Summary: You and Dave are two people with nothing left in the world but each other. You find each other starving, desperate, violent. WC: ~1200
Content/Warnings: Love as consumption, but it’s not quite love; oral f!receiving, unprotected PIV (do better!), blood, biting, really violent metaphors and similes, scratching, pinning, choking, marking, idk rough sex in general, everyone involved is emotionally unavailable and sad.
A/N: This is inspired by a blurb I wrote on violent expressions of love/love as consumption. I haven't written anything quite like this before so I guess lmk if you'd like a part two! Thanks to @atinylittlepain, @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin, @gasolinerainbowpuddles, @amanitacowboy, @beskarandblasters, and @theywhowriteandknowthings for listening to me yell about it for two days and helping me along <3
Dave York Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | AO3 | Kofi
I want to tell you a story / of snakes eating / their own tails,
Swallowing themselves whole. I hope / you can guess that this story
Is about love / and what people will do / to get a taste of it
--@twinnedpeaks
Dave has lost everything. You can tell just by looking at him. There’s a desolation in his eyes like none you’ve ever seen before save looking in the mirror. You are so empty. There is something you both lack and the absence of it has left you starving. Something not quite right with you. Born without it maybe, or maybe it was taken by force.
You’re both so empty that when you’re together it’s like you take turns trying to fill yourselves up with each other, but you’re only ever left hungrier than you were before. Desperate for the taste of each other. You bleed when he touches you, pour it into his mouth and down his throat, but it never makes him less ravenous.
You let him dig teeth and claws into your chest, tear into the cavern where your heart should be. Someone said if you get hungry enough you’ll eat your own heart, and maybe that’s why there’s not enough of you for him to get his fill.
He says you belong here, never with him, but here, in the wasteland of his arms. He says you tear the flesh from his bones. He asks how he could love you when he has no love to give even as he buries himself inside you, settles under your skin.
You’re both too afraid to hang on to each other, though you leave claw marks in the letting go. Part of you wants to love him, but in loving him you would undoubtedly lose yourself.
You yearn for a love that doesn’t exist. Where claws sinking into flesh, sharp and scathing, ripping organs from your body, tearing you apart at the seams so you can be remade into something new doesn’t result in the utter destruction of self. A love that’s all consuming and desperate and violent but that still feels like a home you can settle into.
And the yearning is another type of hunger. Just another thing you lack. All the things you lack enough to form a hill you will probably die on someday. How can the absence of something be such a heavy weight to carry? You want to settle some of it on his broad shoulders, but you don’t know how to give away what you don’t have. You give him yourself instead.
He wraps your thighs around his head and settles in to feast on you, tongue delving deep inside and curved nose grinding into your clit. He eats you as if he’s trying to find a way in. You gouge his shoulders, raking up his neck and into his hair. You revel in his flesh caught under your nails, something of him you can take with you. He groans and it vibrates your bones.
You pull him closer, something like pleasure coursing through your veins, you think. It’s been so long since something felt good you aren’t sure this is what it feels like. But it feels like something and you crave something. The something settles low in your belly, coils like a snake, and strikes. Dave drinks you down, consuming everything you give him, and when he peers up at you from between your legs his eyes are still full of a dark hunger.
He drags his mouth up your body as though he can’t bear the thought of your taste leaving his mouth. Sinks teeth into the flesh of your shoulder and you swear you hear them clack through your skin. You yank his head away from you by the hair he has let curl at the nape of his neck, and he snarls, his mouth tinged red with you.
You surge up into him, crash your mouths together hard enough to split lips and you swallow, taking blood and spit and slick on your tongue and he sucks it back onto his. He settles fully between your legs, not breaking his mouth away from yours as he pushes your thighs into your chest. You let him fold you in half, his hands settling into the mattress and keeping you spread wide for him.
He buries his face in your neck, bites down, and snaps his hips into you, both of you grunting at the force. He splits you open at your core, soothes that hollow ache of emptiness, filling you to the brim. All you think or feel or see is Dave. The planes of his back shifting and sheened with sweat as he ruts into you, the shining red streaks on his shoulders a beautiful contrast to golden skin. You dig the nails of your left hand into his asscheek, pulling him into you even harder. Settle your right hand in a fist in his hair and twist and he growls in your ear.
He sits back on his heels, grabs your hands and pins them to the bed. The bones in your wrists shift pleasantly painfully (what’s the difference?) as he settles his weight forward. You wrap your legs around his torso and pull him back to you, emptiness for even a moment too much to bear. You latch your teeth into the muscle of Dave’s forearm and he lets go of your wrist only to wrap your throat in his long fingers and squeeze.
