side of orgasm denial and making you ride him ceaselessly as he reclines on his throne. Hah. Thought you did something there, didn't you?
Godrick - Fuck you, Godrick, okay? Just... fuck you. You don't know who's worse, you or him, but what you do know is that you tried him one too many times to the point that his multiple arms and hands practically rip your clothes off you and make you scream and beg for more. Bonus points for Godrick making you suck on two of his fingers to 'shut you up'. Not for long, you spineless bastard.
Godfrey - Um... lmao. Why would you even try him, love? He's a grappler at his core and you don't even try to wrestle yourself out of his grip. Your entire being goes slack when feel the telltale signs of his arousal press against you and by the Erdtree. No wonder Marika liked him so much...
Radahn - Well, you don't even finish fucking around before he has you suspended in the air, his tongue and fingers doing stuff to your body that you never thought possible. He told you he'd have you screaming his name. Don't know why you didn't believe him.
Radagon - He's soft-spoken as always. But there's an edge to his voice that makes you shudder, doubly so as he thrusts into you brutally. Ferally. The walls of your bedchamber reverberate with the sounds of his name. And all who has ears to hear knows Radagon has claimed his prize.
Varré - Varré is an ass so why not bother him? And so you do. And his response is to... not fuck you. Because that's what you weren't expecting. And so it turns into a game of cat-and-mouse and you're more than 1000% sure you two are going to hatefuck in the near near NEAR future.
Patches - In this scenario, it's the reverse. He fucks around because he wants to find out. He wants YOU to fuck HIM. He's glad you got the hint (finally) but did your epiphany have to happen while you're fucking him silly?
Godwyn - He's an adorable golden retriever that you never really took seriously until he fucking snapped. You didn't think the man was capable of fucking you senseless, did you? You were very pleased. And very satisfied. You also reveled in the love bites he blessed you with. And poor Godwyn is so flustered but you can't help but love the way his blush deepens when you flash him a lecherous grin. You'll have to do this often.
Misc. Tags/Info - GN reader, could be interpreted as any patches except Bloodborne, choking, Patches being Patches and reader is a petty souls player, canon typical violence, implied/referenced hate sex to occur post fic, friends to enemies to lovers-esque, manipulative on both ends ngl, very ambiguous to if it will actually turn out decently well, choking
WC - 655
Nsfw under cut
You were clearly too trusting. Turning your back to Patches only for a minute, looking over the ledge to see what laid below, only for his foot to be planted on your back before your face planted into the ground in the ravine below.
You grumbled as you made your way back up, slaughtering monsters in your wake, intent on confronting Patches with the hammer in your hand. Maybe you’d kick him off a cliff too. See if that sorted out his treacherous attitude.
The second you spotted him, the anger in your system flared up into overtime, you sucked in a breath as you approached him, foot falls becoming unconsciously louder.
He turned, his face quickly becoming nervous as he stood up from his signature crouching position. “Ah-ha - Friend, I’m so glad to see you safe!” His voice was shaky and quick as he backed up, hands up and open in front of his chest.
When you didn’t reply, but kept walking towards him, he seemed to get more nervous, shaking his hands all about and walking quicker backwards, closer to the ledge without even realizing it. “Now now, friend, we can talk this out. You and me, comrades in arms aren’t we? Two peas in a pod, one in the same, no need to get all angry at me.”
His mouth was curved into a tense and skittish smile, his skin stretching as it grew more wrinkled round the edges, his feet now dangerously close to the ledge. You reached him first, grabbing his clothing, then his neck, and you squeezed.
There was a huff of air forced out of his trachea, your joints straining and his hands reaching up to claw at your hands on his throat. You didn’t answer, you didn’t say a word, you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of being able to manipulate you, to play you.
He tried to step back, his face beginning to go red as he struggled in your grasp, but his heel felt the drop point just behind him. If he was able, you know he would’ve made some gasping noise, but all the air was being trapped either inside or outside of him.
