#pathologized

[developmentalteachingstuff4me]

[aicidos]

hi.

HEYYY HI HI (with evil intent) can we write jjk please

[insolot]

:)

There's a voice. Then a face, then a pair of eyes. Then a smile. Then the lack of a smile.

And suddenly he's too aware of his body. The sharp bones and abused nerve endings, each little molecule of what makes him a breathing being lit up in a screeching cacophony of pain. Everything is so unignorably alive and thus, in pain; even the wound long closed running its jagged edges down his chest springs back to life. A phantom ache---no, not phantom, and besides, ache's too kind a word. It is burning and screaming and horrific in its irrefutable presence as the experience of pain. It is much too much and too present and too overpowering and he wants to scream, so badly does he want to scream, but in lieu of it he offers a smile, half-turned, a weak broken wing yet fluttering.

"Theo... Ah, Theophilus," he begins, the tone of his voice entirely devoid of its natural upturned chime. He is not there yet remains present nonetheless. A great gloom has overtaken what was once a pair of warm eyes; they have grown beyond what a kind of hollow dull could entail. Empty. Dead. Unsmiling. "I suppose I should've expected to find you here."

He wants to be elsewhere. He wants to be nowhere but here. He wants to be in a different room, different building, outside, six feet underground. He wants to feel the weight of Theophilus' arms around him, the steady sound of his heartbeats each marking another second of his life as it lulls him into a comfortable numbness. He doesn't know what he wants. And none of it matters anyway. "I... I am glad, though. I am."

This could be the last time, after all.

He considers taking a step forward, then grounds the waning weight of his body into a single place, locking his joints as if they were made of cold stone. But the mask still slips---his feeble smile falters further.

Vincent is a statue of a quiet saint chipping away in the wind; he is glowing with the particular sheen of sickness or death. There's a faint bite lingering on the left side of his neck, left by a mouthful of teeth that had marked him, not quite out of love or passion but the need to possess. It itches terribly under the weight of those eyes.

A display of needless cruelty he is an unwilling perpetrator of, his skin a pale canvas upon which someone else writ a statement of their superiority. Their victory, ever present.

The guilt stings as it should.

He thinks of Lupin, and of Nero, and of Amos, and it is then that he notices the lack of a wedding band on Theophilus' fingers as he is overtaken by a borrowed yet strangely personal grief, something he has no right to internalize as his own but does nonetheless. Because he is selfish, broken, tired, incorrigible, so fallible, and walking forward, then, step by heavy step, towards what is now just a ghost of an almost-lover. He is walking without the faintest bit of consideration for what his next movement could cause, how much it will or will not hurt - not knowing even what it will be.

There are voices all around them, none of them clear in his ears. They grow quieter with each millimeter of distance closed until they turn unrecognizable, until it is hard to tell if they even existed at all. Someone exclaims his name in the distance, their patience wearing thin. He overpowers the body's urge to flinch.

Vincent buries his face in Theophilus' chest and it is a punishment. He wraps his shaky arms around him and it is an apology.

No sob to stifle, no tear to soak into the material. He no longer remembers how to cry.

"For old time's sake," he whispers softly and if it was anyone else, he would not bother to assume they could hear it. But it's Theophilus. And he knows he will. The knowledge alone leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. "As good a farewell as any."

The click of a heel. Absence of warmth. Vincent is steadily walking away from Theophilus, not daring to look back. He slithers past faces familiar and unknown, past people he has spoken to and those that never thought to spare him a glance. None of them offer him a word.

If anyone notices the way he digs his nails into the vein just underneath the skin of his wrist, they do so in stone cold silence.

[nikolasongsa]

psychopathic rant I did whilst I read something from whoever it was

the post dissappeared apparently because I took my fine ass time

Like thaulf said, women "are just like that", but psychiatry is not the practice of listing mere 'personality traits' as personality traits, but disorders. The way illness is described is also different

the point of psychiatry is often to use it against those undeserving of it; cut resistance, to make people mad, and sell drugs and in general just muddle things that are actually real and have empirical evidence

+ using words like "bpd" is faggot language

Read any DSM and continue to be amazed. The audacity of them to list things like genetics, IQ and retardation and use it like retards themselves

gay notes for myself mainly

"Romans 7:17 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway’."