There’s something so intimate about your life being held in the palm of someone’s hand. There’s something so violent about him, burrowed deep, always lingering beneath the surface. There’s something so reassuring knowing he is entirely capable of snuffing your life out right here, but he won’t. Not because you are some precious thing, but because he needs you as badly as you need him.
You are near silent, coming with a desperate gasp for air you aren’t able to pull in and he follows you. He too is a vessel with a crack somewhere near the middle, unable to hold anything inside for long, and he is pouring himself into you, hoping you will hold what he gives you. You shudder around him, grasping at his fingers around your throat not to pull him away, but to push him in harder.
He tears his hand away first, then the rest of himself, landing on the mattress next to you and no longer touching you. The after always sending him reeling from you as though your skin burns him. Maybe it does. You head to the bathroom to clean yourself up while he berates himself for coming back here.
In the mirror you’re a vision of blooming purple and searing red. Throat, shoulder, wrists, thighs, cunt, all marked and aching. You’ll feel him for the days it will take him to fall back into your bed and just as he fades from your skin he will knock on your door.
When you return to the bed, Dave is on his back, hands folded on his chest like a corpse at his visitation service. You lie beside him, upper arms pressed together as you mirror his pose.
“Are you staying?”
He makes a noncommittal noise, a yes and a no, but grabs your arm and pulls you into him anyway. You wrap around him, an arm and a leg thrown across his body. You press your lips to a mark on his chest you don’t remember making. He traces patterns on your naked back and sighs.
“I want to, I think.”
---------
Thanks for reading!! I have a general idea for a part two if it would interest anyone :) And sorry to the people I was supposed to write requests for... this wouldn't get out of my head.
Pairing: Dieter Bravo x f!reader (i don’t really specify gender here, but the reader is afab in prior installments)
Summary: It’s easy to let all the bad parts of being with Dieter obscure the beauty of who he was. You try not to. WC: ~900
Warnings: // in order // drug and alcohol use, Major Character Death (in the past), talking to your toxic mother, excessive cursing bc that’s how I talk sorry, discussion of mental illness, discussions of like idk… physical deterioration due to mental health and drug abuse, implied sex dream turned nightmare, no happy ending, trauma dumping (not in the fic, that’s just what I’m doing)
A/N: Thanks to @theywhowriteandknowthings and @atinylittlepain for reading and discussing with me <3 eternally fucking grateful to y’all. This fic is based somewhat loosely on the song Your Needs, My Needs by Noah Kahan, which is about watching someone you love become a ghost of themselves due to addiction. I know very few people want to read a pairing//x reader fic where the other half is dead, and I really appreciate all of you who read and love my Dieter fics. I don’t know how I can ever describe how it feels to have someone tell you they read the darkest parts of your soul and found something good in it. Love y’all. also i should probably wait to post this but i have no self control :)
Series Masterlist | Dieter Bravo Masterlist | Main Masterlist | AO3 | Kofi
You asked me why I wasn't sayin' a word
I'm namin' the stars in the sky after you
A late night walk, something you do to get him out of the apartment. Giggling as you slip the hastily rolled joint from his teeth. You press it to your lips and draw acrid smoke into your lungs, push it back out into the humid air and walk through a haze of your own creation. You’re drunk, maybe. High, definitely. Dieter wraps his arms around you from behind and you awkwardly waddle-walk down the sidewalk, tangled up.
He presses a kiss to the space behind your ear and you scrunch your shoulder up, shrugging him away. “Fuckin tickles!” You squirm away from him and break into a run, tossing the joint behind you, laughing and squealing as he chases you. You skid to a stop behind your usual tree in the park. Press your back into the bark. “I see you, baby. Can’t hide from me.”
You make a break for it. A stumbling, stuttering start and his arms are around you in a flash, pulling you to his chest as he hits the ground on his back. Howling hyena laughter ringing in the quiet midnight air. He kisses you, sucking all the air right out of your lungs, breathing it back into you. You separate only to turn in his arms and crash back into him, hands fisting in his curls, bodies pressed together down to your toes. He makes you dizzy, a little sick, disoriented.
You flop onto your back next to him, staring at the night sky awash with stars as you fight to catch your breath. You get quiet, gazing at the stars. He asks why. “Just thinking.” He waits for you to continue, knows to let you work it out first.
“You burn so fucking bright, Dee. It lights up the whole sky.” He smiles and brings your hand to his chapped lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.
You don’t tell him he’s like the stars you learned about from that space documentary you like to fall asleep to. They burn incredibly hot and bright. More than any other star. And then they burn out. They’re quick about it. They light up the night sky for this infinitesimal amount of time compared to something like a red dwarf. And then they’re gone, collapsing in on themselves and taking anything unlucky enough to be caught in their orbit with them.