And when he finally got a moment to breathe, hands plucking your finger from his throat for a millisecond, he made a pathetic gasping south, a high pitched squeak as he tried to suck in air before being cut off from it once again. But there was something strange about it, something that compelled you to lessen your grip only for a moment.
Again - he made that noise as you tightened your hands again. It was a moving sound, one that made you want to hear it again, one that made you want to choke him again, to not let this be your last meeting. In a moment of mental weakness, you released your grip on his throat.
He was set to stumble back, to fall off the cliff, his eyes in a glassy daze and his skin splotchy and red. It would be the perfect revenge, his karmic debt paid well and true, but you grabbed his collar and yanked him forward, and he limply fell into you.
Your other hand grasped around his back, keeping tight to his clothing, so if he tried to kick you off again, he’d fall with you.
It was a minute before he began to speak again, only panting in your arms, trying desperately to catch your breath. His voice was shaky and gruff, hoarse and rough around the edges, “Had your vengeance, did you?”
You didn’t reply, staring down at him, he didn’t look up at you. You hardly believed he felt shame, but from the strain in his voice, from the strain in his pants against you, maybe he did feel shame.
Finally, you said, “no.”
Patches' shoulders shook, whether it be excitement or fear, he didn’t try to pull away.
You looked over at a very bewildered Patches, who was uncharacteristic standing up. You forgot how tall he was.
"No," You corrected him "I said you COULD be dashing. IF"
"Ah but you see the possibility! That counts for something!"
Truthfully you did straight up describe him as dashing, you just didn't think the bastard would overhear you while talking to your friend. Your friend who unfortunately snuck off to give you the alone time you didn't want to admit you wanted.
He sauntered over to you, smug look on his handsome awful face, he easily towered over you. Your face flushed as he leaned in to meet your gaze.
"Now, I think I'm plenty dashing, but I suppose I'm always open to some constructive criticism. Tell me love, what am I missing?"
Nothing.
In a desperate attempt to one up him you gave him a peck on the cheek. It worked, Patches was red as a tomato.
Gods he was cute too.
"I need to leave, official buisness" You said waving around a wax sealed letter, "but I'll talk to you later about it."
You left Patches to think about this new development on your friendship.
The Ashen One hardly speaks, and there so happens to be a person they’ve never verbally spoken to before. Patches gets… creative with his ways of getting them to speak.
You didn’t take kind words to heart. Seldom was anyone honest, and less so were they looking to partake in the warm comforts of companionship. If there were ever a soul welcoming any sort of embraces, it was out of friendship.
So the moment he flirted with you after attempting to kill you, you stuck a knife to his throat. Oh, but he knew better. He lifted his chin, smirking all the while you let out your aggressions with acts of violence that lead nowhere. He knew better than to antagonize you while riled up, but the moment you let your guard down and allowed him to trade a few things with you, that was when he sprung his sickly sweet words.
You were purchasing incendiary bombs from him. He was doing well to stay within your good side, so you had no problem humouring him by listening to his banter.
“Tell me, love,” he began inconspicuously. The little pet names were signs of good faith, you figured. He wasn’t the first to use enchanting language with you. “how is it you get your eyes to sparkle like that?”
His question caught you off guard; so much so, you actually giggled. You looked up at him and raised a brow. Patches gave you a charming smile.
“Oh ho, my plan worked. You looked rather stressed, so I thought I’d make you laugh.”
You weren’t sure whether to deck him or thank him. You settled for shaking your head and rolling your eyes. His superficial compliment did lift your spirits, but his concern over your stress-level was so unlike him. You figured he was buttering you up to make a better sale next time.
Admittedly, you did end up buying a few more items than usual. Items you weren’t in dire need of, but figured they would come in handy later.
“Buying up all my stock.” Patches blew out air. “‘Suppose I’ll have to head out soon.” He mused as you produced the souls required. “You been to that moonlit place, Irithyll? Figure there’s any treasure?”
There was nothing that caught your eye that you didn’t already take. You shook your head.
“Damn.” He swore, and took your souls. “Should have figured there wouldn’t be any treasure there - not while you’re standing here.”
