I have been obsessed with Bistro Huddy for a couple days now, and I found this video and... I can't. I can't stop thinking about this with my Poppy ships. I had to write this crack XD
@just-kit-ink and @wicked1will0sparkles I have a feeling this'll get a chuckle out of you guys (for the sake of argument, let's say that Shiny and Poppy do work for the TP from time to time in this fic. Like... Poppy can offer them info about some of the Uptown toon she works with, and Shiny can do all kinds of crimes with them).
~
It was a rare, and almost frightening, sight to see the boss smiling. Not in an unnerving way, not in smug pride, but actual genuine joy from another person. It almost never happened. Which was why Greasy knew something had to be up between Smartass and Poppy when he saw the two laughing and drinking coffee side by side in the kitchen.
"Ohhhoho! You really said that??"
"Well 'yea, what else was I gonna say? You 'shoulda seen the look on his mug!" The weasel breathed out a few chuckles before he noticed the new presence and looked up, just in time to see his right hand man smirking at him knowingly. Rolling his eyes and shrugging, Smartass chose to just cut himself off, now that he and Poppy weren't alone anymore, "Alright, I'll tell 'ya what happened next later. Seeya at lunch."
It wasn't lost on Poppy that another person's presence did ruin the mood, but she didn't make any implication about that. She didn't want to hurt the Spaniards' feelings... That and work needed to be done anyway. So she just nodded, "Alright. I should get you the paperwork you need by ten, at the latest."
"Sounds good."
Poppy walked off with her mug and a smile, nodding and offering Greasy a cheery "Bonjour." As she passed him and slipped out the kitchen door. That left him the opportunity to smirk knowingly at his boss, who rolled his eyes in response, "Buen día."
"Shuddap, Grease."
Though 'shutting up' was not on Greasy's plans. Not after what he just witnessed. The weasel took his time grabbing his coffee cup from the cupboard and pouring himself some of the much needed caffeinated liquid, all while keeping eye contact with a Smartass who was ever-increasingly going back to his grumpy persona. This probably wasn't a good idea to poke the bear before he could finish his coffee... But hey, this was what happened when you chuck out the TV the night before, and there was nothing else to entertain your right hand man, "So, I see you and Poppy have a little something going on~"
Usually there would be a tapping foot- or a death glare- or a twitching hand and glancing towards the nearest object that would tell the taller weasel that there was indeed something happening between his boss and their sweet friend. However, Smartass must have been truly exhausted since he just huffed and went back to stirring his coffee, "There ain't 'nothin going on. That's just how a work marriage is
The ear-to-ear grin on Greasy's face fell instantly after that, and looked like his brain was shutting down from attempting to process what Smartass just said. As if he claimed that Bugs Bunny was actually a crcodile, "A... A Work marriage?"
"What?? You 'nevah heard of it??" The hint of jealousy in Greasy's eyes seemed to be lost on the head weasel. He looked more surprised at the thought of him not being aware of the special relationship one could have with their coworkers, "Well I ain't explainin' it-"
"Ohhh no, I know what a work wife is. Because that is what Poppy is to me."
The sip that Smartass had attempted to drink almost got coughed up onto his suit. The pink weasel actually had to set the cup down before he glowrred at the other toon. There was absolutely no way his ears were working right. At least Greasy better hope they weren't, "Excuse you??"
Instead of being intimidated, Greasy just crossed his arms and seemed to take on the challenge instead, "You heard me, boss. If she's work married to anybody in this house, it's me."
"Oh no. Uh-uh bub. She's work married t'me."
"No, Poppy is my work wife."
The two weasels whipped their heads towards the doorway, looking at a just woken, disheveled, feral looking Psycho staring at them like they were the insane ones. And he was sending Greasy in particular a glare that could make any iron-willed man feel weak in the bladder, "You already have Shiny. You can't have Poppy too."
At that, Smartass immediately turned back towards Greasy with his fists on his hips, "Oh! You got that lunatic, but you're over here movin' in on my work gal??"
"MY work wife! Get your own!"
"And who's to say I must limit myself to one beautiful woman, eh?" Greasy glanced between his comrades with a hand to his chest, like he wasn't just getting on Smartass' case for being work married to Poppy, "How is that fair?"
"How is tha- BOY-"
"Actually, I'm Poppy's work husband too."
"WHAT!?"All three looked straight at the smoker, now standing in the doorway and looking like he just made the biggest mistake in his life. Why he thought it was a good idea to say that out loud, who knows. But the smoker just groaned and walked further in the kitchen to grab an apple from the fruit bowl, with Stupid following after him.
"Duh, what's happening here?"