“Only for you.”
You were a work of art
That's the hardest part
A meeting with your mom, a year and change after. She’s sitting in his seat, probably doesn’t even realize. You can’t look at her, your eyes flicking between your untouched tea and the window. So many days spent lying under that tree, just across the street. Tugging each other by the hand into this coffee shop. Curling up in the booth and talking for hours.
“I honestly don’t get why you’re still so upset. You were together for less time than it’s been since…” She trails off, not wanting to actually say the words. Since he died. “He hurt you. He’s still hurting you. He wasn’t good for you.” She says it matter of factly, like it’s common knowledge.
“Don’t fucking tell me he wasn’t good for me. You don’t know that. No one fucking knew him like I did. No one even gave him a chance. I had to watch this brilliant man turn into a goddamn ghost in front of me and no one else even gave a shit.”
“He turned you into a ghost too.”
You drag your palm across your face, smearing tears into your hairline.
“The sad part is – we were fucking gorgeous together. It wasn’t always bad, you know? He made me feel alive and beautiful and fucking… real. Like no one ever had before. He was incredible. He was so fucking smart. Kind, talented. Wonderful. He was wonderful.”
Trace the outlines of your dreams
You'll always be a flower on my skin
A dream, a memory maybe. A blur of white sheets, dark curls tinged with blue paint. Gasps and sighs. Lips and tongue and teeth everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Eyes you never quite catch a glimpse of. Every feeling fleeting and just out of reach. Indents of fingers on your skin, dragging rough down your legs. These you feel. Hooking into you and nearly pulling you with him as he slips away. You swear you wake up with bloody streaks down to your calves. God it fucking hurts.
Watching him slowly kill himself, knowing it was happening, and not being able to do a damn thing about it, that was the hardest part. Towards the… the end... Fuck. When lucidity completely escaped him, he was scared. Terrified of himself and everyone around him. In his rare moments of clarity he was always so bitter, so angry at himself for not being what you needed. He punished himself. Didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t speak. You think you hated him a little, by the end.
Still. You don’t think you’re ever getting him out of your system. There was too much good in him to not forgive him for the bad. The rotten, broken, crumbling part at the center of him that took him from you. You watched him fall in on himself and you did nothing about it. Could do nothing about it. Helpless.
You cross that county line
I promise to be there this time, alright?
–-------------------
Series Masterlist
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Thanks for reading <3
I don't really do tag lists anymore usually but:
@ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @mandoisapunk @amanitacowboy @pamasaur @cool-iguana (and I'll just drop a link to the rest of ya <3)
Hi friends!! This week I read several series that had like... a lot of parts... including ones I've previously recced but just now finished (Looking at you Lie To Me by @iamskyereads). I also went to Pride and basically read nothing from Saturday to Monday. That being said, I'm pretty proud of the amount of fics I was able to scrounge up for y'all this week, and I think we have a pretty good selection.
The Spreadsheet can be found here and you're always welcome to tag me in a fic or send it to my askbox if you want me to read it (I'll read any Pedro boy!).
Recs below the Pedro:
Puppet - an Ezra one shot by @jksprincess10
I love these fics that are like "What if we went to extreme lengths to shut Ezra the fuck up," and I especially love how this one ends. Also the side effect bit made me giggle. You're a genius, Nad <3
Hot and Heavy - a Joel series by @tieronecrush
I think I established recently that I'm a sucker for the nanny trope. We also know I love angst. So here we have one of those time bomb relationships where we know it's gonna end, not once, but twice. Excellent angst/tention building. Then we also have super fucking sexy delicious smut, Joel being a fucking adorable father, reader being like actually awesome... and I lowkey think readers mom is on it but that's just me. OH and "Mariposa" are you KIDDING ME?! perfect.
Run to You - a Marcus Pike series by @foli-vora
Talk about angst... and it's fucking PERFECT. The little flashback scenes and then the sharp cut to such a painful present situation UGH. The world building is excellent. The characterization is so fucking good bc of COURSE Marcus would fall in love on an op of fucking course he would. Marcus "Marry Me" Pike over here. Fucking idiot. I love him. I can't wait to see how this story progresses. It is so. fucking. good.
Pretend Alleyways - a Dieter/Marcus Moreno series by @radiowallet
Would I ever have thought about pairing up Marcus Moreno and Dieter Bravo? No. Am I eternally grateful someone put my two softboys together? YES. They are so perfect together. So sweet and precious. They need each other fr. This made me all warm and fuzzy inside and also horny obviously.