This time he did deserve a decking. Unable to muster up quite a powerful blow, you instead pushed his chest playfully as he chuckled at his own terrible joke.
“Come on, that’s worth something, innit? A little berating?”
You looked at him with a confused stare. It wasn’t until you realized you never played along, that it all made sense. He just wanted to hear you speak.
You grinned at him. You then opened your mouth, inhaled an exaggerated amount of air as Patches watched hopefully, before closing your mouth and shaking your head. You never intended to be silent around him. Your initial anger, combined with your personality to naturally favour solitude, left you a near silent figure in his life. You made sounds, sure, but they were merely the tiniest previews to your voice.
Patches groaned. “No need to tease me, love. Curiosity’s only natural when a pretty thing, such as yourself, won’t say nothin’ but a peep.”
You couldn’t help the sudden flush in your cheeks at his words. His flirting was never taken seriously, but then again, he’d never meant his compliments either.
Patches raised a brow, and the sly smile that grew across his face was completely involuntary. “I’ve never seen you turn that shade before. What’s the matter?” Patches pocketed the souls and took a step towards you. “Can’t handle knowing what I think of you? Just how much I fancy that stare of yours.”
His sure tone and words only amplified the heat in your face, and you took several steps back. You yelled at yourself internally for falling for his honeyed words, when in reality it was only a trick to get you to cough up more souls. It worked before, after all. Hamming up the theatrics was the next logical step to making a larger sale.
You harrumphed at him and spun on your heel to march away, much to his displeasure. You heard him calling to you from over your shoulder, but still, you remained firm on the idea that it was all a marketing ploy. It wasn’t until a peculiar conversation with one Sirris that you began to think that his compliments weren’t just to flatter you.
“I am certain the Shrine Maid can more than accommodate your need of a vendor.” Sirris offered a solution to the problem you told her about. “If the issue is of familiarity, she’s not nearly as callous as her front.”
“That’s not it at all.” You leaned close to her and whispered into her ear. The two of you sat on the steps of the rounded staircase that encircled the bonfire. Your eyes glanced up to Patches’ perch. You didn’t see any sign of his snooping. “I wish to show him that handing out swinish compliments to fill his pockets won’t work.”
“Is the issue his romantic theatrics, or your foolish arse for falling for his words?” Sirris whispered back with a grin upon her face. “Why are we whispering?”
“He said a most peculiar thing to me. After his latest showering of love, he confessed he’d never heard me speak. He hasn’t a clue what my voice is like, and tried to coax it out of me.”
“And did you speak?”
You shook your head. “Of course not. It’s the only thing I have against him, currently, and I don’t intend to give him the upper hand.”
“He’s vowed not to harm you, has he not? His pursuit may never cease if he doesn’t hear it at least once.” Sirris pointed out in a quiet voice. “He approached me,” she said, “claiming he had something in his possession that would suit me. He was very rude about the matter. Something tells me this isn’t merely a marketing strategy.”
“I’m sorry,” you shook your head. “but there is no way a treacherous snake would have genuine emotions.”
“Then why, in this terrible existence, would such a being gravitate his affections around someone keen to his tricks?” Sirris sat back as she watched you stare forward, blankly, taking in her implications. A small smile played on her lips. “I can… see how this may play into your favour.”
“Tell me.” You urged her, snapping out of your thoughts. Sirris scooched ever closer and pressed her lips to your ear, speaking so quietly as not to catch the attention of anyone.
It took roughly an hour of back and forth; of encouraging words and indulging on drunken daydreams, but it all managed to convince you. Convince you of what? Well… you weren't too sure, yourself. By the end of Sirris’ words, you came to the conclusion that you should hang your silence above his head and draw out the true meaning of his paying you selective niceties. Whether it led anywhere or not, you would find out soon enough.
