#peepsi

[concernedpony]

Ceci n'est pas une Peep!!

[hongzhizhu]

PEEPS OVERLOAD

(featuring marshmallow treats made with the Peeps cereal)

Peeps cookie cutter set was gifted to me from @undeadorion 🥺

[drink-peepsi]

[thedreadpiratematt]

Wish me luck comrades

[the-one-man-tower-of-babel]

Who else would like some? There’s plenty to go around! I have 600 cases!

[gaylienz]

[pepsi1]

Peepsi: Alright so I think the symbol looked like this

Bis: Are you sure? What if there's a mistake. He didn't exactly train us to use this magic

*Phoenix pops out of the ground*

P:// Fucking bullshit. Of course that bastard makes friends with some... *he looks around his surroundings* You two. What the fuck did you do to that monster

Peepsi: Don't come near us or I'll use this spell

P:// Are you immortal? or just plain dumb? Answer my question.

Bis: We didn't do anything to him. And we're not dumb.

P:// Oh so that spell won't kill you? You know he constantly draws on his own life as well as his blood each time the bastard uses any sort of magic.

*Peeps and Bis look at eachother before erasing the symbol*

Peepsi: Where is he?

Bis: And why do you think we did something to him?

P:// He has wandered off onto the grounds of the divine. I went to collect the bastard and he forgot about the trauma of his metal skeleton. He is not one to forget pain. He should not have questioned what I had done to him. He should always and forever remember his torment. But he does not remember that skeleton filling his bones, cracking them all, and forcing his movement.

Bis: We could do without the details

P:// Could you forget such a thing if it happened to you?

Bis: Is that a threat.

P:// No. A genuine question.

Peepsi: Only if the mind found it too traumatic and suppressed the memory.

P:// His whole life is trauma. What is different from that event versus the rest of his remembered pain. Just you two. Something you did made him forget...

Peepsi: Wait you said he's with gods?

P:// Huh. yeah no they don't matter right now. Plus I only encountered one but the palace suggested more.

Bis: Don't matter?

P:// Shut up. I'm trying to think. Actually... When you met him, you treated that bastard with kindness and... gave him comfort.

*Phoenix begins to laugh hysterically while Bis and Peepsi stare at him confused*

Bis: Quit that.

P:// Oh but I can't. That bastard is making his own pain without realizing it. He's forgetting any instance of feeling happy once he wanders off. Serves that bastard of electricity right that Pepsi will forget their exploit together.

Peepsi: What.

P:// He has gone a massively long time without feeling any positive emotion, he grew used to pain. When he starts to feel happinesss, his mind has rewired it to be traumatic. That is... Wonderful.

Bis: You said exploit?

P:// Sex. But I refuse to acknowledge that private aspect of my creator's life. I've actually turned off my monitoring data on his current state of being once I realized what his vitals suggested. But to know he is repressing the trauma of joy. Well, then he will also refute any knowledge of his exploit when he does wander of those "holy" grounds.

Peepsi: ...Will you let him come back to us?

P:// Did I not give you proper payment for his life?

Bis: You can't just pay us to own a life.

P:// I figured I could. He's not human. He's more of a shelter pet to you that can do tricks like repairing your broken vehicles.

Bis: He did that of his own accord.

Peepsi: Please, we'll give you back the gold.

P:// Keep it. I am far more intrigued by what effect you two will have on his life now. If he chooses to wander back to your home I will only watch and not intervene.

Bis: Well you could have just said that rather than make insinuations on what we view him as.

P:// What can I say, I'm programmed to be difficult.

Peepsi: ...You know magic. Can you teach us?

P:// No. I mean I could but I have no desire to do so.

[pepsi1]

Bis: I would have never taken you for someone who could play the guitar.

"...it was a hobby of mine at a point. Though I've forgotten songs and words, my muscle memory remains. I don't even know the tune I am playing"

Peepsi: It sounds familiar. Did you ever listen to vocaloid?

"Vocaloid?"

Peepsi: Yeah! Where the singers are all just synthesized voices.

"Don't know it." He says as he continues playing Senbonzakura

Peepsi: oh... Well, I believe you are playing a vocaloid song.

Phoenix walks in with another person and cuts off Pepsi's hands

"You're an asshole, y'know that?"

P:// And you, shouldn't be playing music. It is far too human of an activity for a monster.

Bis: And building shit for you isn't? Him creating technology for you isn't.

P:// Not anymore, everyone meet Coke

D-Coke: It's actually die-it coke

P:// Anyways, Coke here is Pepsi's replacement and is a much more willing individual to help me.

He snaps his fingers and d-coke runs up to Pepsi and jams two metal capsules into the open wrists of Pepsi

"I am not above killing you new person."

D-Coke: Delightful! I can't wait!

P:// Neither will kill without my command. The device he just put in you was a robotic skeleton. You are nothing more than my soldier now. Anything you do is by my command. No more scampering out and about and no more actions to remind you of humanity. You are a monster, it's time I made you act like it.

"Someone shoot me. Now."

Bis immediately fires at him with a shotgun but just as quick as the bullets made contact, his skin healed.

P:// Death was such a... pesky thing to consider. Stand.

Pepsi stands but all of his bones can be heard snapping and he winces from his muscles ripping apart inside him as he tried to fight the command.

P:// I amped your regenerative healing.

Peepsi: You can't do this.

P:// No? Says who? I do not yield to the demands of mortals, monsters, or the gods themselves. And quite frankly, none would ever care for a monster like him. Even the few deities he's met would only watch on with curiosity.

"...Fine. I'll be your monster, just leave these two out of it."

P:// ...Kill the newcomer.

Pepsi lunges at D-Coke and delivers a swift and merciless death, all the while snapping and pops can be heard from him unable to keep up with the robotic skeleton. Die-it Coke is dead and Phoenix is clapping.

P:// I am pleased with these results. Especially all the little cracks and pops.

"It fucking hurts jackass." Pepsi's eyes are watery and full of hate

P:// So? A monster deserves pain doesn't it. Now shut up and stand still.

Peepsi: Can you please stop.

P:// No. Pepsi, shut her up.

Against his own wishes his body delivers a heavy blow and knocks her out.

Bis: YOU BASTARD, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU

P:// Coke

D-Coke rises up and holds Bis in a chokehold until he passes out.

P:// Speak.

"..."

P:// I said SPEAK!

Pepsi's body contorts into a painful and almost impossible position, the pain forcing him to finally cry.

"I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU"

P:// There it is. Finally. Some semblance of passion. Never would have thought it would be this easy to get you angry.

D-Coke: Dude. That must feel delightfully painful!

"Oh shut up. I don't like you."

D-Coke: I shall change that! We can be immortal besties!

"...I really don't like you"

P:// Shut up. I'll leave these two 'friends' of yours alone and gift them riches to last generations. But we are leaving and you, Pepsi, will be forced to stand still in whatever containment I see fit until I need you as a soldier. Coke will keep you company when he isn't helping me.

D-Coke: Isn't this fun! Seems much less boring than the way I've heard you spent your immortal life. And you get to feel your insides slowly being calcified!

P:// Let's go. I have somewhere more hidden in case a friend of his actually does care about the bastard.

Without a word the three leave, the robotic footsteps of Phoenix covering the constantly breaking bones of Pepsi trying his damndest to resist movement.