On Fluffy Bunnies…
Author: Sarenth
As our religion becomes more prominent in the mainstream media, I find myself feeling more and more getting a feeling of competition within the Pagan community. Given that my exposure to the community of Paganism in general is relatively little, consisting of the Pagan community in my backyard, what is in books and on the Internet from sites like Witchvox.com and…
Questionable Media Month - Perfect Trust Chapter 7
In this chapter, a whole lot of nothing happens. You've been warned.
Chapter 7
Okay, to be fair, a FEW things happen. After several additional hours of arguing, Rowan has convinced Ben and Felicity that he should go to the morgue to view Debbie Schaeffer's body and figure out...whatever he's able to figure out. So it's really late and they're going to the morgue. Rowan is really cranky and really craving a cigarette; he's also increasingly, um, oddly attracted to his wife's red hair. They get to the morgue and Felicity cleanses the space and grounds Rowan so he's be okay in the working to come.
That's it. That's the whole chapter.
In lieu of plot, have some bonus bad prose:
"The hands of the clock were firmly pressed up against midnight when we arrived at the Saint Louis City Morgue."
"It was becoming increasingly harder for me to keep the outward manifestations at bay. At the moment I was only slightly to one side of irritable, and I was traveling directly toward it at high speed. The impending collision wasn't going to be good at all."
"I'm positive I ain't willin' ta' trade your life for a handful of flaky clues in a murder investigation." [Flaky? FLAKY clues???]
"I felt her right palm press against my own and her fingers intertwine with mine in a vise-like grip. Immediately I felt the chaotic energy within my body connect with hers as she took firm hold of my ethereal self. She simply ignored my own earthly bond, fleeting and tenuous as it was, and forcibly grounded me through her own solid coupling with this plane of existence."
Questionable Media Month - Perfect Trust Chapter 6
Spoiler alert: in this chapter, a possibly-malicious dead cheerleader and possible Dr. Seuss ghost-writer (ha ha) becomes my favorite character.
Chapter 6
We start with Ben driving recklessly out of Rowan and Felicity's subdivision, with Rowan in the passenger seat trying to reach Felicity. He leaves her a voicemail asking her to meet him at Ben's house. Meanwhile, Ben narrowly misses a TV van, and almost hits a battered T-Bird which Rowan muses "I hadn't remembered noticing the vehicle in our subdivision before, but there was something terribly familiar about it, although I couldn't put my finger on exactly what. Still, it was the kind of aggravating feeling that makes a person say to oneself, 'Whoa, déjà vu.'"
Dear God, reading this book is like trying to run through overcooked oatmeal.
They spend a few pages on argle-bargle about what exactly is going on. Ben had promised not to get Rowan involved in murder investigations anymore. However, they've got a Situation on their hands (no, not the kind with great abs and an awful personali-Wait, are Jersey Shore jokes still relevant?):
Debbie Schaeffer's body was found this morning
While examining her personal effects, Ben noticed that her handwriting was very similar to Rowan's automatic writing.
The police handwriting experts confirmed it was the same handwriting.
This means that Rowan is now one again into "some of that weird-ass 'Twilight Zone' shit." Ben is resigned to the fact that Rowan will be part of this investigation.
Someone in the police department leaked Rowan's handwriting trick and possible involvement to the media.
Hence the TV van, and a predicted 'media circus', which Ben is helping Rowan avoid.
Two notes about this section. First, as you might have noticed previously, Ben's dialogue is...odd. Unlike any other character we've heard speaking, Ben appears to have some kind of accent. What kind of accent? Uhh...I'm not sure. It's mostly generic American slurring, like 'ya' instead of 'you' or 'lyin' instead of 'lying'. He also sometimes uses a more casual, sort of rougher, guy-from-the-streets style and vocabulary. But then he'll abruptly switch mid-sentence from "I already friggin knew" to "the investigation went in an entirely different direction."
Second, I'm just going to leave this here: "'So, I hate to sound cold,' I said as a preface to my question, 'but what's the rush?'"
(Okay, I'm not going to just leave it there. We KNOW it's PREFACING a QUESTION because WE ARE TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM READING THE QUESTION THAT HIS QUALIFYING PHRASE IS PRECEDING YOU COMPLETE INCOMPETENT.)
The second half of this chapter is basically all Felicity being mad about Rowan getting involved in an investigation. What we eventually land on is that she's still upset that he got so badly hurt in the Eldon incident and blames Ben for it. That's fairly understandable in and of itself, but the way it's handled is very uncomfortable; Felicity and Ben spend several pages yelling at each other about whether or not Rowan is allowed to help the police again, while Rowan sits there and occasionally goes, um guys? I'm right here? And they essentially shush him like, no no, the adults are talking now. It's so, so weird.
Sellars is in top form here:
"A brief lull insinuated itself into the argument" and "a tense silence slid smoothly in as if to underscore their words". It's so interesting to learn that pauses in conversation are not the result of the speakers choosing to stop speaking, but in fact are sentient beings!