Seeing the big lug of a weasel come in all confused made Greasy and Smartass narrow their eyes at him in suspicion. Psycho on the other hand was too busy growling at an unphased Wheezy, "Estúpido, you better not say you're Poppy's work husband too."
Stupid blinked at his brother and coworker for a moment, before his eyes lit up once he caught up with the topic of discussion, "Huh? Noooo, we're not work married!"
"Good. I don't need'ta deal with yo-"
"She's my work mom!"
The whole room fell silent. Smartass and Greasy glanced to each other before looking at the oblivious Stupid, and even Psycho had paused his confrontation with Wheezy- who was now burying his face in his free hand, "Stu, don't-"
"And Wheezy is my work dad!" The buck toothed toon proclaimed happily as he pointed to the internally dying Wheezy, still blissfully unaware of the tension in the room, "He and Poppy work adopted me! We even got ice cream yesterday!"
...
At that moment, without even looking up from his paw, Wheezy knew his smokes would not be enough emotional support to face these ridiculous weasels, "Ok, guys-"
"YOU STARTED A WORK FAMILY WITH POPPY!?"
"¡Destructor de hogares!"
"Is there ANYBODY in this house NOT puttin' the work moves on her!?"
"I'm not, boss!"
"SHUT UP!"
Breakfast and coffee were on no ones mind now. The entire kitchen was quickly filled with screaming, threats, and proclamations of betrayal. Poor Stupid could only stand there, glancing to his work dad and pleading with his eyes for an answer of what to do. Though all Wheezy would do was suck in as much toxic smoke as he could while he still had the chance. Before Smartass could throw the toaster, or Psycho could pounce on somebody.
The only thing that could break up the whole room was the very rabbit of discussion when she poked her head inside in concern. Her eyes pinned down against her head and her eyes were wide as they darted to each individual in the room, "Uh, g-guys? Is everything-"
"Get outta here while you still can, Pops."
"What do you-"
She just barely managed to contain her shriek when suddenly all four pairs of eyes locked onto her, making her stand straight up at attention. The moment to escape was long gone now, "Guys...?"
A long silence hung in the air as the first three weasels all looked at each other, as if agreeing upon something, then looked right back at Poppy. Stupid scratched under his propeller hat in confusion, and Wheezy closed his eyes to fully enjoy the silence before it would be undoubtedly ruined again.
---
"What on Earth- What are you guys talking about?"
Having taken this out to the living room, Poppy was seated on the couch and resisted rubbing her temples. The papers she was working on for Smartass were currently strewn about the coffee table, but all she could focus on were the weasels surrounding her. Wheezy was sitting on her left, not at all wanting to be here either. Smartass was sitting straight up in his own chair, tapping his foot with his arms crossed. Greasy had been trying to sit on Poppy's right, though he kept getting driven off by Psycho who was standing by the couch like a gargoyle. And Stupid was busy getting himself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen now that it wasn't crowded anymore.
If Poppy had been told she was going to be in the middle of a work love triangle- or rectangle in this case- with four of Toontowns biggest criminals four years ago, she would have laughed it off as a joke.
"I don't know how we can make it any clearer, but fine." Smartass huffed out as he leaned forward, almost looking like he was in the middle of one of his business meetings, "These nimrods think you're their work wife. We gotta clear it all up, like usual."
"Smarty-"
"Poppy, it's alright. I know this is all a terrible misunderstanding." Greasy still hadn't managed to slip past Psycho, so he chose to kneel in front of her and take her paw in his hands all dramatic like. He looked like the love interest in one of his novelas, and Poppy just looked so tired, "Just tell these putas that you, Shiny, and I are exclusive. Then we can get back to normal, si?"
"Listen-"
Poppy was once again interrupted, but this time by Psycho as he hopped over the couch just to smack at Greasy's face and hiss like a territorial housecat. The second in command managed to jumo back in time, but that didn't make the lunatic back off, "¿¡Qué carajo!?"
"You go be 'exclusive' with Shiny!"
"Yeah, you shouldn't even be here!"
While the three spiraled into yet another argument, Poppy heaved out a defeated sigh before looking towards the only sane one right now. Their eyes met and, like always, they shared a silent moment of pity and understanding for the other, "Help me."
Although he truly felt sorry for his work wife, and wanted nothing more than to escape this madhouse, there really was nothing Wheezy could do for either of them. All Poppy had to see was his slumped shoulders to know what he was going to say, "I tried, Poppy. You know how they get."
The toon groaned as she gave in and leaned back on the couch to rest her head on the back. Her headache growing with each curse word flung around. Why couldn't these guys just... The bond formed within a stressful and emotionally draining work environment knew no bounds. It couldn't just be contained to one individual. Why couldn't these jerks see that??
