#personal draw

[intensemoonz]

Okay starting with a quote that I think is very 2 of Cups - 

“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light. Gentle work. Steadfast work. Life-saving work in those moments when life and shame and sorrow occlude our own light from our view, but there is still a clear-eyed loving person to beam it back. In our best moments, we are that person for another” - James Baldwin

Didn’t technically draw - rather as my baby was rifling through my things as she loves to do it fell out of my old tarot notebook. Which means I have been drawing from a deck without this card in it for at least 18 months I think! Wild. Felt like a good way to welcome it back into the deck would be to spend a moment using it to reflect on December. For a few years before parenthood I got really into making huge resolutions/goal tracking things and doing quite intensive reflections at minimum every month related to how I was going with them. And there is no longer time fore that, but I do like to think about it still and try and fit some of it back into my life now that I am one year into the parenting thing and staring to have more time to myself. 

I like how this card is a minor arcana mirror of The Lovers. It makes me feel like its not just about one relationship in my life, but how lots of my one on one relationships are going. But also that’s such an illusion, not to be a reformed poly nerd or whatever but none of my relationships are singular. None of my friendships are either, they are so interconnected. Anyway its still nice to think about reaching out, continuing to love my friends and really foster a sense of connection going into the new year. Gotta keep sending those texts, even when I am tired or just feeling a bit down and left behind. Always be reaching out. Where’s that amazing quote I saw about this - 

“If you're the person in your friend group who initiates conversations 90-100% of the time, it can feel tempting sometimes to just stop contacting people to see if they will reach out, and therefore if they actually like you or if you are inflicting yourself on them. The problem with this is there are multiple flaws that can't be overcome in this type of test, including the fact that if you always reach out and suddenly don't, people will assume you're busy rather than that you want them to reach out, or just the fact that some people genuinely enjoy your company but hate or are terrible at remembering to reach out. So basically don't immediately assume that silence always equals disinterest or disdain; that's your own hangups talking, not the people you care about”.  - From this reblog, sorry that I don’t have time to quote the original poster rn I love you happy new years

[vyndist]

drew my friend’s miqote for his birthday!! happy birthday choa uvu

[intensemoonz]

January - Two of Swords

Drawn in February as a look back - would like to do them in advance from here. I basically just asked ‘what the fuck just happened’ while shuffling my deck for this one. Boy. I guess this card is one of those classic ‘I have been feeling like this and also not wanting to really acknowledge it’. Its all about emotional blockages. Blindfolding yourself and putting up a guard. I am feeling extremely tired so far this year, and like I can’t really actually stop to feel my feelings and especially not really communicate them to any one else. In saying that, I have also been trying to keep up messaging people, even the people who don’t reply to me. But I have been feeling kind of like a disposable friend, and it really hurts. It’s good to get some of this out, but it also still just feels bad. I have been getting back into morning pages which is essentially just daily journaling and this card is telling me to keep it up I think. Think about what it would mean to open my heart up more, even in this tender state. What are some ways to lower my defences without also getting walked all over.

February - The Star

I wanted to also move into more of a prognosticating/aspiraring to vibes kind of draw for the rest of the year. So the vibe we are looking for in Feb is The Star. Powerful Major Arcana energy - hope, inspiration, generosity, serenity. Joan Bunning puts it this way - “The Star also reminds us to open our heart and release our fears and doubts. If you have been holding back in any way, now is the time to give generously”. What a wonderful pair to my January card. Hope is just the beginning before real action can take hold, but man is it nice to have a sign to help with the moving forward, moving through. Being like the water flowing from the jug to the stream, returning to a greater form.

[intensemoonz]

mini celtic cross for a nyd vibe check, I had to stop to wake up the toddler from her nap but my initial thoughts are it's interesting that there is only one major arcana and the Knight in the future position feels like a good vibe. Looking forward to setting up my new planner after writing a bit about this tonight.

[intensemoonz]

Hmm another three. Teamwork - collaboration - learning - implementation

This month was kind of hard and miserable in a lot of ways, even though we had a holiday! And I had a lot of time off work. Relating back to this card and the energy that I was meant to pay attention to - I think I needed to ask for more help. To rally a the teamwork, to get the collaboration going. To make the learning stick. I think I tried to lone wolf it a bit too much, to try and lead by example rather than being really explicit about things. I am so lonely at the moment, I feel really abandoned actually. I keep sending messages that don’t get any replies. I want to try and make things happen but I feel like no one actually wants to see me and hang out with me, so what’s the point. I don’t know how to turn this around and get more group socialising happening in my life. Hoping I am just in a bit of a rut that I can keep working to get out of. Keep sending my silly little messages even as they get ignored. Keep letting people know I want to be in their lives if they will have me.

[intensemoonz]

Oops I drew cards for a few months before todaty but then did not write about them, going to try and do this for the remainder of the year though!

‘When we want to see farther, we climb higher’ 

This is a card about thinking about how the present moment connects to the bigger picture. Its a figure on a threshold, up on the cliffs looking out, planning the next move. I feel this card in my current situation has something to do with my job dissatisfaction, and maybe a bit as well to do with how I feel in my friendships. It’s telling me to try and demonstrate leadership, even as it feels uncomfortable to me. It’s important for groups to have a cheerleader, someone who will rally them. I would like to challenge myself to keep texting people even when I feel left out. To organise some hangs even when it feels like pulling teeth. To try and thing of expanding my horizons in some way. Take the long view, plan ahead. 

[intensemoonz]

November 2023!!! Late on the post! All there is to say about this one is tarot is real and I downloaded and then didn’t figure out how to use You Need A Budget - and cancelled it before I got charged so phewf. I would really like to continue to think about this card in relation to how I am working part time and need to just think about money more than I am generally comfortable with, even if it isn’t doing a full on budget again.