#percival rambles

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

Life Update!

Sorry I haven't posted my own tickling content in a while :(

Life happened...again. This time I pretty much don't have a job. "Pretty much" being I haven't worked for 2 weeks now while waiting for my work account to be reinstated. I got auto terminated by the system because someone didn't file my employment correctly. That's what they say but it's been too long that I'm looking for another job.

Honestly, stressful summer I had to date. I can't enjoy or have fun for a long period of time. School is actually more fun and less stressful because at least I can do something in school to either study, get things done by deadlines, or even write when I can. I have control. There's a routine but this *gestures to now* I don't have any control and on edge waiting for a phone call or email, I hate it. I don't like to use the word hate often because it's a strong word, so when I use it, I really mean it.

*sigh* I also really really feel bad to you all for promising some stuff and not delivering. And me putting it off more, makes me feel worse. I don't like to promise things for that reason so I don't say much even though I might have something I'm working on. But then I don't want my silence to stretch out too long but I'm not on hiatus and I...ughh.

A wise person once said that tickling is a hobby and you should have fun with it, don't turn it into a job. To please people, keeping an eye on the notes all the time. Just enjoy what you write and do what you want when you want. It's your passion. For me, I have trouble with being the people pleaser and caring more about others than myself. I think now that I've grown as a blog, people have expectations now and that thought overwhelms me to create something that you all enjoy. I guess it also ties in that I have an additional thing to lose in life. You all mean so much to me and I'll do anything to keep you all in my life. Same as my irl friends if any of them are reading this. I'm scared to lose the things I cherish so much. That's why I try to perfect and make the best fics that I can to please everyone. I do have fun writing, don't get me wrong but when I deem it "too short" I can't help add in so many elements that it becomes a pain. And when I'm lacking ideas of can't find the right words to convey what I'm trying to say, I get frustrated at myself. And looking at the amount of fics between this year and last year, I can't help but get mad at myself for not making as many fics.

I'm stubborn to not talk to anyone about this even my most trusted friends because I like to seem like I have everything under control and in check but inside I bottle everything up and eventually those bottled up things you can't hold back anymore. I always tend to downplay my feelings.

But yeah, that's how I've been feeling and what's been happening in my life rn. The latter parts being more about writing and this blog. Didn't mean for this to get so long but when I'm by myself and just typing like this, I do tend to ramble with being in my thoughts and all. Vulnerable if you may. I'm fine for the most part, I'm not going anywhere :)

Fics don't have a schedule 😓 but I'll get them out eventually.

Thanks for sticking with me ♥️

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

I finally reached when Grim says his true name odhhdkdhdhs. And him just looking stunning as always, *sighs*. And 🌻💐, he's so zhzhchcjvjc

Yeah, I knew his real name all along but it's nice to finally see the events leading up to the moment.

Kicking and burying my face into the pillow. "Nice to see you flustered." Casperrrr.

Gonna go sleep now and dream of him byeeee

-

Thx for the love on the new fic too :)

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

Some stuff about me that I've been meaning to get off my chest below the cut (sad stuff in the beginning and happier at the end. If you're worried about the blog, don't worry, I'll still be here but definitely going to be posting much slowly when school starts):

Hey all, so it’s taking me some courage to tell you all this, but I've been struggling for the past few months trying to stay positive. You might be thinking, "What? You always seem happy when you post." And most of the time I am, but sometimes that's just what I want you to think, so you think I have everything under control. More importantly, I didn't want to lose the community I have on here or to make anyone worry. I don't like to talk much about my life here and even irl with other people unless I have to. So, I keep these sad, negative thoughts to myself. Have been for a few years now, actually. But now... they're starting to catch up to me, and last semester was the lowest point of my life. Failure after failure and it hurt. The self-doubt about my abilities and the loneliness. It was painful. It felt like I had lost everything. The only thing keeping me together was texting my irl bestie and you all. That's why I never told any of you... or even my irl bestie. I was scared of losing you all and them. You have expectations from me to deliver great tickle fics. I see the number of notes on my fics, and I'm happy they're increasing as I post. But I get scared, too. As I get better, you will expect as good quality or better, that's what my thinking is. If I deliver something and it flops, I feel like you'll lose interest. I know I can't please everyone, but I feel like I need to. It's ingrained in me to worry about what others think of me. Even with my bestie. Even though we have so much history together, I feel like one screw up by me, and it's over. I'll lose them forever. I have presented the most perfect version of myself over the years, but nobody knew what suffering and fear I carried inside. Now it's affecting me into adulthood and the dream I had to become an engineer became dimmer last semester.