Like Water in Your Hands - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters (Part of the Punisher anthology)
I. Love. This. So. Fucking. Much. Top tier. The smut? The plot? The characterization? Queen shit.
Don't Be Scared - a Din one shot by @beskarandblasters
Din being scared/nervous omg. So cute and sexy. I love him so much UGH. Looking forward to the Din revival fr
the lakes - a Joel one shot by @tieronecrush (Part of the folklore anthology)
This is literally one of my greatest non-smutty fantasies with Joel. Just telling him how much he means to me and promising to be there for him and convincing him to let himself be happy and comfortable. I wanna hug that man so bad AGH. This was beautiful Sam <3
Summer Lovin' - a Joel one shot by @atinylittlepain
I don't know why I've been reading so much asshole!Joel lately.... but I'm loving it. I love all the little details in this. I was genuinely pissed the fuck off at Joel. I have more sympathy for the ice cream than that fucking idiot. Sarah, his ex, and reader all deserve so much better than that dipshit UGH
Unusual Situation - a Din/Ezra one shot by @absurdthirst
Not only am I back on my Din/Reader/Ezra bullshit AND my M/M/F bullshit in general, but this is the fic that caused it. These two space idiots were meant to be together, I am 100% certain. The way Ezra manages to gently reassure Din that reader wants him while they're both balls deep in various holes....??? How do you do it. How do you make something tender and sweet while also being complete and utter filth. I am fascinated.
Of Gorgons and Gardens - a Din/Ezra series by @concussed-to-pieces
Following the absurdthirst story, I found this one.... and boy howdy. I am a SLUT for sex pollen fics, so obviously that was excellent. I also love how it was like "oh the plant makes men want to fuck women" but hinted that neither of them would be particularly upset about fucking each other either. Mando was like... i don't give a fuck, dude. And then it went from absurdly smutty (but also kinda sweet) in part one, to just like tender and sweet in part two. Like yeah yeah horrible harrowing near death experience yada yada... the STUBBLE SCENE??? The PAIN KINK?? the TOUCHING?? I just about died. And then in part three we get my top all time kink PLUS Din and Ezra and Reader just being so sweet it hurts a little. I am feral for these boys UGH. AND AND the nickname being bird in mando'a was so clever??
Late July - a Jack (Whiskey) series by @concussed-to-pieces
So I read the Din/Ezra thing and obviously had to peruse the masterlist. I love my dear appalachian cowboy. I really really liked the whole premise of this story and the follow ups. The smut is fucking masterful but also like hello, plot??? Truly incredible. I really liked seeing frat-boy Jack and also seeing him work through his trauma and shit. But also Jack tied to a chair need I say more?
Defanged - a Din one shot by @concussed-to-pieces
Alright so this one is the same sex pollen from OGaG but it doesn't hurt which is super dope. Hey Alexa play "In Love with a Stripper" but it's Din in love with a sex worker just bc he put his dick in her. I fuckin love this.
hunt and peck - a Javi P one shot by @toxicanonymity
You really said lets take this slut and make him even hornier and I LOVE IT.
----------oldies but goodies-----------
soft!dom joel - a Joel a series by @joelscruff
Letterman Jacket - a Javi P series by @fuckyeahdindjarin
I want you to stay - a Dieter one shot by @ezrasbirdie
Below the Line - a Dieter series by @prolix-yuy
Midnight Rider a Jack (Whiskey) one shot by jazzelsaur (ao3)
Rare - a Joel a one shot by @swiftispunk
One Hundred and Fifty Seven - a Din one shot by @theidiotwhowritesthings
Heatwaves - a Javi P two shot by @mishasminion360
In the Dark - an Ezra series by @frannyzooey (favorite ez ever maybe)
Lover of mine - a Dieter one shot by @psychedelic-ink
Morning - a Dieter series by @write-and-buried
--------------my recents-------------
In the next one - based on Lucy Dacus' (boygenius) song We're in Love and a standalone addition to my loose fit Dieter series A Ghost of You - focuses on Dieter's belief that he's been with you in every single past life and lost you in each of them + him coming to terms with his belief that he'll lose you in this one too.
Summary/Warnings: Dieter thinks you’ve been together in every past life and he’s lost you every time. Vague-ish smut. There’s a thing with a knife, but no actual slicing lol. Graphic and explicit descriptions of mental illness, drug abuse, etc. Dieter does mild self-harmy things. Implied biting hard enough to break skin during one scene? And as always with my poor dieter baby, suicidal ideation… and more? Idk just be fucking careful with this one. Love y’all. (WC: 1550)
A/N: I went to a Boygenius concert and became immediately obsessed with We're In Love, Lucy's song about Julien. The whole past lives... to be known is to be loved... just the whole general vibe. It immediately made me think of my baby Dieter so here we go.
