The thing with Tamtawan that has me ready to forgive his wrongs is he’s a very specific character type that makes me insane (affectionate) and I will continue to forgive this archetype forever.
First, he’s been shown to struggle with direct communication any time it’s about feelings or something he’s not confident about. His job and his vision, will argue someone down. Defending Phi, all day every day. In every flashback where Phi has mentioned the two of them on a billboard, Tam seemed awkward and hesitant and seemingly has swallowed whatever he wants to say and has played it off with a joke or a I want that for you or you know I’m more interested in behind the scenes. In the current day, any time Phi tries to talk to him directly about why Tam has returned, what he really wants, why he left, Tam refuses to fully engage. He jokes, he pulls up the fact that Phi set the rule they would only talk about work. He tells Phi that he wants to have his show on a billboard and only wants Phi’s face on it (which is Phi’s dream), but we the audience know Yong called Tam and basically said you’re the only one who can save him and if you still love him come home and that’s why he’s here. And in this bathroom scene, after the you said we would only talk about work fell, Tam said he couldn’t talk about it yet (has been unable to for three years) and promised he would explain it all to Phi when he was ready. He knew he was leaving and he didn’t say anything at every chance he had. He’s also not let Pathapi into anything of his life really: where he went, what he’s done, where he lives now, haven’t been in his car. Even when he helped Phi cook, they did it at Phi’s condo. He didn’t let Phi drive him home.
Then we have the fact that everything he has done narratively this far, aside from their joint projects (though arguably those count as well), has been about Pathapi and his success. Every action we have seen Tam take is in service of Phi and not himself, even his bids for forgiveness and flirting exist in spaces and situations where he’s trying to protect Phi or encourage Phi to not take shit from Tae or the female producer. He’s fought to get them a production team, has been doing things to take care of Phi in the past and the present. When Phi asked him to leave if he lost the demo contest, Tam immediately agreed. He found a way around it. But he agreed that he would leave and Phi would never see him again. Like, his entire existence even his return is to help and support Phi. So…why did he leave?
Well, I’ve got theories but before we get there, Tam seems to suffer from a lack of self esteem that to me informs a lot of his choices. Not when it comes to work. Professionally he’s very confident and he’s very confident in Pathapi as a person and as a reporter. But when it comes to Tamtawan, personally? Hooboy. This man cannot fathom that his leaving broke Pataphi. He asked Gie what happened to phi with a straight face and she just looked back at him and said: you tell me? You left and it broke him. And Tam looked stunned. Same thing happened when Phi yelled at him in the bathroom. He said sorry, tried to defend with the “you said you only wanted to talk about work” before promising to tell Phi what happened. Tam has been very pleasantly surprised at any revelation that he still matters to Pathapi. And prior to people revealing that Tam broke Phi, from his perspective of leaving (we don’t know what happened between the text and Tam’s return) but Tam left and Phi’s dreams came true. Phi got to be the star reporter “Prince Phi,” he got his billboard and the condo facing it.
And from everything we got today for the run-up to Tam’s departure, I do wonder if all of these things wove together to give him a feeling that he would figure out the right way, time, place to explain to Phi what was about to happen. But there was never going to be a right way, right place, right time for we’ve been together for 5 years and I’m going to Australia. And I’m certain there’s more to it than that but…as a collector of gays who are trying to find the right place, right time, right way to say something and fix it all neat before coming clean…I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a very bungled attempt to protect Phi that did the opposite.
In ep 3, we get Phi talking about quitting and moving home to help his mom with the salt farm, Tam telling Phi he needs to not be so kind and roll over when other people don’t do what he asks and Phi saying he has Tam to take care of things for him (and Tam does take care of many things for Phi), and Phi’s mom’s food is helping them stay fed. All of that wrapped with Phi getting a chance to be on screen for the first time since Yong hired them… And I have so many questions about the very apparent codependency of their relationship and what Tam’s dreams actually are and how those were fed or starved by this relationship. I wonder what seeds might have been dropped by Tam that may have gotten glossed over. I do feel that Tam wanted Phi to stay with Good News. “Tomorrow, I need you to keep going no matter what happens.” Was the you need to not keep giving in for both of them, and the I need you to keep going? Did he worry if he told Phi, he would get talked out of going? I…the way he sobbed after he sent the text.
I just…sir, what the fuck? I want to pry him open and learn all of his secrets. But then this is part of Singto’s specialty.