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The Same Moonlight 9/11

Title: The Same Moonlight Fandom: SWTOR Rating: M - Implied sexual content Genre: Romance & Drama Summary: Cakara’s life has been a combination of bad luck and bad choices. She’s on her second fresh start, but maybe this one isn’t as fresh as she thought it would be. Parts: one two three four five six seven eight Notes: This won the poll over on my patreon for February. Glossary at the end.

Vee’s tent is warm and quiet. Cakara is curled up half on him, half next to him in his bed. She’s never spent the night in someone else’s bed before. All of her liaisons back on Eshan had been simple, empty things for relaxation and fun. She’d never wanted to keep their hearts beating in sync, never cared if they’d rest well once she’d had her fill. She cares more about Vee than Lise ever did for Vasili. Her younger self had wanted to own Vasili, like some kind of pretty trophy as a proof of conquest.

Now, she knows better. Cakara left Lise and her arrogant, self-importance behind. She just wants to live in the warmth that radiates off of Vee like a star. Her Sunshine.

He glows white for a short time, a healing trance, he’d said. In no time at all, he’s all white skin cleared of bruises. His Force abilities are still as startlingly magical as they had been at fourteen. Part of her wonders just what he’s capable of. But that’s a question for another time.

Cakara nuzzles her face against his. “Will you tell me about Nauur?”

He doesn’t flinch under her at the question; Vee sighs and covers his eyes with one hand though they’re already laying in the dark. “I suppose we were going to have to talk of her eventually.”

“I know that… Everything recent is because of Teren, but Zali kept trying to sell me a line about Nauur, so there must have been something there. She’s not that bad of a liar and if we are going to...” Cakara lets it trail off. She doesn’t know what they’re going to do. For all that she calls him Sunshine, Cakara’s not sure if they really could have the kind of future their life would suggest.

Vee sighs again with a heave of his chest, an obviously human affectation. “She’s not. Nauur and I… We met on a hunt. The connection was immediate. Natural leaders, the same sense of humor, sharp wit…” He plays with the rough ends of Cakara’s dyed hair. “But she flinched when I took my helmet off. I should have left then.”

Cakara says nothing, just nuzzles her face into his kute as if that could help.

“She said it was just surprise. Her family’s been mando’ade for as long as they can remember. I wanted to believe her, so I did. I’d never had sex before. I didn’t know if I could trust what I thought I saw in her. Now, though-” Vee cuts himself off and tightens his arm around Cakara’s back. “The romance was slow by Mandalorian standards. Not because of her. With our secrets, we have to be careful who we let in.

“But I loved her. Trusted her. I went to tell her about my gift. The last thing before we could marry… I didn’t- How do you confess that? I said that I wanted a future, but that there were considerations, especially for children, because of who and what I am. She… I couldn’t even finish talking. She said, ‘Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t planning on carrying any albino mongrels anyway.’”

Cakara’s heart seizes in her chest as the words hang in the air. Vee’s tone is so wistful, so full of pain and longing, that she aches for him. She shifts up and tilts his head until they’re looking each other in the eye. In the darkness, his eyes look as white as hers. “That’s not who we are. Gar taldin ni jaonyc; gar sa buir, ori'wadaas'la.”

Vee jerks away from her and covers his eyes again. “Don’t you say that to me.”

“And why not me?” Cakara asks. She pushes herself up to look down at him. “I know just how much you left behind.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why are you acting like a child?”

Vee sits up as well and leans in with the familiar Echani intimidation. “Three years and the only one you take off your armor for is me? Casual kriffs aren’t as common as I’m sure you would have liked, but everyone knew about the echani in Tiyaar. You had no shortage of choices.”

Cakara grabs his shoulder, digging her fingernails into his skin. She holds him close and violent in a way that lacks all Echani finesse. “You weren’t there. No one was there when Matriarch Desia’s brat decided Lise didn’t mean ‘no.’ They laughed at her, told her she should be flattered. I might have fallen for Vee in a vacuum, but if he wasn’t you, we wouldn’t be here.”

Vee closes his eyes and goes limp in her hold. His expression is guilty, but he still opens his mouth, he still says, “Vasili told her it would happen.”

“And she didn’t listen and now I’m paying the consequences. Are we done or is this how it’s going to be? Cutting each other with daggers from the past? We’ve lost enough and you know perfectly well you’ve never been Echani to me.”

Vee opens his eyes and reaches up to trace one of the tattooed lines on her cheek. “No, I never was. If I had been-”

“We’d both be stuck there, miserable, if together. Don’t make us and happiness mutually exclusive,” Cakara says. She releases her hold on him and lets heavy breaths rattle in her chest. Carefully, she enunciates each word as she says, “I am sorry, Vasili.”

Vee keeps his hand on her cheek, stares into her eyes for a long time, but doesn’t deny her apology the way he did before. “Ni ceta, Ca’kara,” he says.

Relief shoots through her and Cakara lets herself crumple against him. They reach out together, twist up their arms and legs and finally settle with their necks bent and foreheads pressed together. Neither of them cries, but they can feel each others’ pulse everywhere they’re touching and their breathing is in perfect sync. They stay like that, awake, for an hour, before finally drifting off.

kute - underwear/underarmor Gar taldin ni jaonyc; gar sa buir, ori'wadaas'la - No one cares who your parents were, only the parent you’ll be. (i.e. Bloodlines don’t matter) Ni’ceta - I apologize Ca’kara- Bright star

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