Series Masterlist | Dieter Bravo Masterlist | Main Masterlist | AO3 | Kofi
Isn't it enough that we stripped down to our skin?
Cold and porcelain like bathers in a painting
Dieter wraps his arms around you from behind. You’re chopping an onion to make dinner. He slips his hands on top of yours, holds the knife in your hands and chops with you. You tilt your head into his where it rests on your shoulder affectionately. You let him guide your hands for a moment. He keeps his grip on the knife, but drops your left hand, guides the knife to his left palm. You freeze, forcing his hands to stop.
“Woah, Dieter. Babe. Stop. What are you doing?”
“Blood Oath.”
“Like that weird movie we watched? Son of Rambow?”
You pull the knife from his fingers, set it on the cutting board, wrap his arms back around you.
“Yeah,” he mumbles into your shoulder. “Like Son of Rambow. Just want you to know how much you mean to me. Want us to always be connected.”
You turn to face him, press a thumb into both cheekbones. Your eyes burn and so do his, crying onion tears. You press a kiss to his torn lips.
“We don’t need that.”
“You could ruin me, you know that? I don’t know if I can ever be without you.”
He pulls away from you. Fidgets with the rings on his fingers. Digs a hand into his hair and tugs hard. You step right back into his space, pull his hand out of his hair and right back around you.
“Hey? Made for you. Remember?” You press your lips into his scruff covered jaw. Gently smooth his hair back out. Slip your hands over his shoulders and down his back. Pull him so hard into you it feels like you’re trying to mold him to your body. “I’m not going anywhere Dieter.”
You pull his ugly sweater over his head. Set it gently on the counter. Toss your own t-shirt on the floor. Press your bare chests back together. Let him feel how real, how solid, how corporeal you are. All the way here even when he is not. You keep your bodies pressed together and pull him to the bathroom. Undress him fully and pull him into the shower with you. Forget about dinner and let him fill you instead.
And I told you of your past lives, every man you've ever been
It wasn't flattering, but you listened like it mattered
Dieter taps the ring on his middle finger against the glass mug of green tea in front of him. Chews his lips as he works up the nerve to tell you a theory he has. Something important. You have to know.
You sit across from him, looking out the window. The park you spend so much time in just visible from your booth. You’re watching a pair of hummingbirds dance around each other.
“Do you remember the night we met?” Dieter traces the triangle on his forearm instead of looking at you. You drag your eyes from the birds.
“Most of it. We were kind of fucked up, so the details are hazy. Why?” Your finger joins the path he traces on his arm, following just behind. He changes direction so your fingers bump each other at the highest point.
“I think we’ve always been together.” Dieter doesn’t elaborate. You’re used to his non sequiturs. He doesn’t have a train of thought so much as a shipping yard of them. A little maze like. Disconnected. You remember something you said that night.
“I asked you why it felt like I’ve known you my whole life. And you said ‘Maybe you have.’” Drugs may have made you say it out loud, but you knew then just as much as you know now that you were made for each other. You had always known him, somehow.
“I think, in all my past lives, I’ve had you and I’ve lost you.” Dieter pulls a piece of dead skin off his lip. Sucks the iron tang onto his tongue. “I think I’ve never known a life without knowing what it’s like to be without you. And I think it’s going to happen again.”
He knows he’s been getting bad again. He broke your phone. He almost hurt you. He can’t figure out which thoughts are rational and which ones aren’t so he just drowns out all of them with all the drugs he can get his hands on. He isn’t so numb that he can’t see the way he’s hurting you though. He has to make sure you love him. He can’t fucking bear it if you don’t love him anymore.
You dig a fingernail into wrist, make a crescent shape in the skin. He focuses on the tiny pain, lets his mind still. You press your lips into his palm and settle his hand on your cheek.
“I’m not going anywhere, Dieter. If I left you in my past lives it was all so I could find you in this one.”
Will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?
I know what you'll say, but it helps to hear you say it anyway
Dieter paints a portrait of you. He smears the canvas in cerulean, plum, vermillion. Vibrant colors that match your aura. You find him at the window, forming the shape of your lips with a thumb, brush between his teeth.
“Beautiful.” You whisper it into his neck. Drag your lips down the column of his throat. He pulls you into his arms, spits the brush to the floor.
“Do you think I’m crazy?”
You look into his eyes, shining with tears but dulled by so much pain.
“No,” you lie. He looks away from you. A sob catches in his throat. He chokes on it. He knows he’s insane, knows he should try the hospitals again, knows that wouldn’t work. It never does.