We need cuddling headcanons for the iconic trio: Uendo, Patches and Kisegawa. They're wonderful characters and I love all three equally (though my gay heart loves Kisegawa just a lil more). - Keyes Anon ❤️️
(i got a lot of asks for minihm and i’m getting to them! just finished basically all of my schoolwork so i’ll hit these requests hard)
and yes this trio is just 👌👌
!! if i incorrectly gender any of uendo’s alters i deeply apologize !!
uendo is on the more chill side when cuddling. he enjoys it. being close to you is one of his favorite things. while he is already a very calm person, cuddling with you somehow makes him even more calm...? but it definitely helps him after long days performing to come home and curl up next to you!
out of the three of them patches is the most playful! he will tickles you while cuddling just to hear you laugh because your laugh is like honey to him. he likes to lay facing you and tell you funny jokes so he can watch your face as you smile~
kisegawa doesn’t dislike cuddling, but she doesn’t necessarily care for them very much. it’s not that she doesn’t like being with you or near you. she’s just very reserved with her true emotions. she doesn’t really wanna mess anything up. she’ll let you take the lead with it mostly. but if there’s one thing she knows for certain, it’s that she absolutely loves being in your arms and listening to your heartbeat.
hello!! may i request a gender neutral reader topping patches pls and ty 🙏🙏🙏🙏
𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐦!𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬
Bottomwhore!Patches who purposely wears his trousers tight so as to tempt you.
Bottomwhore!Patches who simultaneously flirts (to hell with him and that smirk) and plays coy with you in order to rile you up. It works. Tremendously.
Bottomwhore!Patches who, on one occasion, presses up against you and you feel the telltale signs of his arousal against your upper thigh.
Bottomwhore!Patches who absolutely, positively, fucking dares you to make the first move and claim him, and by the Greater Will, you do. Finally.
Bottomwhore!Patches who wholeheartedly enjoys the way you practically tear his clothes off of him in a frenzy.
Bottomwhore!Patches whose body is absolutely covered in love bites; his ass lovingly bears the marks of your handprint. And Patches fucking loves it.
Bottomwhore!Patches whose smirk makes way for lascivious gasps and moans, whose cheeks are flushed red, and whose voice, husky with desire, unashamedly says your name. ("Whose whore are you, Patches?") ("—Oh darling—FUCK! Yours. I'm yours.")
Bottomwhore!Patches who's proud of himself for making you snap and finally get around to fucking him, pushes against you and begs for more (and you inwardly rejoice because you wiped that damnable smirk off his face), and you respond by doing the opposite, stopping when he least expects it.
Bottomwhore!Patches who's finally on the receiving end, being teased relentlessly, his completion denied numerous times. You take some pity on him and start to fuck him mercilessly. The cries of your name are music to your ears.
Bottomwhore!Patches who's rewarded with his long-awaited orgasm. As you both rest, he kisses you with surprising tenderness. You grab his ass cheeks and he mewls in response.
Bottomwhore!Patches who can't get enough and that damnable smirk makes an appearance again. Patches goads you into another round and you can't help but groan. ("Fancy another round, darling? Think you got the energy for it?")
Bottomwhore!Patches who bites back a moan when you smack his ass in response. ("Think you can keep up, Patches?") This time, it's you who smirks. Patches' eyes widen slightly because his smile matches your own. Yeah, he was your whore alright.
Patches canoodling? 👀👉👈 I'm on the fence about whether he'd be a heat rock or a heat sink.
You woke up and immediately noticed Patches smirking at you. How long had the bastard been watching you sleep?
"Nice of you to join the waking world again, love," Oh shit, "Guess that last round really tired you out, huh?" You didn't know if you wanted to laugh or throttle him.
But even you had to admit the events of last night were very... pleasurable. And very tiring.
You were about to ruminate over last night's activities when Patches interrupted your train of thought with, "Fancy another round, eh?"
Oh shit. "Think you can last that long?" You received a lascivious smirk in return. You'll get to throttle Patches alright. With your legs.
Patches' Fuck Around and Find Out prompt got me thinking of confronting him after he pulls the shit with the teleporter trap and bending him over the very chest that got the Tarnished the first time sjhddjhrh
Patches when other people are Fucking Around and Finding Out and he isn't:
