#pcbsda

[wont-travel-alone]

This. This. This.

You know what’s the problem here,

I’m seeing kindness in cold-hearted people dealing with their life.

And I have no idea how I can sync with their characters naturally.

I always meet at least one difficult person in any teamwork group sorting.

And I have no idea how I can sync with their characters naturally.

I’m seeing people being cold-hearted for the right reasons.

Example (One of the cases):

The person is just trying best to be punctual with own time schedule but still could compensate time for other people in our group.

For that, the debt of time left is managed by being strict in a smart way; hence, the cold-hearted remarks given away.

*All of these are figured in my head without blurting it out. It makes sense.*

It’s a good thing, right?

I could be addicted to a certain lifestyle.

[wont-travel-alone]

PCBSDA: (Time of typing): Someone singing Adelle at sidewalks outside at after midnight.

Never thought the strength of an honest hug is that strong.

*Not in physical context*

No wonder I don’t do them often. When the timing is right, the dose is so potent that it’s not just for the person, it hit me as well.

I got shot in my own feels getting myself of “why not ?” to enjoy a free hug & “Have a good day.” greeting from a stranger in the street.

For the fun of it; Well it turned out darn better than fun.

It was at the point where my heavy slowdays this week went fleetingly lighter.

The load is still here. But some aura medium–whatever you call it, it’s honest, which turned out to be fluffy & your nerves felt sparks of recharge.

Just when you thought they could’ve be there for sake of ANZAC Celebration today. *Maybe*

Who knows. Who knows.

I don’t do them because I never know whether a person is ready for one. *of course*

But, these really important notes:

I appreciate receiving each & every of everyone’s hugs.

You’re actually willing to literally hugging a tree log(me) as I don’t know how to react to hugs. Waw.

If you want, present a signal for me.

I may be saving my hugs for right timings of needing one so much and not trying to invade your bubble of space as much as possible.

Fluffy wuffy hugs.

[wont-travel-alone]

Any of past uneasy paradoxes take home message for the heart; Calm its wrath and harness from its hearth.

A hobby of ‘4 walls’ raw poems. This could be a new section.

[wont-travel-alone]

Post Can Be Scrolled Down. *Scroll scroll*

-Evaluating character-

Who am I, a person who could reply your curious questions.

I’m not surprised if you are baffled with some of my answers.

Being a matured-child complex; When you knew so much dealing certain harshness of reality black hole that you explain it with addition trying to shine the faintest light *or fun squeaky fx sound* of hope/happiness.

Also, I believe that a full stop for being alive is worst when it’s the death or blurs of a lively heart. Be a tough cookie from this.

Nothing is more joyful then having a lively heart & watching other people have theirs too.

If you want full maturity, I’ll be silent, knowing I don’t deserve to speak. It’s rare yet it happens.

However, in a normal conversation’s format,

Me: It is—achievable to deal with attachments.

*Pause&looks outside LRT train window*

Me: It’s raining today. *Alhamdulillah*

Me: Trying to be smooth soul singer is itching in me. Cue Seal song yo.

What am I doing.

[wont-travel-alone]

P/S: Human's paradoxical letter

I can't keep myself for not remembering them. "Each intention dictates action. However..." That's the excerpt. Why do I keep drafts again.

[wont-travel-alone]

I honestly--don't know how to express feelings to people. How do you human ?

Somehow, I can't even say simple humany words of goody goody misses, kisses, hugs and loves.

I tried, but something always stopped me from saying so from my mouth or putting it in action of those words.

Ending up replacing with ''good on you'', ''take care'' and such. Those safe words.

It's only other kinds of indirect actions are my efforts in working on those unspeakable words.

By this also includes we have to agree that I may be crying not just for sadness, but for happiness and grateful as well.

Smile during crying is such a confused expression to certain people though. I hope they find it normal.

If you're wondering why I can't do this. I can't figure it out myself either.

It's a missing data. I had a thought for one, or many situations that caused myself to this degree.

That part is really strong enough just like how I stopped being pretty as a girl/lady-ish thing before. 