You pull him to the bedroom. You kiss the tears off his cheeks. You strip each other bare. You press your love into his skin with your lips, tongue, teeth. With your fingers and hands. You kiss him so hard it hurts. He slowly responds to your touches, the dull ache in his eyes fading to something deeper, open, vulnerable. He pushes inside you and stays there for a moment, relishing the fact that this is the closest he can be to you. You don’t try to make him move. Just pull him even closer to you. Wrap yourself around him and pull him close. He moves his hips shallowly, barely separating from you at all. Grinding into you. He devours your lips, your neck, your shoulder. You settle your teeth into the space where his neck meets his shoulder. Bite until you taste salt and iron. He wraps a hand in your hair and pulls your mouth to his. Buries himself in you with fervor now. Decides he’ll leave bruises inside you to keep himself there even when he’s gone.
In the next one, will you find me?
I'll be the boy with the pink carnation pinned to my lapel
You’re snuggled up on your too small green couch. You’d had a huge argument. You had thrown buddha statues and crystals and incense holders at him and screamed that none of this shit was going to help him. He had to take his Fucking Medicine.
He’d hurled his empty bottles of hydrocodone and oxycontin and xanax at you, like any of those were what he was supposed to take. Like any of that could help him. He’d dropped to the couch and curled into a little ball, his whole body shaking with sobs as he tore at his curls with trembling hands.
You had knelt on the floor next to him, pulled his hands away, cradled his head in your arms.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers into your chest. “I’m so sorry I’m fucked up again.”
He buries his head deeper into your shoulder. You think he means he’s sorry his mental illness is acting up again. Or that he’s sorry he did too many drugs again.
He means he’s sorry he came out wrong in this life just like all the other ones. You were made for him, but maybe he wasn’t made for you. Not this time and not all the times before and he won’t be next time and he can’t fucking take it.
You climb up behind him. Press his deteriorating frame against you and try to pour all your love into him. Try to put him back together. You whisper to him about how much he means to you. That you won’t leave him. That you love him and just want him to feel better.
He can’t be better though.
“I’ll try harder in the next life. I’ll try to be okay next time. I’ll be so good for you.”
“I’ll find you.” A promise you seal with a kiss to the crown of his head. If he finds you in the next life, you’ll take him as he is. You love him now and you always will.
You drift off to sleep with your lips pressed into his hair. His breathing slows and slows and slows.
I could go on and on and on and I will
Go on and on and on until
It all comes back
Hi darlings! This week's digest is a little small because I took the time to catch up on a bunch of WIPs I've been reading (and they've all already been rec'd). That being said there are some bangers on here if I do say so myself. Oh also I'm at Pride this weekend, that's why this is like 5 hours later than usual.
The spreadsheet is here! It's up to 217 fics now!
cute lil joel pic to kick us off ;)
Feelings on Fire - a Joel series by @joelscruff
This one is for my religious trauma girlies lmao. I personally relate a little bit to how this Reader was raised (southern baptist instead of catholic) with the grades and the extracurriculars and stuff, but I was nowhere near as sheltered. I say all that to say that while I usually have trouble immersing myself into a fic where the reader is this level of innocent, I did not have that issue at all. And GOD do I want to immerse myself in this fic.
Landlord from Hell - a (dark) Frankie one shot by @absurdthirst
If you like You, this one is for you. I loved it but I also was hollering at Reader the whole time to run the fuck away. I was so fucking uncomfortable the whole time, but also the smut was fucking excellent lmao. Incredible horror/thriller fic AGH
more - an Ezra one shot by @ezrasbirdie
This did very unexpected things to me. I'm a pretty firm no on not one, but two of the kinks in this fic but... I'll do anything for Ezra I guess lmao. Read the warnings friends, this one is a (beautiful) doozy
What he deserves - a Dave York one shot by @absurdthirst
Dave is so.... daddy. This is one of those completely indulgent fantasy fics for me. Live in nanny fucks the super hot dad and the kids are also a dream and the ex wife is evil so there's no guilt... perfect!
Sold to Joel Miller - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters and @wannab-urs
Totally serious and not a joke fic at all, what?
In My Hometown - a Joel series by @swiftispunk
Oh boy. I got pining, smut, AND angst all in one fic? Hell yes. And it's like... believable angst, which isn't always the case. I felt so fucking bad for Joel, I just wanted to wrap him up in my arms and hold him forever. I love a man who is just absolutely pathetically in love. Just completely pitiful. Down bad. There's so many good things about this, I'm doing it a disservice with this explanation. Just read it.
Thought That I Was Dreaming - a Dieter one shot by @haylzcyon
Ohhh this Dieter made me unreasonably happy. He's such a cutie... and so fucking sexy. Oh how I dream about getting high with Dee and spending a whole weekend fucking each other silly.