"Here are other words of this doctor who lived a century before Orwell wrote 1984. According to Heinroth, the psychiatrist

appears to the patient as helper and saviour, as a father and benefactor, as a sympathetic friend, as a friendly teacher, but also as a judge who weighs the evidence, passes judgement, and executes the sentence; at the same time seems to be the visible God to the patient…

“The biggest issue we faced during the time our daughter began to manifest problems (when she was five years old) was to convince the ‘professionals’ that she did indeed have a disease that was biologically based and not caused by alleged child abuse [or] bad parenting”

"I’m a 16 year old girl who has just gotten out of a ‘psychiatric treatment center’. I was there for over 4 months because I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder and Manic Depression. Borderline Personality Disorder is the biggest f— joke I have heard of. All it is a description of an immature teenager. Haha. I am also not Manic Depressive. The psych people there somehow managed to convince everyone that I was, including my parents. (‘She has severe highs and lows. And she’s impulsive too!’) They put me on lots of medication.

Perfectly normal people are kept in treatment centers. Perfectly normal teenagers. Nobody was crazy there. Not even one person. They were just teenagers with divorced parents. Or teenagers who did a few drugs. Or teenagers who got suspended from school. Suddenly we were all Borderlines, Schizophrenics, and Manic Depressives who ‘needed’ long term hospitalization. We also ‘needed’ medication. They put us on heavy doses of anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, antidepressants, anti-whatevers. I was the only patient who didn’t take the medication. I will never take psychiatric medication. I’ve tried it before. It does nothing except for turn me into a zombie. It dulls me out. Makes it so I can’t think straight. Everyone else took it though." 1996

"In the dawn of the 21st century the diagnoses that were used against her and her mates (‘borderlines’, ‘schizophrenics’, ‘manic depressives’) are as fraudulent as the diagnoses that the psychiatrists used in the 19th century (‘moral insanity’, ‘folie lucide’, ‘nymphomania’)."

"Psychiatrists are fond of stressing how much suffering schizophrenia causes. However, I can truthfully say being labeled a schizophrenic has caused me a hundred times as much suffering as the so-called ‘illness’ itself. Since recovering my sanity in 1961, I have spent decades struggling to gain some measure of self-understanding and self-esteem. In this regard, I never fully recovered from what psychiatry and my parents did to me until I finally realized I had never been ill in the first place."

(The same person who coined the term 'schizophrenia' coined the term 'autism')

"How, for example, can a psychiatrist validate his identity as a medical doctor without labeling others as mentally sick’, asks Modrow, ‘that is to say, without dehumanizing others and thoroughly destroying their identities?’

"Economics controls politics, so the pivotal issue is an economic one. To see what is happening, look at the textbook or manual called DSM-III, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, third edition. Translated into economic and political terms, mental disorder means undesired mental states and attitudes and behaviour […]

The criteria in the manual are very useful for controlling the population because you can bring them to bear on practically anyone if the occasion seems to demand it. Look at this: ‘Oppositional disorder’ is a very good one."

"In 1999 Professor Leonard Duhl of the University of California defined mental illness and poverty in the most perfect sense of the ideologists of the Great Confinement of the 17th century: ‘the inability to command events that affect one’s life’."

"If the philosophy of the biologicistic psychiatrists is right, all our passions, traumas and conflicts, loves and fears, are not the result of our desires in conflict with the external world, but of the swings of small polypeptides in our bodies that are transformed into despair."

"The primitive witch-doctor, who tried to understand Nature in human terms, treated objects as agents: a position known as animism. The modern witch-doctor, who tries to understand the subjectivity of man in terms of Nature, treats agents as objects: a position known as bioreductionism. Primitive man has been demystified in our scientific era. Who will demystify psychiatry doctors?"

"a mandate to strip anyone of their civil liberties […] to homogenize people who are out of line. Presented as a medical exercise, it is an undercover operation. "

"Personality disorders are diagnosed in 40–60% of psychiatric patients, rendering them the most common of all psychiatric diagnoses"

"First, concerning point (a) above, DSM-IV-TR already lists Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and countless more poorly defined and controversial diagnostic labels, all in large part oriented at defining as mentally ill the kinds of behavior that Dr. Diamond wants to pathologize further. But no psychiatrist intent on listing yet more disorders in the DSM should be blind to the risks of overdiagnosis, given the embarrassing amount of overlap that already exists among these disorders. "

[objects-food-rooms]

For years, I have written that I am broken

I have written a thousand times that I am broken, I have spoken that I am broken less but no less meaningless, I have pathologized the extent of it, I have renounced it, I have thought I am renewed, redempt, kept, countered, and exempt. I have thought I was aberrant class act cleaned up, a piece of work repurposed, I was wrong. I was wrong and have wept at the cause and meant the best intent but clearly, clearly I am no more content and only less adept at hiding that which is evident: I am and never will be clean and polished, never be clean, never be clean, never be clean. I can bleach and reach for higher grasp but that which is shed shall only come a haunted knocking and pull me down, down, ground.