Also, this happens:
"At that moment, for lack of a better description, my wife 'pulled her face off'. Her tight frown and locked jaw opened wide into what could be metaphorically pictured as a fanged maw, allowing her own anger to explode outwards."
Uh. Okay then?
At one point, Ben also draws a 'haggard breath', which...I'm sorry, there is no way this ISN'T a case of Sellars writing 'ragged breath', deciding he needed more ~original~ verbiage, checking the thesaurus, and choosing a synonym without understanding its full meaning or connotations. 'Haggard' means gaunt, pale, worn, and unhealthy-looking. It's a VISUAL adjective. This usage makes make no sense. (Sorry, pet peeve.)
In the OT3 UST department, we have this actual exchange between Felicity and Ben:
"Screw you!"
"Like I'd give you the pleasure!"
But all good awkward as hell things must end eventually. While neither Felicity nor Ben seem interested in the opinion of the adult whose behavior they are trying to control, they do pay attention when Dead Debbie commandeers Rowan's hand again for some more writing. Specifically:
Hey hey hey, whaddaya say!
Don't ya know I'm dead today!
Hey everyone, I'm here to say!
I'm dead today! I'm dead today!
Gotta let Rowan come out and play!
Gotta let him do it 'cause I'm dead today!
This is the point where Debbie became my favorite character. I'm sorry, for a supposedly vengeful ghost, she has an AWESOME sense of humor. She's making up cheers about her own murder investigation! Delightful.
And literally, Felicity sees this ghost-writing (that will never stop being funny to me, sorry) and says, oh, guess I have to let you investigate this murder after all. Okay.
Questionable Media Month - Perfect Trust Chapter 5
Lalalala. These chapters are getting shorter and shorter.
Chapter Five
Psychologizing time! Rowan is wary but polite. Helen, Ben’s sister, decides within about two seconds that Rowan is probably fine (based on “her instincts” and whatever she’s heard from Ben and Felicity. Want to, say, take a case history or really talk at all to your actual patient? No? Okay then.)
Also: yes, Ben isn’t comfortable with alternative religions. This apparently has to do with his lack of acceptance of his Native American heritage. Rowan observes that “It was obvious by the way [Helen] spoke that she was intimately familiar with the history to which Ben would occasionally allude, but never reveal.” Well, she is his sister. It would more odd if she DIDN’T know anything about it, wouldn't you say?
Later that day, Ben shows up at Rowan’s house. The handwriting of Rowan’s automatic writing incident matches one Debbie Schaeffer, a cheerleader who went missing a few months back. The whole ‘dead I am’ thing points pretty strongly to her being, not missing, but dead, and Rowan is being pulled in to help with the investigation.
~dramatic music~
~except not that dramatic since we knew there had to be a vengeful dead cheerleader from reading the back of the book~
~also we're five chapters and almost a hundred pages into this book how are we not any further along in the plot~
Questionable Media Month - Perfect Trust Chapter 4
Guess how this chapter starts. Go ahead, guess.
Chapter Four
“D-E-A-D-I-A-M!
D-E-A-D-I-A-M!
What’s that spell?
Dead I am!
Louder!
Dead I am!
One more time!
DEAD I AM!
I awoke in darkness.”
ARGH.
Okay, in fairness, he at least knows where he is this time – “I knew exactly where I was – safely tucked in my bed.” But really, if I read one more chapter that starts with a character waking up and needing to decipher where they are, I may have a temper tantrum.
It’s very early in the morning and Rowan has woken up with that chant stuck in his head. Oh, sorry, “The seeming approbation of death was imprinted upon my consciousness with indelible permanence, and it continued to loop like a snippet of a song that you simply can’t get out of your head.” (WHAT PART OF THIS CHANT IS APPROBATION? APPROBATION MEANS APPROVAL OR PRAISE, WITH A CONNOTATION OF APPROVAL FROM OFFICIAL SOURCES OR AUTHORITY. HOW ARE YOU A REAL WRITER JFC.)
He gets up and tries to work, but feels stressed out and unproductive. Ben calls and breaks the news: the handwriting doesn't match the non-murder victim’s. Oh, and they are pretty sure she wasn’t murdered (seriously? She seriously tripped in her front hallway and knocked her head against a table hard enough to kill her instantly? My faith in the Saint Louis police force is fading rapidly here.)
Rowan is surprised and frustrated. In other news, he and Felicity are having a Yuletide party on Friday and Ben and his wife are coming although they are not themselves pagan. Ben seems oddly uncomfortable with alternative religions. Rowan notes that this is particularly unusual in someone of Native American descent; Ben replies that it’s a ‘long story’.
Rowan heads to his appointment with the psychologist; on the way he almost buys cigarettes twice (he quit a year ago, I guess because his wife hates it, but he’s been having very strong nicotine cravings lately).
He also ‘ogles’ an attractive blonde woman, which disturbs him. “I physically shuddered as I shook off the stare. Two specific thoughts were pin wheeling around inside my head taking turns at the forefront as they bounced.” He’s particularly troubled that he was trying to imagine her with red hair, which…is not that weird? But he’s freaked out by the incident for some reason.
