Told myself that I won’t open my social media accts today and for the next few days. But come 3pm and I found myself logging in fb and searching for the link of the live video coverage of the graduation- my graduation, supposedly, if things went according to plan. Obviously it didn’t so I continued watching as my batchmates paraded with so much joy and pride evident on their faces. Seeing them one by one made me happy. Because I know the hardships they went through for five years. I should know because I was with them, we experienced it all together. We experienced how college can go from super chill for a few days to super hell for several weeks. But as I watch them march on the screen of my laptop, I couldn’t silence that little, nagging voice in my head that says “you should’ve been there with them.”
I know I am not the first student to fail her subjects nor the first one who not graduated on time. But it doesn't change what I feel whenever my mom has to answer other people when they ask about me graduating. It doesn't change what I feel whenever my parents see their friends on social media post about their son's/daughter's graduation. It doesn't change what I feel whenever I see my friends already making plans for their future while I'm here stuck in college for another semester. Whenever we explain to others why I am not yet graduating, I feel like I'm disappointing more and more people. Like I have let them all down because they think highly of me and they believe so much in me.