As a side note:

Besides knowing it's fun to be a girl within yourself, you just need an unknown, non-pushy person out of nowhere to say; ''Hey I think you're pretty.''

That is all. When those words are neutral and non-pushy (if it was stated neutrally but I have no idea during that time for the person could have gone to pushy part spoken in mind only--my girl's instinct thought), you really don't know how good the impact is to a person's life. I reduced my 'practical' attires because I had a thought that I'm not worthy enough to put on dresses as it was for the ''pretty girls''. .

Small note, by the word 'pushy'; I'm really repulsive to ''hey, you're great. Let's be together.''

That's faster than freaking lightyears to have a pickup line for getting together and I'm not buying. No. Just--talk, aye.

This case was closed because there was a chance to be pretty ? I'm still baffled with why did I take this too much in me. Kind of mix in between okay no dresses and I like to catch frogs, lizards with going outdoors like those bros.  

However,  I'm still afraid of a roach so--I'm a girl. Yay ? -case closed-

Back to topic:

What environment did I put myself into.

Maybe an unknown, non-pushy person out of nowhere person ?

That's a dangerous hypothesis. Potential human error.

Rants, rants, so I could get a path for this, other hypotheses.

It must be fun saying misses, kisses, hugs and loves to a person.

In all situations.

I don't know. I don't even know yet. The case continues.

Cheeries.

[wont-travel-alone]

Long way to go for this narwhal.

Not 'long' in terms of age, because I can't tell the future.

It's about my mind project/s.

'Connecting the dots' for my starting line of recalibration just moved well.

I may have start connecting the dots but I'm not that near to begin it.

Should continue checking out the list:

(put some edgy doctor who reference for fun)

' Things I Should Do to Make Nawal Improve* '

*Tests and tribulations included. Yep.

a.k.a. Mini TARDIS Adventures

also,

' Things That Supposed to be Myths for Nawal But Busted in Reality '

a.k.a. Impossible Real Life Gone Wibbly Wobbly List

I didn't update anything in any blogs yet because my awkwardness kept myself waiting.

I'm still awkward now but my past, bit by bit somewhat resolved at the right time. 

These days some matters that I don't understand pops out. They are for a reason, still cooking in my head for answers. Good things, yes. Still thinking.

My past, is, 'the connecting dots'.

It dragged me to a time-locked state quite awhile.

HOWEVER, THERE IS ONE THING I AM CURIOUS BUT I FEEL SO AWKWARD TO FACE IT.

BECAUSE, I FIND ITS UNFAIR AND ETC <-Awkward rant starts.

YOU. ARE. IMPOSSIBLE. *sigh* Long way to go.

[wont-travel-alone]

Some pre-observation. Curiosity.

This applies differently in each countries.

In my country, most of us often perceive to categorise people in the exceptionally rich and the exceptionally poor category. 2 categories.

What about the moderate and also the different degrees of rich and poor ?

People who are in the questionable gap I stated may stumble to be mistakenly categorised between those 2 exceptionally categories.

Income is not a straightforward conversation. 

In economic matters, yes, monetary income is important. 

This is as far as to what I understand. Anyone can disagree and ignore this sentence.

However,

In relation to life, it's more than pure money before you start measuring a person's wealth. (Changing the 'income' to 'wealth')

Time is money.

Relationships with another human is money.

The accessibility of resources from the location you live in that benefits you, is money.

And lots of matters that we find commonplace to us are important to another person.

Life is more than the numbers you have in banks and wallets

The abundance of life is all in the mix of happiness and sadness.

If you only add this in that wealth context. Measure again.

Tell me how rich or how poor are you.

From here, I trust your judgement.

And I'm not surprised if we actually don't have that much difference in that huge exceptionally gap at all.

Before I end this, to those who think they could predict the wealthiness level of a person.

Think again.

If you add the good deeds and sins in the wealth context.

Also, you add the people who were given abundance and lacking in the wealth context.

With these, nobody knows. Only Allah knows. 

Wealth is not a straightforward conversation.

Alhamdulillah, be grateful on what we have now.

Cheers.