-------Pre-Digest Fic Recs-------
adding more of these than usual since I didn't read much new stuff this week :)
Seams - a Joel series by @fuckyeahdindjarin
I'm Starvin' Darlin - a Joel series by @me-and-your-husband
All Work, No Play - a Javi P one shot by @loquaciousferret
I Think of You - a Din series by @prolix-yuy
No Drug Like Me - a Dieter series by jazzelsaur (ao3)
Tied - a Din series by @radiowallet
Friendly Fire - Joel series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch
Designated Person - a Frankie series by @whatsnewalycat
Not from around here - an Oberyn series by @mishasminion360
-------- My Fics --------
I wrote one (1) tiny little drabble, but hey better than nothing!
Bruise - a Dieter drabble set in my A Ghost of You universe (deadbeat druggie artist boyfriend with severe mental health issues + reader is his entire universe. She has a savior complex. It's a lot. Read that here). Dieter and Reader get unreasonably high and decide to paint each other. Written in a style I've never shown anyone before, sorry if it's weird lol
Summary/warnings: you get high and paint with Dieter. No canvas to be found though. Technically this is A Ghost of You Dieter/Reader, but it's a standalone (as they all are). Not at all explicit sex while very very high :)
A/N: I haven't written anything in over a month, and I had this tiny little spark of inspo today... emphasis on tiny, this is 343 words.
Series Masterlist | Dieter Bravo Masterlist | Main Masterlist | AO3 | Kofi
A shiver crests over your shoulders and down your spine as Dieter drags the paint brush from the inside of your thigh down to the back of your knee, leaving a streak of purple in its wake. The brush leaves a spiral on your kneecap. Whispers over your hip bone. Strokes along the curve of your waist. Outlines your breasts. Comes to rest in the hollow of your throat.
Dieter’s mouth follows the trail, painting its own blooms of purple beside the paint. It latches on to your pulse point. Ghosts a hot breath over your cheek. Settles on your own.
You paint his unkempt curls a brilliant shade of blue with your fingertips. Trace stripes over his shoulders. Down his back. Leave your mark where you can reach. Pull him closer and beg for more.
Paintbrush abandoned, his hands smear the lines etched so adoringly into your skin. Follow the path back to your thighs. He settles there on his knees, drinks in his masterpiece with dark eyes. Pupils blown wide with lust. And something more.
The tingling in your fingertips, your scalp, your toes, meets him there in the center. All paths lead here, you think. To you and Dieter. Always you and Dieter. His mouth finds yours again, invades it. You dig into his shoulders. Mix sparkling red with brilliant blue. Turn him purple too as he fills you again and again.
You’re weighless, floating. Maybe drowning. Dieter pulls you to the surface, teeth sinking into your shoulder as he drags your chest up to meet his. You roll with him, ride his wave until your own crashes over the shore. Collapse back into the pillows. He follows you. He’ll always follow you.
Plum colored fingertips caress your cheekbones, your jaw, your lips. His forehead drops to yours as his hips still. Featherlight kisses grace the highpoints of your face. He whispers into your mouth. Made for me. You sigh. Pull his weight down onto you. You’d let him consume you completely, if he wanted. You whisper.
Howdy, folks! It's time for this week's recap of what I read :)
As always, you can find the spreadsheet here, and you're always more than welcome to tag me in your fic if you'd like to be included. New and old fics both appreciated; anything from a drabble to a 400k word series is fine; and the only Pedro boy I don't really read is Pero Tovar.
Without further ado here are the fics I read this week and the unhinged ramblings of a madwoman (me) to substitute for a coherent recommendation.
One for the money, two for the show a Joel series by @cowgurrrl
Rockstar!Joel AU with such a sweet fake dating trope lead in and then the most delicious yummy angst. As your resident angst whore this was everything because it was so REAL and so fucking heartbreaking. And then the happy little hopeful ending and then all the drabbles and extras??? AH! My favorite part was the lil instagram stories i think <3
sharing is caring a Frankie/Santi one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear
Your friend Santi introduces you to his friend Frankie and uhhhh you guys go make a sandwich.
Only Lovers Left Alive a Joel series by @atinylittlepain
I love every single thing about this. Revenge. Vampires. Blood play kind of? Biting. Etc. This shit rocks.
Waiting Room a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters
I fucking love what kel did with this song. The repetition of one for the road really fuckin got me too. Angst angst angst.
The Special One a Joel series by @toxicanonymity
What if a reluctant soulmates AU was also a vampire!Joel AU? It would be perfect, that's what. I'm loving vampire!joel rn anyway, but this was such a cool twist on it. Also his vibes in this are fucking immaculate
Copycat Killer a Joel series by @beskarandblasters
Bitch this is so good. Stalker!Reader x Rockstar Joel... fucking perfect. I love how they both kind of suck as human beings a little bit. And that blow job oh my GOD.
