#personal blurb

[fictionfuel]

Y’all. Personal little blurb. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years. And I brought marriage up to the man’s.

Y’all, I hope to god I PRAY. This is the year, he may propose this year. We are planning on going away during our anniversary, so SO it’s the perfect time.

God I hope I can call myself a fiancee this year 🤞🏻🤞🏻

[likearollingkimstone]

Things I say on the daily (as someone who works in childcare)

“You don’t NEED bandaid, you just want a bandaid.”

“Friend, why is that the choice we made?”

“Go away from me, immediately” (they either do and come back immediately or they don’t)

“Please don’t touch things on my desk without asking”

“What’s the magic word.”

“Hi mom/dad how was your day?” (This is said at pick up when they immediately launch into a litany of things they need their parents to do for them)

“They don’t have to be your friend if you’re being mean to them.”

“Not yours, don’t worry about it.” (said in response to asking about objects that don’t pertain to them)

Bonus: my favorite thing said to ME this week

“We’re trapped outside!” (It makes sense to at but is deeply funny to me)

[likearollingkimstone]

Working in childcare goes a little something like this:

*child hugs co-worker goodbye*

Co-worker: Aww, this is nice, you know, it’s moments like this—

Child: *meows*

Co-worker: Never mind the moment is now ruined. Goodbye.

And this all happened in basically .02 seconds.

Kids, man. Gotta love ‘em (but they are weird as shit). 🤣

[likearollingkimstone]

Today I got to do one of my favorite things, telling a white man the real and heinous history of how Hawaiʻi became a state, why they still should still be sovereign, and inadvertently how America ain’t shit.

And he actually kind of listened to me which is the outcome you hope for but never really expect.

[likearollingkimstone]

After being told my entire life that I give off Jo March energy when I KNOW I have been an Amy March since BIRTH. I believe I have cracked my astrological big 4 of the March Sisters.

Amy Sun

Meg Moon

Jo Rising

Amy Venus

There is no place in my chart or soul enough to be Beth, I’m sad to say, but I do got some Marmie somewhere in my planets I just haven’t cracked where yet.

This revelation brought to you by the new moon in Scorpio and my unwillingness to engage with my emotions in any serious way.

[likearollingkimstone]

Listening to my playlists from years ago that I thought I was randomly and haphazardly making to curate the vibe of that time in my life only to realize that the vibe was “If You’re Sad and Don’t Know It Dissociate” is actually quite jarring it turns out…

[likearollingkimstone]

Not to beg but there’s a two year old at the preschool I work at who’s so obsessed with me that she literally talks to me when I’m not there (even when she’s at home).

She’s so weird, she’s the best 🥹

[likearollingkimstone]

"Itʻs not your job to communicate for people." - Damien Haas (on the Perfect Person Podcast)

This quote really struck me. Iʻve spent so much of my life trying to predict and account for other peopleʻs emotions and reactions. Iʻve done this for a multitude of reasons, but primarily it was to try to control the outcome of the situation. If I could predict and pre-determine their emotions and reactions to whatever our conflict or discussion was, I could be in control of myself and the discussion, and the situation. Iʻm sure this is linked to people pleasing and past trauma, and this, that, and the third, but it never actually HELPED me.

This mindset never once served me; it only hurt me. This mindset prevented me from truly connecting with people. This mindset only helped me hurt my own feelings. You cannot predict the future, and other people's emotions and reactions are a form of fortune telling, and one that is simply not meant for a healthy brain or nervous system.

Lately, Iʻve been trying this new thing, "let them." Let them show them how they feel, or let them tell you how they feel. If they canʻt communicate that, all you can do is open up the floor for conversation, but if they donʻt or canʻt walk through it than all you can do is walk away. Which SUCKS if youʻre like me and want to fix everything for everyone all the time, but you gotta. To survive, thrive, and find your people, you have to let the ones who don't want to walk with you walk away.

So while I wasn't expecting to get a nugget of wisdom that perfectly aligns with my life journey from a silly podcast today, here we are.