On another note, before I come to a happy ending to this post. Reblogs. I feel bad for not leaving any comments on a tickle work I like. And leaving something small like, "I love this :)" feels too short to me because I was always taught to elaborate on comments and I try to incorporate that online and it felt like a chore or I was trying to hard. I do want to leave a small comment, but I feel that you, as a creator, will think I'm lazy or something or don't mean it. As an author, I actually really like those short comments as much as the long ones. Heck, keyboard smash if you want. That tells me, one, you are flustered from the tickles, two, you’re jealous of the characters being the ler or lee, or three, it's funny to me to see your reactions. To me, that means I did my job right as the writer because I also feel similar emotions like that too from my writing 😅. I sidetracked, didn't I, oops. So, about me commenting on others' work, I feel awkward commenting but if I start reblogging a lot of stuff without commenting, I feel bad and kinda look like a weirdo to creators and to you all who follow me getting a bunch of notifications and not wanting to see the stuff I reblog. I also have self-doubt when reading other tickle fics, too, like they are better than mine, and I go into a spiral, and yeah. I know we all have unique styles, but I can't help compare myself to someone else's ruler. There I go worrying again, huh? It's just in my nature, and idk how to get rid of it.

Lastly, yes, there is some happiness and solace I found thanks to my irl bestie. To keep it short, I hung out with him a few days ago (we only see each other after every semester), got the courage to tell him everything that's been bothering me, we talked about it and I learned some stuff I didn't even now about him (he's always happy and joyful when I see him so it was a surprise), had a new goal for myself to work with him in the future (he's becoming an engineer too) it should keep me motivated to strive to be better in school, got tickled by his dogs (I've never been tickled before believe it or not and let me tell you, it's an amazing, giddy feeling trying to fruitlessly defend yourself from a dog's licks but failing miserably. And then catching your breath when you think the dogs had their fun only for them to just start licking you affectionately again. It's even worse if your best friend took a few pictures of you and you look absolutely lame and stupid 😭. But it was fun!), got to tickle him too and he tickled me back (looks like we're both shy lers 🙃, he's not in the tk community btw but he knows my love for tickling), and yeah I've never been happier in my entire life. I have a new goal and motivation and even got some inspiration and drive to write some tickles!

So, that's what's going on behind the scenes in my world and I really want to get back more into tickling and start reblogging and liking more stuff because there is a lot of good stuff I've been missing out just at a glance.

I still have to do my 2024 year in review and Scara's birthday fic along with some wip stuff that I might not finish in time. Plus, showcase to all of you Aether and his lovers house in my Serenitea Pot. Not to mention school starting again on the 21st 😩.

To close, I want to thank all of you who have supported me ever since I started this blog. I can't thank you enough for liking, reblogging, commenting, and appreciating my work. I'm going to be less active on here once school starts, as in I won't post my own fics, but I'll be reblogging and doing short posts whenever I'm on the app and feel like it. I'll still be here, and I'll do my best in school for myself and for all of you.

And special thanks:

@chibimochii You were the first one that liked my first fic/post [that post is gone though :( ] and I really love your art. Part of why I wanted to start this blog in the first place :) I'm proud to have earned your follow as well!

@kusuguricafe Thank you for booping me during that one event. It helped me get out of my shell a little and feel more comfortable posting here :)

@otomiyaa Thank you for being one of the first tickle blogs I saw when I signed up on Tumblr. You are a huge inspiration. I know I mentioned that already before, but another mention doesn't hurt ;)

@wertzunge Thank you for your comment on My Honey, My Bee. There was something with that interaction that just resonated with me and made me want to write more :)

@vaporized-dimsum Thank you for getting me into SethoScara! I wouldn't have been able to write for them without you :)

Thank you, everyone, for reading this far ❤️

-Perz

~Risus Amoris~

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

I should play the archon quests but I'm waiting for all the English voices to come back. Haven't played Natlan's archon quests yet just the world quests but I know some tidbits. But now there's Venti, Dahlia, and Albedo, and I'm spoiling myself and it sounds so interesting. Especially how Dahlia is like and me quick challenging the new weekly boss and seeing the cutscene with Albedo and Aether and honestly they look really good together and nice shipping/writing material (ehem, Albedo's hand on Aether's) (edit: it looked like their hands were together but they actually aren't but I don't care, Albedo's hand was on top of Aether's). I understand why some like Albedo/Aether and Albedo in general (when's his rerun coming???) Mini Durin too like??? What is going onnnnn and I'm missing outttt 😭

What to get from this? I'm so ready for all the fanfics, art, everything :)

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

As you all can tell, I'm really slow with TickleTober :( Sorry about that and hope you all can understand. I don't want to stress over writing for it as I'm in school. Writing for the sake of getting it out there on time is not going to come out as good compared to me relaxingly writing and posting it when I'm free. Tickling is an indulgence of mine that I want to enjoy and create the best content I can make! I knew I'll be behind on the days, but as the days pass, I feel bad for not getting anything out there for you compared to the other tickle fic writers. Just wanted to get that off my chest so I don't feel guilty. Hope you all understand and are enjoying TickleTober! Great job to all the artists and writers out there :)

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

Doing some blog organization so ignore any notifications and such :)

Thank you!

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

The duality of wanting to tickle Casper but also wanting him to tickle me 🫠

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

Got the 500 post Tumblr badge 😅. Got some inspiration for writing XiaoAether, love the tickle community :) Fun to read and see tickle stuff again. Gonna sleep now 💤😴