Sweet Creature a Dieter series by @wildemaven
I really really love how this story is going. The little town is so real to me and I love all the little places we get to see. The bookstore sounds like a DREAM. And I can't wait for Reader to bond with D over art ahhhhh.
Stitches a Din series by @djarinsbeskar
This fic is so fucking good dude. I love the set up for the whole thing and the reader character is really fuckin' cool. The like... 8 consecutive parts of incredible smut that continues to be genuinely interesting and really fucking hot even after like 200K words is extremely impressive. I'm also pretty sucked into the story and the way Medic is being interwoven into canon. Oh and the introspection we get from Din's POV is *chef's kiss*.... anyway pls god finish this story i need it
False God a Frankie series by @swiftispunk
Frankie asking for what he wants is so... yummy... especially when it's wanting to be your subby lil pussy eating king like... PLEASE. And his praise kink??? I am in Frankie heaven
102 a Frankie one shot by @tieronecrush
I fucking love this ahhhh. I felt so bad for Frankie but also their friendship is so cute??? I love the unrequited love//idiots to lovers trope
Safe in my Arms an Ezra one shot by @mishasminion360
Ezra struggling to adjust to having one less limb and me crying about it. This was so fucking good. The raw emotion he feels and reader's unwavering support... the realism in saying something that accidentally hurts his feelings and trying to take over tasks he might find difficult AGH. I love this so much
Leave Off Your Wandering a Joel series by @oonajaeadira
Adira, I fall in love with every single little world you create without fail. This is obviously no exception. Your sheep ranch is a dream. The way you build up this backstory with the Roostlings and the friendship with Tommy and Maria and just all these extra little details you take the time to flesh out and weave into the story... makes my heart sing, friend. I adore this <3
-------- fics i read a while ago and never recommended -------
Name a Javi P one shot by @joelscruff
Consent a Dieter series by @fuckyeahdindjarin
Whiskey, Dark and Deep a Jack one shot by @prolix-yuy
Stay on the Screenplay a Dieter series by jazzelsaur (ao3)
A Safe Haven a Joel series by @joelsgreys
Psychomanteum a Dieter series by @whatsnewalycat
In Name Only an Oberyn series by @forever-rogue
------
I haven't written a word in weeks, so once again no updates for me :/
Hello and welcome to the Peg That Middle Aged Man Campaign 2023!
My dear friends and I took on the challenge of pegging many of Pedro boys over the last couple weeks, and I'm here to put them all in a masterlist for you!
I'll be updating it as we get all of the boys who have been... uh... claimed... posted, but also there are a few boys we didn't take on. Feel free to message me about adding your fic to the list!
Thanks to @atinylittlepain, @serenaxpedro, @jksprincess10, @cutesyscreenname, and @beskarandblasters for helping me put this together <3
List below the cut!
Anything For You, Babe by @wannab-urs | Frankie
You and Frankie try something new because he's a simp and he loves you.
Nothing to Hide by @atinylittlepain | Pre-outbreak!Joel
she learns a couple new things about her man over the course of a night.
Non-Disclosure Agreement by @atinylittlepain | Dieter
Something unprofessional keeps them professional.
I’d suffer hell if you tell me what you'd do to me tonight by @serenaxpedro | Post-outbreak!Joel
You knew you could trust Joel with your life, knew he would never judge or betray you. But what if it came to a very particular want of yours? Would he be up for a night of new kind of fun?
New Experience by @jksprincess10 | Javier Peña
A new discovery leads to a new experience for Javier.
Vaya con Dio by @atinylittlepain | Sean "Dio" Morrissey
Dio thinks he's got her all figured out, but she's got a few tricks up her cashmere sleeve.
I Bite Back by @wannab-urs | Max Phillips
Max Phillips is seemingly always in command, always domineering, always on top… except when he’s with you.
Something Different by @beskarandblasters | Din Djarin
You work at a brothel on Coruscant. It was a night just like any other but you wanted to do something different for a change. And you get that when a Mandalorian walks in looking for intel on a bounty.
Office Hours by @cutesyscreenname | Mr. Ben (SNL)
Reader surprises Professor Ben during office hours. And not for lunch.
Appropriate Reactions by @wannab-urs | Ezra (Prospect)
Ezra is stranded without a ship and has nothing to offer you in return for a ride off The Green... So you make a deal.
Gold by @jksprincess10 | Oberyn
Oberyn has given you a beautiful but strange gift, and he wants you to use it on him.
