[11:58 PM] Riizunqo: a thought, remember samaras recruitment mission with all that red sand shep, new biotic, gets exposed. imagine him bouncing all around the normandy for hours like hes on crack or overdosed on coffee [12:10 AM] solo: i kinda wonder how far the drug goes. i know it enhances biotic capabilities, gives regular people short-term powers, but what else? euphoria, ok, but that's a given, because it's a stimulant brain: make it angsty what if there are euphoric/hallucinogenic effects that made a very, very depressed and lonely me2 john sh/epard feel happy again, even if only for a little while, because he got to daydream about a time before horizon, before his death, before ashley's death, before everything went to utter shit
i think im actually going to throttle my brain [12:11 AM] Riizunqo: ..... VIN [12:11 AM] Riizunqo: WHY [12:12 AM] solo: DLKFJSLKJSD IM SORRY IM SLEEP DEPRIVED [12:12 AM] solo: I DO THIS WHEN I GET HEADACHES TOO [12:12 AM] Riizunqo: now im like did john occasionally take red sand when he missed kaidan so bad he couldn't stand it... [12:41 AM] solo: rubs hands together my shep didn't have an addiction to red sand, per se; back when he was a young teen and with the reds, he only took tiny doses whenever he didn't have enough money for food. to him, it was better than nothing—and when it kicks in, you don't feel the pain of hunger. the effects would last a while. usually, by the time he found another odd job / client / whatever the reds wanted him to do next, the euphoric effects would've only just begun to fade. so, john never really had the chance to form an addiction, simply familiarized himself with the effects and what it was capable of if an individual took more.
i also think he never formed a legit need for it because he’s someone who keeps marching forward, if that makes sense. there’s always something he's working towards, and drugs are ... well, to john, the same as becoming a drunkard / constantly drinking? in other words, a big waste of time, money, and who knows what other repercussions there are when operating in such a state of inebriation. overall, that would impede his progress—and he isn't one to allow for that. it’s his nature to soldier on.
so, aside from a bit of hunger pain, john’s never had any real reason to take red sand, much less continuously. didn't have a reason to do other hard drugs, either. didn't even have a reason to get mindlessly drunk. back then, he had his whole future ahead of him.
however, in me2? there's a high probability he isn't even going to have a future; he knows what his goal is. he knows what the end-game is. and john’s also pretty fucking sure he isn't going to survive it.
not only did he die and lose 2 yrs of his life, everyone he's ever known and loved has moved on since his death. heck, even his father-figure, anderson, barely gives him the time of day when he goes to see him. yeah, he's a councilor now, but, still... ouch.
oh, and adding to all this, a super advanced A.I had straight-up told him that the cycle has already begun, they’re all gonna die, and that this shit’s inevitable.
i mean, of course, he still believes they have a fighting chance. but he's just one soldier; he's expendable. and if he dies in this suicide mission, there are plenty of other capable soldiers ready to take the place of 'commander sh/epard'.
pretty much everything leading up to this point in time has been utter shit for john. the man even lost the one person who could’ve made things feel even slightly okay — so, yeahhh. i can see it. during that time of extreme emotional fragility, john would want to make at least a few good memories before meeting his end for the last time. and if they're just fake, red sand-induced hallucinations — well. that'd just have to do.
