#pedsonal

[louhetar]

i was the only one in a face paint and bu tbe very end, Mathias came to me, kneeled down, put his hands together, bowed and thanked me im in tears. i also got a pick

[shit-zu]

I get so tired of explaining oppression and being nice and considerate toward people who just don’t get it or really don’t want to. And that’s not to say people who are ignorant are necessarily always in the wrong- Sometimes people genuinely don’t know. But it just exhausts me to scream over and over and over about the same issue and get either arguments with people who don’t want to understand (particularly on f*cebook) OR people who, god willing, want to understand but truly just are struggling to bridge that gap/have no basic knowledge for what I’m talking about.

Is it not simply enough to just be feral and frothing at the mouth, holding a sign that says do not ask me, I will not answer, screaming about whatever I want? To be an aggressive parrot at the zoo who screams FUCK and bites people? To be literally ANYTHING but a human who people expect things from?

[nothing1995]

Ways I’ve grown up

Bc of my recent and shocking ascension into constant happiness and mental stability, I’ve been seeing myself as the version of me when I was about 12 and just a genuine madman ... funny loud social etc . But I’ve realised I have changed so much over the last 4 years especially and the main differences are:

I have straight up realised the importance of good friends and have made them a priority in my life rather than a by the by as I used to and I was a wee boy .. and yeah lol being 12 ofc everyone is disposable but like. And I see this at work sometime. Most socialising is work to me and it’s energetically taxing so meeting ppl who rly just fill me back up . I only realised after my breakdown how important these ppl are how much I love them and how much I would do so much for them ... and that that’s ok ???? That caring about people is good, actually, that romantic relationships aren’t the only ones you can love intensely in, and that being vulnerable and showing the people u love that u love them isn’t ... wrong or weak or pathetic like me ma always thinks .

Main thing I learnt about myself which st this point seems like DUH! But even like 3 years ago . I assumed I was emotionally cold or st least valued that over vulnerability and saw vuleneravlitly as so weak and emotional disconnect as good. Because again my ma lol . And then getting told my a assessment lady that I’m v sensitive actually, obv I took it badly and had to process but I’m finally. And tbh for like 1.5 years defs . Have known im sensitive and that it’s ok?? That emotions aren’t evil and that I’m affected by things and that therefore I can love things and people and don’t have to pretend I don’t ... this point is honestly such a part of my life now it’s hard to think I ever used to see myself and act like I wasn’t sensitive and emotional etc

Sobriety and therapy and religion and revising v hard for exams but still failing and then revising less hard but smarter for exams where I acc take the info in and. Then doing well. Changed a lot . Sobriety changed a lot lot lot . My cathedral job changed me also tho that was ok my come up too.

The most important thing the most important important thing and is tbh quite recent but . Learning that emotions are not fixed and hat . If I feel bad . This does not mean I’ve fallen off the deep end again and might as well go off the rails . That this bad feeling will pass and all I have to do is not act out or do something dumb or substance abuse my brain further . Just it with the feeling understand it’s shitty and feel the shiftiness . It’ll pass . And I can move on. Learning that has been insane

I feel like I’m growing up at a crazy rate and it feels like all the ways I’ve been a child for the last howerver many years ... I’m finally growing up and learning things most people did when they were like 10 lol

[ulqueleleh]

Kdeo

Que me he enfedmado

[orville-redenbacher-space-hero]

I got home save

[stayclassymike]

This October wheather reminds me of you

[idisdain]

[nicohmygoodness]

Okay so @benn-bros-and-hockey-co tagged me to write three things my followers probably don’t know about me so here we go… 1. I have a really small family, I have 2 older brothers, 3 cousins, an aunt, 2 uncles, 2 grandmas, and one grandpa (that I know of) 2. I'm a huge nerd. I've kept a 4.0 throughout my first 2 years of high school and now I have a 4.2 cuz I'm taking an AP class (I'm a junior) 3. Irl I am actually very introverted because talking to people is hard 😂 I'll tag @hockeyismyreligon @lattaismymainboy @craawford @catlady31 @aaronekbald @toewsbryant and anyone else who wants to do it!