Well, at least Wheezy understood it. And Greasy, to an extent... Maybe it was more of a pride thing between him, Psycho and Smartass. If that was the case, then she could get this fixed no prob-
"Alright then. How about a fight?"
Blinking back into the present, and getting over the jarring sudden silence that befell the living room, Poppy turned her head far back enough to see the source of the familiar voice; Shiny standing in the middle of the open front door, with what looked like a crate of her homebrewed alcohol tucked under her arm. The arguing must have been loud enough to cover Shiny coming inside. But either way, her announcing her presence caused the three weasels to actually pause in their bickering, "You guys heard what I said."
Oh god no, "I- Shiny, I don't think that- we don't want that to happen."
The weasel lady just shrugged as she kicked the door closed behind her, taking turns to look each and every one of them in the eye- including Psycho, despite the probability of him taking that as a challenge in the mood he was in now being high. She didn't even bother trying to hide her smirk while placing the moonshine on the nearest syrface as she reiterated, "If you guys want her to choose, why not prove your worthiness and fight for her?
"Shiny, for the love of God, no." Wheezy stated in a firm voice he didn't often use. Glancing to his team, he could see the gears turning in Psycho's and Greasy's heads as they briefly shared a look. Fortunately, though, Smartass at least was currently stuttering out a response in disbelief. Hopefully, that meant the boss' sanity was coming back.
"Too late, Cowboy."
"No! No, not too late! Guys!-"
"You know what?!" Finally. Smartass was being the leader he should have been from the start. Standing up and pointing a finger at the mischievous woman, who just raised an amused brow right back at him, he snapped, "You don't get to come in here and-"
Though he was too late. The time for actual sense in this house had passed. That was made obvious when Smartass was sent flying over his chair and across the room. After a straightjacket clad weasel launched himself right at him. Psycho' battle screech and Smartass' cursing and gun clicking filled the room, and all Greasy did was pull out his switchblade and started cleaning it; preparing himself for war.
Although his expression remained partially neutral, his shaking hands while he lit up his whole pack and jumped right out of his seat showed how absolutely done he was. He wasn't going to bother trying to pull those maniacs away from each other. Not when he didn't even want to make a big deal out of this in the first place, "I'm out."
"PSYCHO NO!" While Wheezy was walking away from the others, Poppy leaped up to her feet with intentions of trying to break up the fight. Though before she could take a step towards the brawl, she was stopped when Shiny placed her well manicured paw on her shoulder. Looking behind her, Poppy watched her shake her head, silently telling her 'it's not worth it, honey', "Shiny!-"
"Let them get it out of their system. They clearly need it, sugar." The woman casually shrugged. The tiny smirk on her lips, though, showed she had more selfish reasons for starting this between them... And that she wasn't going to even try to hide it, "Besides, it's funny how easy they all are. Isn't it?"
"N-No! I can't let my work marriages fall apart!"
"Oh, please. This'll get through to them better than 'sitting down and talking it out' ever would. And you know it." Shiny sighed- not as dramatically as Greasy was renowned for, but there was a hint of drama behind it- before wrapping her arms around the rabbits shoulders and pulling her around and close, making Poppy completely face her now. Good thing, too. As the pencil holder that flew behind Poppy would have hit her in the eye otherwise. Even though Poppy was upset, the look of worry and slight anger towards her was absolutely adorable, and only made Shiny's grin broaden, "Besides, it doesn't really matter in the end. Does it?"
The tiny frown on Poppy's face faltered at that. Though not because she was comprehending how close her best friend was now, "How?"
"'Cause you and I both know that out of everybody here, I'm your true work spouse."
"Oh my god-"
"Hey! I didn't say anything about being the only one! I'm just saying that I'm the matriarch of your little work harem~"
...
Somehow, despite her soured mood, despite the waging three-way war happening just mere feet from them, Shiny still managed to get a smile, and even a little chuckle, out of her. Shaking her head, Poppy decided in that moment to just press her forehead against her favorite lady's crown, and enjoy this tiny moment between them while it could last, "You're terrible."
~
Not paying any mind to the sounds of agony from the three men, or the crashing and breaking of wood, or Smartass' "WHERE'D PSYCHO GET THE LAWN CHAIR!?!?", the dancer just touched noses with her little rabbit and giggled alongside her, "I know~"
While the girls were distracted, Stupid poked his head out of the kitchen doorway to see what was causing so much of a rucus. Crumbs of ceral still unwiped from his lips, "What's going-"
One look at the three feral weasels, a mising Wheezy, and Poppy and Shiny completely forgetting the world around them, Stupid had made probably the smartest decision he ever hsad made in his life at that moment. He quickly and quietly slipped back in the kitchen to finish his food, "Nevermind!"
This got a little genuine Popshine'y at the end of the crack. I don't regret it XD
