#peibee-an-jay

[motherhenna]

Hope this was helpful!

[finnickdistractsme]

-Runs in the Family- by *Peibee-an-Jay

[hottywithabodty]

I'm just so fucking sick of the media forcing girls to compare themselves to each other. Honestly, I am. This is coming from a girl who has struggled with weight and severe self esteem issues since 4th grade. Ever since I hit puberty, I've had radios and TV's and magazines telling me that I'm not pretty enough. After eight years of this, it really wears you down. It's gotten to a point where I can't even go shopping without just sitting in the changing room and crying my eyes out because I have to settle for everything. I'm 5'5", I have natural curves, and I weigh around 150 lbs. The doctor says I'm at a healthy weight: not really overweight and not underweight. But how can I feel healthy when every image I see— on billboards and adverts and movies and tabloids— tells me that I'm fat and that I need to be "fixed", when, in reality, almost every image they show are airbrushed and completely impossible to attain? And this rant includes skinny girls. They can never feel perfect, either. Because here they are a size zero, but they're being bombarded with images of big-busted, tiny-waisted victoria's secret models who are supposed to be seen as the ideal woman. It's not bodies that have changed, it's our perception of them. If we could just stop showing the world fake, airbrushed women, then maybe we can start to realize that everyone's beautiful. Because you don't need to be "sexy" or "hot" to be beautiful. You don't. But we're expected to be all those things, anyway. Men complain that women are too whiny and insecure about their body types, but then they go and turn down a girl because she's "fat" or "flabby", or maybe because they have A-cup boobs and no hips. What the fuck, media? What have you done to us? I'll tell you what: you've turned us into superficial shells of human beings, desperate for attention and validation, desperate to be perfect when, in reality, perfection doesn't exist. And we're hypocrites, too. I'm a hypocrite for writing this and telling everyone they're beautiful when here I am, looking in the mirror and loathing what I see, wishing to be a size 2 and petite and perfect like the models I see in the magazines, even though I know that's not possible. In 8th grade, I went on a diet, and I lost almost forty pounds. My mom forced me to stop because I was too skinny, but I was so convinced that I was still a disgusting flab that I wouldn't believe her. So even when  the doctor told me I was underweight, I still looked in the mirror and hated what I saw, even though my collar-bones were sticking out and I was a size 2. So even when I was "skinny", I didn't look like the girls in the magazines because I still had boobs and I still had hips: I took "natural curves" to an entirely new level. I've been called an attention whore because I don't believe people when they tell me I'm pretty.   But when I tell you I don't believe you or when I say I feel ugly, I'm not fishing for compliments. I am dead serious. At this point I feel as if there is a disconnect in my brain because I must not be seeing the girl that everyone else is. I look in the mirror and I see an overweight, bug-eyed, broad-shouldered mess who could never get a boyfriend. So now I can't just take compliments like a normal person. I over-analyze them and stress myself out until I don't believe anyone, and the only thing that can calm me down is to draw and write for hours. I've never had an eating disorder before, but I can say that I have contemplated starving myself a lot, as well as throwing up. But I know that it would kill my mom and the thought of doing that to my body frightens me enough to prevent me from doing it. So this rant is coming from someone who understands the severe anxiety that goes along with body image. I just want to let you guys know that you're not alone if you look at your body in the mirror and are torn between crying or yelling at yourself. This isn't your fault. It's society's.

Peibee-an-Jay.deviantart.com

[hottywithabodty]

Peeta Mellark by Peibee-an-Jay on deviantart

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Source: Peibee-an-Jay